no1
Banned
I grew up with a lot of social problems. It's really too much to explain. I don't know what to do about it and I feel hopeless. Mainly I feel hopeless due to the fact that.. growing up I was supposed to learn certain things which now it's harder to learn. I feel developmentally retarded (although not in the definition that most would think), and I also think there is nothing that can help bring me to a state of balance. I will always be edgy, for it is in my biology, it has been a pattern for too long, now it's ingrained into my physiology, and it's very hard to get out of. Nothing can change my past. I feel my problem is not just mental but also biological/physiological. I feel as if there was only one chance to do things, to experience some things, and it should have been in some time in my past. I am also very different from others, making it harder to relate with anyone else. I am kind of nihilistic also, very much into things that are 'hidden' from most, things are not really accepted much. Not that they are bad they are just.. misunderstood I guess. Don't get me wrong these are not things that people would think is absolutely crazy, just some things that are not considered 'normal', so I feel outcasted. I am not 'in' with the 'in' crowd, I don't know whats 'in' or 'out'.
I dont know. My main concern is that I feel like it's hopeless because of the first things I mentioned: that it is part of my biology, it's like... when a person get's too old. I feel I will always be this way,no matter what I do. There are no known methods to completely cure me, and reverse it. It seems I can never be normal again, dysfunctional.. it is my biology, my physiology, I feel that it is deeply disturbed.
Who would understand this? How will I ever find a friend? How could I ever find "love"? I've never had many friends. I don't even know what friends are, neither do I know what "love" is, and I do have a hard time accepting the primitive nature of humanity.
Some people think I just have OCD, or am just too scared. I believe that I am a burden to most. I don't go out because I am disturbing, pathetic, unworthy, a danger, like, a beast or abomination. I feel irreconcilable. I don't even know what else to write or if it's worth it. I will see a psychologist or social worker soon, but I am unsure if it would help. I also don't believe in much of "western" allopathic medicine and science since sometimes it only treats symptoms and not the actual causes. Even "chemical imbalance" is a symptom. They see things only black and white a lot of the time and fail to see very crucial things, sometimes even causing more problems. I don't blame the good people who really want to help, but it's the way the system has been set up. Things are really messed up in this world, there are hidden "authorities" that nobody knows about in crucial places which set things up or influence the whole. I know it seems like a grand conspiracy, and I know it makes me seem psychopathic schizo, or whatever, but there really are some messed up things in this world.
Is it really hopeless? Would I ever be able to find a meaninful, REAL, and lasting recovery?
I dont know. My main concern is that I feel like it's hopeless because of the first things I mentioned: that it is part of my biology, it's like... when a person get's too old. I feel I will always be this way,no matter what I do. There are no known methods to completely cure me, and reverse it. It seems I can never be normal again, dysfunctional.. it is my biology, my physiology, I feel that it is deeply disturbed.
Who would understand this? How will I ever find a friend? How could I ever find "love"? I've never had many friends. I don't even know what friends are, neither do I know what "love" is, and I do have a hard time accepting the primitive nature of humanity.
Some people think I just have OCD, or am just too scared. I believe that I am a burden to most. I don't go out because I am disturbing, pathetic, unworthy, a danger, like, a beast or abomination. I feel irreconcilable. I don't even know what else to write or if it's worth it. I will see a psychologist or social worker soon, but I am unsure if it would help. I also don't believe in much of "western" allopathic medicine and science since sometimes it only treats symptoms and not the actual causes. Even "chemical imbalance" is a symptom. They see things only black and white a lot of the time and fail to see very crucial things, sometimes even causing more problems. I don't blame the good people who really want to help, but it's the way the system has been set up. Things are really messed up in this world, there are hidden "authorities" that nobody knows about in crucial places which set things up or influence the whole. I know it seems like a grand conspiracy, and I know it makes me seem psychopathic schizo, or whatever, but there really are some messed up things in this world.
Is it really hopeless? Would I ever be able to find a meaninful, REAL, and lasting recovery?