Kanye West
Well-known member
I came across this today. The question is currently exactley what i'm going through as I'm sure some of you out there are too. The answer started to help me think of anxiety differently. ok here we go.
Question) for the last four years at school i have been very outgoing and got on with all the people in my year and the ones above and below. i was comfortable in my surroundings and i became the clown of the year. i was bubbly, happy and entertaining. iv moved to university and since iv started i have been…basically a boring recluse. i mean i have met hardly any friends and i am starting to hate the whole thot of three years at uni. i feel sick of studying nd learning and secondly i feel like a loser. iv tried making friends and chatting to people in my lectures but it seems that im putting too much pressure on my self to make friends. i dont know whats happened to me.
Answer) The Ego
Hi friend, your problem is an Ego problem as much as an anything else. I say this from experience. I’ve gone through exactly the same thing as you have described. I’m in Uni now, going on to 3rd year.
The main cause of ‘lost personality syndrome’ is an extended period of time, where you either - are continously ignored (your ego is hurt), or your in an environment in which you dont value everyone around you.
For me, both of the above happened. I felt completely lost, hurt and devalued, like I wasnt a person anymore. This continued for now, over 2 years. Over the holidays, I’ve learn to get better. This is my advice to someone who’s in an advanced stage of this v. real problem. I know you’re not, but reading this will give you the perspective you need:
By continuously ignoring this problem, you start to lose your entires perspective on life and the thought of ‘what is there to live for’ is always on your mind. This is because you feel restricted from all the normal day to day activities one should get pleasure from in life… from something even as simple as being able to talk with ease with your own family members.
This ‘lost Personality syndrome’ is an Ego problem. Everyone has an ego, I dont reject that, but pple with this syndrome are placing TOO MUCH value on their EGO. That is why they are HURT v. easily when their ego is damaged by something as trivial as opposition to what they say. And this is what they try to avoid - being hurt on the inside, by avoiding SPEAKING, TALKING. Being constantly afraid that by speaking/talking he/she will be REJECTED - something v. painful on the inside.
It is much like placing too much importance on a CAR. Whilst everyone has one and uses it constantly, You overvalue this car and NEVER use it. You always keep it at home, safe in your garage, scared that by taking it out, it may get damaged.
PPLe with this syndrome, value their Ego too much. Although it may not be apparent, you think you are more important than everyone else around you. That is why when with someone, you always think the pressure is on YOU to speak and ’say something’. Everyone is waiting for YOU. This isn’t true.
One last thing to remember, is Personality is more ‘reactive’ than ‘active’. Which means, you do not always Start something.. but more React to something that happens to you. That defines your personality. The boy that always gets angry when you change the channel; the girl who laughs crazily at even the dumbest joke. It is all reactive.
There is no pressure for you to SHOW your personality. Dont overrate your personality. It is simply the way YOU naturally react to stuff, your friends.
This is an illusion - that you have to ‘find something to talk about’. People arent data processors and only respond if you insert some piece of information - like “This channel has a lot of action”. Do not put too much value on the ‘pieces of information’ that you give other people. You get hurt when they do not respond to it.
Rather, think of speaking a 2 way road. It helps to aim to listen, more than speak. Remember those days when you started an enjoyable convo with just ‘Hi, hows it going. Watsup!”, without the stress and nerves. By learning to devalue your ego, and value others more, speaking tends to catch more of a natural flow, rather then a scripted play.
When with people, listen to them. There is no pressure on you to talk, No one is waiting for you to say something. Listen to people, when they try to explain somethin to you, even though you know it, act like you dont. Make the conversation enjoyable for them. That way, by learning that is isn’t all about YOU, you start valuing PEOPLE, hence they start valuing YOU.
IT TAKES TIME. Days, even weeks, to get better, But you need to slowly adjust yourself. Practice listening, Practice seeing other People as PEOPLE, who have emotions, who get sad/angry, who have likes/dislikes just like YOU. I dont like to use the word ’speaking’. Moreso ‘listen’ and ‘Respond’ to what they are saying. Value them for who THEY are, and not what They SAY. And live LIFE. It isnt the wormhole that you think. Life is meant to be LIVED.
You’ll slowly start to notice, the wider your scope of thinking - the wider your ‘love’ and recognition of people as who they are.. Your stressed out Uni classmate? What is there to be afraid of when speaking to her? Notice that we are valuing the OTHER person, and thinking less about me and my ego. This is a big part of recovering.
Finally, Uni is not the end of all fun and childish behaviour. I knoe Medicine students who are animals at parties.
Becoming a serious Adult should come naturally, and not by force.
