I don't know

[Tab]

Tonight I was with my cousin and my other one was suposed to come too but he ditched me. we were suposed to all drink but the 2 of us did. Anyway, I thought things were going good for me but they rnt. I was at the doctors a couple weeks ago and I got my meds boosted. Since then I've felt pretty good. Anyway, I thought the people close to me understood me but they don't, tonight I told my cousin how things aren't goood and he said oh well you just don't try. Well I'm done relying on others that don't know how things fucking SA works so from now on I'm only going to talk to you guys and get your opinions cuz aparently normal people r fucked.

 

[Sad-Kitten]

I tried telling my uncle once it was the first time i ever told anyone besides my mom but he didn't understand and still just thinks i'm shy. :x

This may sound dumb but. I have noticed that many don't understand, because they don't really know what SA is. Have you thought of maybe printing a article on SA out and giving it to them so that they can get a better understanding on your situation? Have them read it, then if they still don't make an effort to understand then f*ck em, you can find better friends who understand you. Sorry if this doesn't help.

 

[Fairylicious]

It's complicated....

I get what you mean...

As far as my blood family, the only people i have tried to tell about what i go through (well at least part of what i go through) is my mom (who feels guilty and just end up with me trying to make her feel better), and to an extent my sisters who are younger and i've always had to take on a protective parental role for... So i don't want to burden them with what i fear will be their future too.

But as far as they are concerned, i know that they are not capable of giving me the support i need to get through this. I know that they would do nothing more than re-traumatize me. And so i make the choice not to let them into that part of my life (or many others, really). Because the bottom line is that not everyone out there is cut out for understanding mental health issues... probably so blindly caught up in their own, they refuse to reason that the mind could have such an affect on your day to day life.

anyhow,
i am lucky enough to have a second family.
The key components of which are fully aware of my struggles, and are supportive as much as the can be.

one such person is actually my lifeline. She's my counsin. The reason why i manage to get out of bed everyday is because of her. Ironically, she's just as fucked up as i am and has also been labled Agoraphobic... mixed with a bunch of other shit... along the way. We are like two peas in a pod. And for which, I'd think that she'd be more sensitive in her supportiveness. I know that she supports me and knows how hard the struggle is... But i also feel like she pushes me and expects of me far more and far harsher than anyone else. I know a lot of it is because we are so close that we know how to get to each other, and in all reality, she's a rough around the edges type who believes in tough love (she's my mother's age).
Still i wish that she could comfort me in the way she knows i want and need but all but refuses to give me. I know why she wants me to be more productive-- because she can't.

But it doesn't make the conversations easier.
All the same, she's like my grounding force.

 

[Sad-Kitten]

Good post, its a lot easier when you have someone to relate to and is willing to take a bit of time to push you forward.

 

[Fairylicious]

Good post, its a lot easier when you have someone to relate to and is willing to take a bit of time to push you forward.

Thanks!

As much as i butt heads with my cousin... as much as she has a knack for making me feel like shit by forcing me to actually see myself, i wouldn't trade her for the world. She's like my rock... and a lot of that has to do with her ability to reach me, get me to look at myself, and love me anyway (no matter how shameful i think it is).

it is because she has gained that trust-- and she has shown me that she's not just going to blow a buch of smoke up my ass, that i do actually move forward (though it seems like non-existant progress).

i know i'm lucky

that doesn't always help, but at least i know.

everyone should have someone.