I dont know why I'm writing

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orange_balloon

Member
Hi Everyone,

I'm not really all that sure why I'm writing. Maybe just to get some things off my chest. Anyway, I'm a 20 year old male that has never been in a relationship and I am currently unemployed. I'm in college, I have straight As but while the few people I actually talk to at school are envious of that fact, I know deep down that the only reason I have good grades is because I force myself to do it because it tentatively gives me a false feeling of self worth. I also hate the fact that I feel like a total hypocrite. I want to go to parties, but when I get invited I make up a reason why I cant go. I want more friends but when people try to get close I push them away. I want a job but whenever I get an offer, I always turn it down! Does anybody else do this? I think one of the worse parts is that I've been sick alot as off late, and so for now my doctors told me not to start any kind of therapy yet because they said that some depression symptoms may just be from being sick and that after I'm better then the therapists could focus on the SA. They said give it about a month and a half. I'm having a hard time waiting because I want to start working on it right away, but I guess I can look at is that I have been feeling this way for years, a month or so longer wont hurt.

Sorry for the lengthy post. Any kind of feedback at all would be great! If you go through the same situations, or if you just want to tell your own story I would be happy to read it. Thanks :)
 
K

klytus

Well-known member
...because it tentatively gives me a false feeling of self worth.
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Bullcrap. That feeling is very real and for a good reason. Good grades are an achievement.

If you turn offers down on purpose, say because you simply don't have the time, then it's perfectly fine. In fact, that is the only rational thing to do. Once in a while you may want to go out and get some fresh air - that is a natural desire. Then you can just ask those people if they have anything planned - only very seldom would people not take you with them.
 
O

orange_balloon

Member
klytus said:
Bullcrap. That feeling is very real and for a good reason. Good grades are an achievement.
Click to expand...

Perhaps I should have worded better. The problem is my whole self worth is dependent on a grade on a paper.

If you turn offers down on purpose, say because you simply don't have the time, then it's perfectly fine. In fact, that is the only rational thing to do. Once in a while you may want to go out and get some fresh air - that is a natural desire. Then you can just ask those people if they have anything planned - only very seldom would people not take you with them.
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Well I'm usually free, I turn them down because I am afraid to go. Then when people don't ask me anymore because I continuously reject them, I'm the one that feels rejected. I know it is all quite silly and irrational but that's how I usually act. ::eek::
 
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