I feel like such a god **** idiot!

[NightTimeForever]

I am so frustrated right now, it's not even funny! Part of it is just a random irritability because I am so lonely. Even though I am moving in with some roommates in about a week, and things might be looking up.

But, a large part of frustration comes from this girl, who I work with (posted about her before). Quick recap, she said she liked me flirted with me, I didn't do anything because I am stupid as **** she got married, is now separated but is currently seeing someone (a few months). I know I should probably just drop it, but even though I try not to think about her, I do (its driving me crazy!).

Thing is, the few times I've asked her something work -related recently she has a scowl on her face before she starts talking to me. Bascically, I pretty much ignore her unless I HAVE to talk to her (b/c I am so nervous around her). She probably thinks I am the world's biggest jerk, is this something that is possible to rectify, or did I screw up our "relationship" beyond repair?

 

[bcguitar]

ya sorry but its done man .. just move on . its for the better.

 

[MrTornado]

......................

 

[NightTimeForever]

You could very well be right, I'm just looking for more lengthy replies I guess. Maybe this is just wishful thinking. I'm hoping for some socially insightful advice to get her to at least warm up to me.

 

[NightTimeForever]

Hmmm...anyone else? Note: I'm not expecting her to go out with me while she has a bf, but maybe if we become friends in time she might see I am different, then maybe she would change her mind? I dunno, could just be wishful thinking.

 

[Jay Cataldo]

You are obsessing over a girl that you have no real history with simply because you are lonely. Since you sit home and think about it over and over... your feelings are getting waaaaay out of control and you have lost all perspective on the situation.

The best thing to do is to go find some new girls to talk to, but I'm assuming that you feel a special bond with this one because she said she liked you at some point which makes you think you can "get" her. So all in all, we both know you're not going to listen to anyone who says you should move on. Instead, you're going to talk about her to everyone you can in the hopes that someone will tell you what you want to hear: that you should go pursue it.

Even if you go this route, because you're incredibly nervous around her, completely consumed by the situation and desperate for her to like you... you will inevitably come off creepy as hell... and you'll end up freaking her out for sure.

If you were actually together at one point, I would tell you to go buy my book and learn exactly what to do, but unfortunately, it's not easy to win a girl BACK if you've never had her. Sorry.

 

[Off The Wall]

^^ Kudos to you for good answers!

sorry just thought i'd randomly add that in the post...

 

[Ubersonic]

I would suggest start talking to her again and be friendly. If she refuses to open up after a while, oh well. You can say you at least tried to make things better.

You'll be nervous as hell, but it's sounds like this whole ordeal is driving you nuts. Remind yourself of this, the nervousness you feel while talking to her will be less painful than doing nothing.

 

[Jay Cataldo]

^^ Kudos to you for good answers!

sorry just thought i'd randomly add that in the post...

LOL Thanks man. Hit me up with some rep points. Show a brotha some love. ::

 

[NightTimeForever]

You are obsessing over a girl that you have no real history with simply because you are lonely. Since you sit home and think about it over and over... your feelings are getting waaaaay out of control and you have lost all perspective on the situation.

The best thing to do is to go find some new girls to talk to, but I'm assuming that you feel a special bond with this one because she said she liked you at some point which makes you think you can "get" her. So all in all, we both know you're not going to listen to anyone who says you should move on. Instead, you're going to talk about her to everyone you can in the hopes that someone will tell you what you want to hear: that you should go pursue it.

Even if you go this route, because you're incredibly nervous around her, completely consumed by the situation and desperate for her to like you... you will inevitably come off creepy as hell... and you'll end up freaking her out for sure.

If you were actually together at one point, I would tell you to go buy my book and learn exactly what to do, but unfortunately, it's not easy to win a girl BACK if you've never had her. Sorry.

Actually, she would always bother and initiate conversations with me. She's touched me, multiple times, I've caught her staring at me, multiple times. She even said she was "following" me at one point. She even tried to get really close to me the other day.

So, bascically, you are saying I have no chance in hell right? That it is completely out of the realm of possibility? That she was never truly interested at all?

Perhaps you are right, I am obsessing, but you seem to think I am a complete loser, by the wording in your post, so whatever...

 

[Jay Cataldo]

Actually, she would always bother and initiate conversations with me. She's touched me, multiple times, I've caught her staring at me, multiple times. She even said she was "following" me at one point. She even tried to get really close to me the other day.

So, bascically, you are saying I have no chance in hell right? That it is completely out of the realm of possibility? That she was never truly interested at all?

Perhaps you are right, I am obsessing, but you seem to think I am a complete loser, by the wording in your post, so whatever...

She may have been interested in the past, but this has no bearing on her current interest level. You said she's been bitchy to you lately, which doesn't mean she doesn't like you, but you're avoiding her instead of handling the situation properly. The only way to really gauge her interest is to ask her to hang out and see what she says.

I'm don't think you're a loser... you're just obsessing over a girl you've never dated which is going to make it impossible for you to act normal around her. Either man up and tell her you wanna hang out or find a new girl before you make yourself nuts. You're just creating pain for yourself by obsessing instead of acting.

