Skyespirit86
Member
I'm even embarrassed to write this. I like watching films and tv, I also love music. i get films in the post as well as streaming and although i get through quite a few i regularly find myself struggling to watch something because of feeling embarrassed about it. I can't open the discs i get in the post, when i do i turn the discs over so noone i hope can see them although the second something is seen by my eyes i feel it is seen by others who are interested psychically. I would rather go online to see what i have been sent as it will be on my rental account. I drape a sheet over myself and the computer screen when i find it impossible to get on with something, but it doesnt get rid of the fear completely. im doing that now, and i still feel watched. I listen to/hear voices the whole time and believe in a dream world, that i doubt i will ever stop believing in now. although i might only have started doing this about 8 years ago, there are things in the way i think and feel which are related which i have always had- and i very much link them to my dad. He has had odd experiences which sound just like me- such as sudden vertigo and faintness- and comes out with ideas that i have always thought about. it did feel age 18 as though i suddenly kind of went mad in relation to pyschotic type things but really my beliefs have always been unusual. i just became became aware of it properly and it became very active in my mind, present all the time. I have always felt embarrassed of things and have countless memories, eg putting my hands round a drawing i was doing in school and leaning over it so the teacher couldn't look, not being able to smile in school photos, being too embarrassed to admit i liked music and being unable to dance.
It is just getting so impossible though- i can barely do something in my own home. because i feel presences around me and in my head all the time, nothing i do physically can stop me being watched, and i cant just stop feeling embarrassed. I stop doing the thing instead.
I find myself turning around while getting undressed because a presence is trying to watch, and it will keep following me as i turn.(they often call themselves 'friends' in my world but the dream world is always playing tricks on you. i wont actually willingly buy into the games it tries to play, as long as i can undermine it i will). i think they can take pictures, and know all my secrets, it will taunt me with them in front of other psychic beings and i cant hide them.
Obviously i now suffer with more mental health problems than just the social anxiety but its obvious that the social anxiety blends with it, making me embarrassed even in front of 'invisible' people.
I find it impossible to write creatively, even under a sheet, to read certain books, to look up certain things on google, to express sexual feelings, to buy, view or try on clothes, to fantasise to myself, although i may manage to do these things on some occasions it wasn't that easy or enjoyable, and was just to get some relief. I sometimes drink to make it easier, or im just in a rare determined mood- but i must always be careful.
i'm too embarrassed to have certain images in my head since they will be seen by the psychic beings, i never look behind myself when ive been to the toilet, i wont go fo a smear test although i have booked myself in twice, i dont pay attention to my naked self, i dont try and put on make up or make an outift (the latter is occasionally called for, and i usually turn to my mum for help as she is all i have but its rarely fruitful, most of the opportunities i needed it for just pass. I have even burnt clothes afterwards so that i have no embarrassment on opening a cupboard or drawer.) i never do anything that will end up being used. I'm afraid of things that are related to my physical health because i dont want to be sick. i alwso dream of having a family but how the hell would i give birth?
i get such a lot of anger and pain stored up because i feel they jsut wont have respect and leave me alone, i do tell them to but nothing feels any different, and sometimes they are actively taunting me or getting involved (any involvement is unwanted even if it was 'nice') so i still cant relax and then the frustration builds. i waste good opportunities, eg i spend too long writing my cv and then the job closes. i ask my mum to look at it even though i know im probably better at it than her now, and she isn't interested. I'm 26 and i wait a whole week, with a cv in limbo, too embarrassed to do it fully myself, absolutely going out of my mind coz the job may be something really important to me. then i have to watch it go, like everything else.
Are any of you like this too?
It is just getting so impossible though- i can barely do something in my own home. because i feel presences around me and in my head all the time, nothing i do physically can stop me being watched, and i cant just stop feeling embarrassed. I stop doing the thing instead.
I find myself turning around while getting undressed because a presence is trying to watch, and it will keep following me as i turn.(they often call themselves 'friends' in my world but the dream world is always playing tricks on you. i wont actually willingly buy into the games it tries to play, as long as i can undermine it i will). i think they can take pictures, and know all my secrets, it will taunt me with them in front of other psychic beings and i cant hide them.
Obviously i now suffer with more mental health problems than just the social anxiety but its obvious that the social anxiety blends with it, making me embarrassed even in front of 'invisible' people.
I find it impossible to write creatively, even under a sheet, to read certain books, to look up certain things on google, to express sexual feelings, to buy, view or try on clothes, to fantasise to myself, although i may manage to do these things on some occasions it wasn't that easy or enjoyable, and was just to get some relief. I sometimes drink to make it easier, or im just in a rare determined mood- but i must always be careful.
i'm too embarrassed to have certain images in my head since they will be seen by the psychic beings, i never look behind myself when ive been to the toilet, i wont go fo a smear test although i have booked myself in twice, i dont pay attention to my naked self, i dont try and put on make up or make an outift (the latter is occasionally called for, and i usually turn to my mum for help as she is all i have but its rarely fruitful, most of the opportunities i needed it for just pass. I have even burnt clothes afterwards so that i have no embarrassment on opening a cupboard or drawer.) i never do anything that will end up being used. I'm afraid of things that are related to my physical health because i dont want to be sick. i alwso dream of having a family but how the hell would i give birth?
i get such a lot of anger and pain stored up because i feel they jsut wont have respect and leave me alone, i do tell them to but nothing feels any different, and sometimes they are actively taunting me or getting involved (any involvement is unwanted even if it was 'nice') so i still cant relax and then the frustration builds. i waste good opportunities, eg i spend too long writing my cv and then the job closes. i ask my mum to look at it even though i know im probably better at it than her now, and she isn't interested. I'm 26 and i wait a whole week, with a cv in limbo, too embarrassed to do it fully myself, absolutely going out of my mind coz the job may be something really important to me. then i have to watch it go, like everything else.
Are any of you like this too?
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