i fucking need some help

[asdfjkl]

dam there's gota be something I can do.... been basicly quite, shy, anxiety, always worrying my whole life... used to always avoid social situations except for around a few good friends, etc... always was worrying about what people thought of me... etc

i didn't realize how bad it was till i was feeling awesome for the past 4 weeks but all of a sudden im back so i know i have something wrong with me

well i just got back from basic training/ait from the army... it was pretty tuff for me but towards the end I became a whole new person... especially when i got back... well i was always in nice shape from bodybuilding... and just my looks make me look pretty badass... but i've always had a hard time dealing with people socially...

but when i came back i duno... all of a sudden i was making friends left and right... i could bull shit with any1... way more relaxed and chill person... no worries... wutso ever... having fun not having a worry in the world... in fact i didn't even give a shit what people thought about me anymore cuz i duno but i loved it i could do all shit normaly the way life was meant man... parties... u name it... everything was great and normal

but now that college started yesterday.... i duno i fell back into my old ways

i can't fucking take this...

i was hooking up with chicks left and right no problem talking whatsoever, i've been myself, which for me is usually being a badass, cocky, arrogant, and funny as fuck

but now from no were... ever since yesterday my first class... i find myself worrying about the little shit like how i gota do my hw, how there's so much crap to clean up in the house... started worrying about $, worrying about just about every THING!!! This worrying is killing me I can't stop... seriously I can't think straight I can't do nothing right when Imm like this

I made myself look like a total ass.... ive had cottonmouth the whole day... etc let me give u some examples... very lately ive been really smooth with people which has been sweet... but last night with my friends i couldn't even function right i was worrying about just about everything... we'd be talking and my mind would go off to worrying about shit and i couldn't get my sentences straight or nothing i sounded like a dumbshit... or like today.... i fucking fucked myself over while talking to this 1 girl... i got soo worried about shit i couldn't even speak to her straight... and i havn't had this social shit for a good while now ive been finding it fine to talk to any1, even large crowds which i used to have a problem doing... but like today in class i raised my hand to answer a question... all of a sudden from no were "BAM!!!" that shit hit me my heart was thumpping a fucking thousand miles n hour my hands started trembling i was trying to hide that shit i duno how to fucking control this... I mean i've missed my exit a couple of times today cuz i was woryying too much, ive never done that for a long time, i usually blast heavy shit and actually listen to the music and change my songs when i feel like listening to a new one but now i find myself caught in a thought of worry , about everything from what people are thinking of me, etc, etc, etc... I can't function like this man hahaha i keep on saying this same shit over... hahah but it's not really that funny duno why i keep on saying "haha"

i really need some help, i mean ive finally seen what it was like this past month ive been back to be normal... and i loved that... but just a little stress from college has sent me back to the rest of my life which has been like this... I can't go back... there has to be something... I can't just tell myself to stop worrying, and stop thinking about what people are thinking about you... I mean I guess I duno how I did it for the past month, I'm guessing since I didn't have anything to do but just lay around and do nothing but party and hang out with my friends and now that i got college//class's it's bringing it all back... but the thing is i just straight up worry too much... earlier tonight was fucking crazy duno wtf happend... I'm feeling better right now but i know this same shit will be back tomarrow I gota do something... I duno what though...

i can't even think straight no more... i mean i've always been like this but... i thought i had changed... i guess not...


*** I'm not sure if i have anxiety, social anxiety, or both... I mean I was doing fine with people but now it's all fucked up it seems that I have both right now... I've had extreme anxiety, can't speak and make sence right now or assemble any thoughts together... well i mean i can on here but you should hear me talk I'm not too bad right now but I know this shit will come back and when it does omfg i duno what to do... I'll forget shit that I would never forget or really easy stuff... completely absent minded...

I mean im not sure what brought this upon me or y I can't control any of this... shit I can't even sit down to do my homework right now I will just pause and have like a blank stare for like 5 mins then try n start agaain and same shit over... guess im worrying too much about being worried hahaha... well im feeling better now... probably repeated a bunch of the same shit over and over, my bad... i gota get some sleep i got class's in the mourning... but i definately gota get some help I mean I've always hidden this shit my whole life, no1 could ever really tell... well they prob could notice i was shy as shit but now i havn't been and i dont wana go back to that way but i can't control it i find myself dumbfounded again i duno what is happening... gota see the doc or something...