 

[Errordotocx]

You are obsessing over a girl that you have no real history with simply because you are lonely. Since you sit home and think about it over and over... your feelings are getting waaaaay out of control and you have lost all perspective on the situation.

The best thing to do is to go find some new girls to talk to, but I'm assuming that you feel a special bond with this one because she said she liked you at some point which makes you think you can "get" her. So all in all, we both know you're not going to listen to anyone who says you should move on. Instead, you're going to talk about her to everyone you can in the hopes that someone will tell you what you want to hear: that you should go pursue it.

Even if you go this route, because you're incredibly nervous around her, completely consumed by the situation and desperate for her to like you... you will inevitably come off creepy as hell... and you'll end up freaking her out for sure.

If you were actually together at one point, I would tell you to go buy my book and learn exactly what to do, but unfortunately, it's not easy to win a girl BACK if you've never had her. Sorry.

Very interesting.

I never thought of this from this perspective. I myself tend to over obsess myself with someone I don't even really know. I need to somehow learn to tone this down.

 

[Jay Cataldo]

Very interesting.

I never thought of this from this perspective. I myself tend to over obsess myself with someone I don't even really know. I need to somehow learn to tone this down.

This is very common and something I cover extensively in my book. I have a few different methods for eliminating this tendency but one of the most effective is to not allow yourself to have any thoughts about the person at all unless they're right in front of you. To do this, you need to catch yourself every time they pop into your head and immediately change the mental pictures you are seeing to something else... kind of like changing the channel on your tv.

At first, it seems almost impossible... thoughts of the person keep popping up over and over. But with repeated practice, your brain eventually stops allowing the person to pop up into your head. This is the basis for controlling all of your thoughts which will lead to you having control over your emotions.

The reason this is so important (something almost nobody realizes) is that the more you think about a person when they are not around, the more intense your feelings for them will become. This is how people trick themselves into falling in love with a person they barely know... they start to become attached to a fantasy inside their mind. And once you're in love with someone you hardly communicate with, the anxiety you will feel around them can become overwhelming, which is what I assume is happening to nighttimeforever.

 

[Errordotocx]

The reason this is so important (something almost nobody realizes) is that the more you think about a person when they are not around, the more intense your feelings for them will become. This is how people trick themselves into falling in love with a person they barely know... they start to become attached to a fantasy inside their mind. And once you're in love with someone you hardly communicate with, the anxiety you will feel around them can become overwhelming, which is what I assume is happening to nighttimeforever.

Wow, you pretty much aced it completely. I have and still occasionally do exactly what you are explaining. Wow.

 

[Jay Cataldo]

Wow, you pretty much aced it completely. I have and still occasionally do exactly what you are explaining. Wow.

Of course you do. This is how EVERYBODY falls in love.... by thinking about the object of their affection when they're not with them. If you think about the last person you were in love with, chances are you spent some time with them, then went home and started imagining what your life would be like if that person was part of it (future dates, sex, marriage, etc.). And if you keep repeating this process, eventually, you start to feel good feelings every time you think of them.

While this is a natural process, there are still two huge dangers you have to watch out for: 1. making yourself fall in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way and 2. making yourself fall in love with someone you barely spend any time with. In this case, since you barely know them, your mind has to fill in the blanks and you end up falling in love with a vision or fantasy in your mind which you then project onto them in the real world.

Not only does this make you act strange around them, but they will often get weirded out by your over-the-top interest... since you barely know them, they assume you just want them for their looks or some other arbitrary reason, which is usually true.

Wanting to have sex with someone because they're hot is fine... but falling in love because she looks a certain way or smiled at you "this one time" makes you come off creepy as hell. The girls who would appreciate this behavior are either incredibly narcissistic or have no self-esteem whatsoever.

 

[NightTimeForever]

She may have been interested in the past, but this has no bearing on her current interest level. You said she's been bitchy to you lately, which doesn't mean she doesn't like you, but you're avoiding her instead of handling the situation properly. The only way to really gauge her interest is to ask her to hang out and see what she says.

I'm don't think you're a loser... you're just obsessing over a girl you've never dated which is going to make it impossible for you to act normal around her. Either man up and tell her you wanna hang out or find a new girl before you make yourself nuts. You're just creating pain for yourself by obsessing instead of acting.

Yes, I suppose you're right. Obsessing instead of acting isn't a good thing, and I suppose asking for advice is just my way of stalling.

 

[Havocan]

If she's still the one triggering all conversations and even touches you that means she's still interested in you. So I'd advise you to ask her out and see what happens. Just try to "do" something together that's not job related and see how things turn out^^.

 

[lurknomore]

I think "obsessing" about people that show interest in you is something that shy people are probably prone to more than others- since so few people show interest in you, you try to latch onto the ones that do. And it can be an ego shattering thing for shy people to understand that they were not as relatively "important" to the other person as that person was to them, if that person isn't shy and has many people that they interact with and show interest in on a regular basis, so forgetting about one that isn't responding as quickly or in the "right" way is no big deal to them. We don't want to think that we are that forgettable or dismissable to people, because it just seems to reinforce or "prove" some of the reasons that we are shy in the first place.