I got my answer, why am I still not satisfied?

[anobody1]

I grew up being the ultimate social reject which reinforced my insecurities and put me in a lot of misery throughout my teen years.

I've established the idea that the possibility of guys (I'm gay) finding me attractive is pretty slim. I've even had that confirmed by many to whom I've asked opinions about my looks.

It was not only last year in which I embarked on a life of dating and romance, I'm 23 years old.
At that time I didn't bother about having the personality, I was obsessed with appearance. I just wanted someone, just someone to find me attractive. My friend introduced me to a gay dating web site and I sought for decent guys, I went so far as to ask guys who I thought were totally out of my league on a date.

Thus far I've dated 5 guys in one year. The relationship didn't last very long as my "Social Phobic", naive, soft, sensitive personality did not appeal to them. Which I didn't care for at the time, because I knew I had to work on myself.

But I got what I wanted, I had kissing, fondling and cuddling experiences with these guys, the last with which I had the most intensive sexual experience, frottage, and he even called me a few times wanting more, but I blew him off. I never go as far as having sex as I have a huge fear of STDs.

What's more is that there were other, very attractive, guys who were willing to date me or want to have sex with me in the gay dating web site, who I ignored.

At this point, I'm still insecure about my looks. I don't know, I feel like it's not enough, may be it's the fact that I didn't last very long with these guys. I got rejected by them well, except the last guy. And my history for being rejected and being told that I wasn't "good looking".

Why at this age, besides my teen years, do I finally actually find guys who find me attractive? I don't think I've changed any bit? I used to be ignored, laughed at, called ugly. I'm not photogenic, nor athletic, but the guys I've dated so far were model like, and very fit.

I'm still not mentally satisfied though.

 

[vitalis]

You talked about your concept of your own attractiveness, the looks of the other guys, and even of your intimate experiences. But, what about your hobbies, activities, shared interests, meaningful life vision...? Yes, maybe you consider yourself to be a "Social Phobic" (for now), but what about all of these individual-defining features?

Judging by what you said, you still seem to put too much weight on looks, and without digging a bit deeper you won't be able to escape your mental loop. The real key to have a fulfilling relationship is the intimacy of sharing something else than the body. I think that's the idea you should work on before trying to get into more relationships that can't satisfy your needs.

 

[Diend]

i heard there are pockets in the gay zone where looks are everything. i mean, the media blows the gay scene up like it's dirty, promiscuous and fabulous. I don't have any openly gay friends so I wouldn't know. Maybe you want a romantic partner who you can trust on an intellectual level.