 

[asdfjkl]

man, by the time i got done typing that thing, i almost deleted it, cuz i feel fine right now and i guess i sorta did, but i know this shit will happen again, it might be over now, but what happens when I have something come up again cuz that's what usually always happens... Not just school or socially related... but worrying about anything in general... it's not normal how I function and after seeing the real me were I could acomplish things and talk and function normally there's gota be something majorly wrong with me cuz now im back to this same old bs again...

 

[random]

I think I can relate in some ways. I can function fine in certain arenas because I seem to tell myeslf that it's not really me - I'm just playing a role etc. But certain types of situations it's absolutely impossible. I remember standing in front of a group of people at work to conduct computer training but, a few weeks later, couldn't 'face' going to lunch with them. I got to the restaurant and couldn't get out of the car. As long as I am in my comfort zone I tend to forget that there are many important areas that I can't function. Without realizing it - I would go long periods of time avoiding the uncomfortable situations so that I believed I was past it. Then I'd 'hit the wall' (come upon a situation I couldn't handle) and I would 'crash' (sink emotionally) because I believed that the past was back to haunt me or that I backslid. But that isn't true for me. It's not backsliding - it's being in certain situations that are harder for me than other situations. Took me a long time to figure out a pattern there.

I am going to a counselor and I am getting better. There are a variety of approaches and I get the impression that it is slightly different for each person but I want to encourage you - I am more comfortable now and I am still getting better. Not over it completely but I am still progressing Don't be hard on yourself. Need a reason? Think of it this way - you want to get past this, right? soon as possible, right? Well - being hard on yourself just makes it harder and take longer and you don't want that, right? Cheers.

 

[asdfjkl]

yeah but right now it seems like I can't even do the stuff I normally like to do... Like go to the gym, or chill with my friends or nothing... seems like i can't stop worrying, anyways I made an appointment for this friday, hope that goes well.

 

[random]

I can't even sit down to do my homework right now I will just pause and have like a blank stare for like 5 mins then try n start agaain and same shit over... guess im worrying too much about being worried hahaha...

This part sounds VERY familiar. My boss was away and I was supposed to handle the emergencies while he was away. Unfortunately I had quite a round of General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and I couldn't think. I would pick up a printed page of text but I couldn't read it. I couldn't remember what I was doing and I kept spacing out like you said - 5 minutes and try to start again.
I decided to quit seeing my psychologist because, I reasoned, stirring up the past wasn't worth losing my job over. He pointed out that stopping counseling was not likely to make it go away since I didn't know what was causing it and convinced me to see a physician. That's when they started me on Lexapro. I had to fake it through the rest of the week - not being able to think while I waite for the Lexapro to kick in. I requested a super low dose (in hind sight I don't think this was such a good idea - maybe a low dose but- super low?) to start - they keep you on it for two weeks and then see how you are. Many of the anxiety meds take 2 weeks to take full affect. I did start to feel different around day 9. You may want to ask for a few short acting xanax or clonopin or something to get you through key events in the meantime while the other stuff takes effect IF you decide to go with meds. Be careful with the xanax though - way too many people find it addictive. I always took low doses (.5 mg per day) which would supposedly prevent me from getting addicted but as I have gone off the xanax the past few weeks - I am having withdrawal symptoms which include scarey heart palpitations and intense anxiety. It was good while it worked - I just shouldn't have taken it for so long (4 mos).
I didn't know what triggered my GAD. I had always had social anxiety and been a worrier who had a hard time sleeping but GAD was new. It turned out that in counseling we were talking about stuff and it was getting 'near' stuff I was unable to face and never actually thought about conciously (unknown to me - I secretely believed I disappointed my mom when I was taking care of her when she was ill with cancer; thought she stopped fighting the disease and just 'gave in' and died because of me). Hard to fix that when you are not aware that it exists hidden in your brain somewhere; it doens't even make sense! From reading the boards you can tell that seems to be many many different causes - just thought I would share mine. I did get over that and am no longer on Lexapro. I want your appt. to go well too. I am rooting for you.

 

[june]

I know how you feel. the first weeks of college are so stressful and full of worries that I retreat into my room and bite my nails from the stress. In classes where I know I'll have to talk my heart goes crazy and I turn red, and a stutter and mix up words.
The good thing is that as time goes on and things become more routine I usually get back to normal. Maybe you only need more time.