I feel so sad because of OCD

[Significatif]

I feel sad. My name is David. I have had OCD for at least 7 years. I am 25 years old.

I just feel so alone. I have parents that I live with, but I still feel lonely. Having OCD makes me feel like I might never be happy. I am scared of that.

I was doing really well for a while. I have been doing Exposure and Response Prevention therapy for my OCD for a while now. I had gotten to the point where my OCD was just a minor inconvenience. I stopped having panic attacks and had almost completely stopped compulsing. I felt like I had made a permanent change for the better.

I take anti-depressants and an anti psychotic that are all for OCD and depression.

My psychiatrist lowered my anti-psychotic and my OCD got a lot worse and my panic attacks came back. I don't have them as frequently but I still panic some. The obsessions are mainly focused around getting deadly ill, worrying that I accidently insulted people, worrying that i'm a pedophile or a homosexual. I am not against homosexuality but yet I still worry about it.

I also have a really bizarre obsession thinking that i've become other people. I will see a persons really clearly in my mind and will feel like I am becoming or have become that person. I will sometimes think that my brain has shrunk to be the size of a kids if the obsession is about becoming a certain person who is a child.

I also have an obsession about swalling dangerous things. I have more obsessions but these are the ones that come to mind more immediately. I have a romantic idea of suicide. I'm not going to kill myself, but I do feel like it a lot.

I hope someone can relate. I just feel so down.::

 

[MikeyC]

Hi David, welcome to the forum.

I don't have OCD so I can't really relate, but it does sound very debilitating for you to have the best quality of life. It's not something you would want to carry around with you, but it also sounds so intense that it's very hard to get out of. I'm very sorry you have it and are having trouble dealing with it.

I would probably suggest to your psychiatrist to revert to your higher dosage of anti-depressants and anti-psychotics if the panic attacks and obsessions have come back. It's not a nice thing to be on those things but it sounds like you need it.

Good luck with everything.

 

[Aletheia]

Hi David, and welcome to the forum.

I don't have OCD, but it sounds really difficult, and I admire you for having taken steps towards dealing with it.

I relate to feeling alone. I relate to worrying about insulting people.

And I relate to romanticizing suicide. I still sometimes wish I'd get cancer, but my meds help with that.

 

[YellowBird]

Hey there,I have ocd too(among other things),it's common to have a bunch of disorders like those,SAD,GAD,OCD,BDD etc since all of them are triggered by anxiety.You need to always have in mind that it is your ocd and that it's not your personality,everyone has terrible thoughts they find to go against their beliefs but they are able to determine they are not really who they are.Remember that obsessions are usually what you feel most opposite to,meaning in reality,it's nothing like 'the real you'.Try not to suppress those thoughts,avoiding them or neutralizing them,these methods are inaffective.The key is how you react to your repugnant thoughts.The thought pops into your head and you panic'what if this is me,what if I'm a bad person',it sounds ridiculous but try to remain calm(I'm trying this myself)and don't be afraid of those thoughts.Remember if you were really that kind of person,you wouldn't worry about being one,who would just be!Hang in there,you are not alone.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

You are not alone. There are many of us that suffer from OCD. I developed OCD when I was 8 years old. When it was at its worse I really did feel like I was going to die; thankfully, it has gotten much better.

I am glad you have been able to get relief from therapy and medication. We really can get our OCD to be just a minor inconvenience. Seems like you need to up your anti-psychotic med to get the desired effect. I hope you have already talked to your doctor about that. If they work for you keep taking them. The side-effects can be icky, I know. They never worked for me that is why I stopped taking them. But they work for you and that is great. That is what they were made.

Don't feel so down. It will be okay. Welcome to the forum.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

You need to always have in mind that it is your ocd and that it's not your personality.

Thank you for posting that. We really do need to remind ourselves that this is not who we are, it is our OCD and SA, and we can overcome them.

 

[YellowBird]

Thank you for posting that. We really do need to remind ourselves that this is not who we are, it is our OCD and SA, and we can overcome them.

You are very welcome.As unimaginable as it sounds,we know people have been cured from this nightmare,we need to support each other and have faith,we deserve our right to life just as everyone else.

 

[Significatif]

I want to thank everyone who responded to my message. It means a lot that other people care and or can relate. My psychiatrist has put me on an increased dose of the anti-psychotic that I was talking about. The thing is. The meds don't make my OCD go away, but they do seem to have some sort of affect. I think they might help a little bit. Once, again. It makes me feel better knowing that otherrs can relate to the problems that I have been having. Thanks again everyone.

 

[SAYC]

I was doing really well for a while. I have been doing Exposure and Response Prevention therapy for my OCD for a while now. I had gotten to the point where my OCD was just a minor inconvenience. I stopped having panic attacks and had almost completely stopped compulsing. I felt like I had made a permanent change for the better.

My psychiatrist lowered my anti-psychotic and my OCD got a lot worse and my panic attacks came back.

Hi, David,

I have had OCD like yours for around 30 years but diagnosed 7 years ago when it was too unbearable to hide anymore. I was put on meds and it took lots of time and psychotherapy to separate myself from the OCD; my mantra still is "it's not me, it's OCD". I have tried 4 times over the past 5 years to decrease the meds because I believed the brain pathways should have been fixed, I wanted to try it on my own. I was doing great with more than 80% of my time OCD free.

Yet despite a very good life with a secure marriage and job, continued psychotherapy and medical care, the thoughts came back when the med dose decreased. Each time, the thoughts would sneak back in and I would find myself being sucked into believing them again. It would become unbearable and I would resume the full dose.

Both psychologists and psychiatrists have told me that people with OCD need meds to keep things under control. Like a diabetic, we are missing something. I lived and struggled through my teen years, med school and having children, all without meds. It can be done, I know. OCD can wax and wane. But now that I know how I am on meds, how quiet my mind is, I know I want to fully live my life and not merely survive.

Recently my psychiatrist told me that if you stop taking a neurotransitter med, you have a 20% chance of not responding to it next time you want to go back on it. If you stop again, a 40% chance of not responding, and so on.

I really wish you the best and hope that you will get sorted again. You are not OCD.