I have the skills, but I can't use them

[gsmax5]

I'm a total chatterbox when around my family (siblings, cousins, parents etc.), but all my social skills just "shut off" when I'm around anyone else.

When I am with my family, I am either funny and lovable, or annoying.

When I am with other people the situation is extremely awkward. I usually can't think of things to say, but when I do, I don't end up saying what is on my mind anyway. Even things like saying "goodbye" are a challenge for me.

My quietness towards people that are not family or close friends is NOT a choice; it is 100% instinctive. My quietness also goes beyond just being afraid to approach people. If I were stuck in a room with someone else for two hours, maybe I would talk a little bit, but my perceived personality would be severely different than my "true" personality.

Does anyone have similar problems to mine.

 

[PennyLane]

I'm a total chatterbox when around my family (siblings, cousins, parents etc.), but all my social skills just "shut off" when I'm around anyone else.

When I am with my family, I am either funny and lovable, or annoying.

When I am with other people the situation is extremely awkward. I usually can't think of things to say, but when I do, I don't end up saying what is on my mind anyway. Even things like saying "goodbye" are a challenge for me.

My quietness towards people that are not family or close friends is NOT a choice; it is 100% instinctive. My quietness also goes beyond just being afraid to approach people. If I were stuck in a room with someone else for two hours, maybe I would talk a little bit, but my perceived personality would be severely different than my "true" personality.

Does anyone have similar problems to mine.

We are exactly the same in this! In fact my family and friends find it hard to comprehend that I have SA because I am so outgoing with them!

Its only after a long period of consistent time (im talking years) with someone that I become relaxed enough for them to see a bit more of the real me...but its hard to get to that point

 

[Meggerz88]

I am like that a lot. SA is a lot to do with the fear of people judging you. Once you get to know a person (and they know you for you), there isn't so much to worry about and you can just be yourself - like with your family. The problem is, this can often prevent close relationships from forming. I have found that it just takes a lot of perseverence... It takes to right kind of person to make you feel comfortable earlier in a friendship and see that there is more to you than what you might put out their upon first meeting. These will likely be the kind of people you will want to have as friends anyway. I know that I will never be the kind of person who has a tonne of friends, but I am happy with having a few close ones. It just takes time and exposure...

 

[gsmax5]

I mean does this disrupt your life and cause you to be relusive?

Well, maybe not that specific issue, but I have tons of other social problems. For example, I drive an extra half-hour to go to the Chipotle (restaurant) that is far-away, because I am scared to death of running into someone I know at the other closer location.

 

[PennyLane]

I think that is just being shy though (which is normal for alot of people), is this causing disruption in your life?

It causes major disruption to my life. Right now I need to go to the bathroom but my flatmates are outside...theres no way Im leaving this room.

I can't go to parties, I don't talk to people in classes, I don't talk to people at work, I turn down invites even to things I want to do, I lost my boyfriend because I struggled to go out and socialise, which he loves to do. I turn the other way on the street if I see someone I know, I hate telephones and interviews and WORST of all....I spend most free time alone!

 

[gsmax5]

I share this too, this is very uncomfortable for me. What I usually do on this situation, if I see no potential person that could become somewhat of a friend or acquaintance to me, I rather just lie my guts out. If I feel I might have some sort of connection with this stranger, I might just tell the so called "white lies" and later come clean if necessary.

Some people are just too nosy and I've noticed a lot are this way to later use it against you for them to feel better about themselves by knowing personal things about you. Some people are very low and feel good doing this... heck, now I am just going off on a tangent with my paranoid tales again.::

I am exactly the same way:

"Do you want to go to the picnic?"
"I would love to, but I have to attend a Three Stooges convention"