Hope that helps, and I wish you ALL the best.
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What do you think?
Question) for the last four years at school i have been very outgoing and got on with all the people in my year and the ones above and below. i was comfortable in my surroundings and i became the clown of the year. i was bubbly, happy and entertaining. iv moved to university and since iv started i have been…basically a boring recluse. i mean i have met hardly any friends and i am starting to hate the whole thot of three years at uni. i feel sick of studying nd learning and secondly i feel like a loser. iv tried making friends and chatting to people in my lectures but it seems that im putting too much pressure on my self to make friends. i dont know whats happened to me.
Answer) The Ego
Hi friend, your problem is an Ego problem as much as an anything else. I say this from experience. I’ve gone through exactly the same thing as you have described. I’m in Uni now, going on to 3rd year.
The main cause of ‘lost personality syndrome’ is an extended period of time, where you either - are continously ignored (your ego is hurt), or your in an environment in which you dont value everyone around you.
For me, both of the above happened. I felt completely lost, hurt and devalued, like I wasnt a person anymore. This continued for now, over 2 years. Over the holidays, I’ve learn to get better. This is my advice to someone who’s in an advanced stage of this v. real problem. I know you’re not, but reading this will give you the perspective you need:
By continuously ignoring this problem, you start to lose your entires perspective on life and the thought of ‘what is there to live for’ is always on your mind. This is because you feel restricted from all the normal day to day activities one should get pleasure from in life… from something even as simple as being able to talk with ease with your own family members.
This ‘lost Personality syndrome’ is an Ego problem. Everyone has an ego, I dont reject that, but pple with this syndrome are placing TOO MUCH value on their EGO. That is why they are HURT v. easily when their ego is damaged by something as trivial as opposition to what they say. And this is what they try to avoid - being hurt on the inside, by avoiding SPEAKING, TALKING. Being constantly afraid that by speaking/talking he/she will be REJECTED - something v. painful on the inside.
It is much like placing too much importance on a CAR. Whilst everyone has one and uses it constantly, You overvalue this car and NEVER use it. You always keep it at home, safe in your garage, scared that by taking it out, it may get damaged.
PPLe with this syndrome, value their Ego too much. Although it may not be apparent, you think you are more important than everyone else around you. That is why when with someone, you always think the pressure is on YOU to speak and ’say something’. Everyone is waiting for YOU. This isn’t true.
One last thing to remember, is Personality is more ‘reactive’ than ‘active’. Which means, you do not always Start something.. but more React to something that happens to you. That defines your personality. The boy that always gets angry when you change the channel; the girl who laughs crazily at even the dumbest joke. It is all reactive.
There is no pressure for you to SHOW your personality. Dont overrate your personality. It is simply the way YOU naturally react to stuff, your friends.
This is an illusion - that you have to ‘find something to talk about’. People arent data processors and only respond if you insert some piece of information - like “This channel has a lot of action”. Do not put too much value on the ‘pieces of information’ that you give other people. You get hurt when they do not respond to it.
Rather, think of speaking a 2 way road. It helps to aim to listen, more than speak. Remember those days when you started an enjoyable convo with just ‘Hi, hows it going. Watsup!”, without the stress and nerves. By learning to devalue your ego, and value others more, speaking tends to catch more of a natural flow, rather then a scripted play.
When with people, listen to them. There is no pressure on you to talk, No one is waiting for you to say something. Listen to people, when they try to explain somethin to you, even though you know it, act like you dont. Make the conversation enjoyable for them. That way, by learning that is isn’t all about YOU, you start valuing PEOPLE, hence they start valuing YOU.
IT TAKES TIME. Days, even weeks, to get better, But you need to slowly adjust yourself. Practice listening, Practice seeing other People as PEOPLE, who have emotions, who get sad/angry, who have likes/dislikes just like YOU. I dont like to use the word ’speaking’. Moreso ‘listen’ and ‘Respond’ to what they are saying. Value them for who THEY are, and not what They SAY. And live LIFE. It isnt the wormhole that you think. Life is meant to be LIVED.
You’ll slowly start to notice, the wider your scope of thinking - the wider your ‘love’ and recognition of people as who they are.. Your stressed out Uni classmate? What is there to be afraid of when speaking to her? Notice that we are valuing the OTHER person, and thinking less about me and my ego. This is a big part of recovering.
Finally, Uni is not the end of all fun and childish behaviour. I knoe Medicine students who are animals at parties.
Becoming a serious Adult should come naturally, and not by force.
Hope that helps, and I wish you ALL the best.
----------------------
What do you think?