I don't know what to do about my mom

[TheNewZero]

Tonight my mom told everyone at dinner that she was closing her practice (she's a physician) because she doesn't make enough money. She said that she was feeling really bad about it and had to tell us how she was feeling. None of my brothers or sisters said anything to her, and they all just changed the topic. Including me. Later that night she told my brother who was sitting next to her that she had to go to her psychiatrist yesterday because she was thinking about walking into traffic and killing herself. None of my sisters heard her, and I pretended not to. Later I was alone in the kitchen getting ready to take my dog out and she came up to me and said that she was serious about feeling bad, and that she wanted something more from us than just jokes and for us to be serious about it. All I did was smile and say I was being serious! When I came back she was in the kitchen sobbing.

I know that I was being a jerk to her, but I don't know what to do. I was thinking to myself when she was talking to me that I should hug her and say something nice but I couldn't. I hate being serious with people, it's one of those things that I get really nervous about. My mom was a really bad mom to me when I was little and used to hit me a lot. She's a lot better now, but I'm still scared of her and was never able to talk to her. I think that I subconsciously resent her for how she treated me when I was little because I rarely feel bad for her. She complains so much about her life and all I can feel is anger that she brings us into it, and most of the time I think she's making it up to get sympathy from us. I just don't know what to do. I mean, she thought about killing herself today. That's a huge deal, and I feel so helpless about it. She's been in therapy for years now and me and my sisters think she has Bipolar, but it seems like both her therapist and her psychiatrist don't do anything for her. I just wish I could tell her that I'm there for her.

Well, sorry for the long post I just needed to vent a little.

 

[nephatitus]

i heard an old saying that the parent must not burden their children

but i can relate

my mom used to have a short fuse when i was little and sometimes hit me when it was not nessesary and i still have ill feelings towards her to this day. now that because im taller that her she has stopped. i can only forgive her since she was being so weak, thats the only thing i can do but thats how i will always see her as, just a weak person

 

[TheNewZero]

i heard an old saying that the parent must not burden their children

but i can relate

my mom used to have a short fuse when i was little and sometimes hit me when it was not nessesary and i still have ill feelings towards her to this day. now that because im taller that her she has stopped. i can only forgive her since she was being so weak, thats the only thing i can do but thats how i will always see her as, just a weak person

Yeah I know what you mean. She told my twelve year-old brother she was suicidal. That's wrong on so many levels. Just another example of something she does that makes me angry. But I shouldn't be mad at her because I know she's going through a hard time.

I'm studying to become a teacher, so I've been more aware of all the things she used to do, and still does even, that's just wrong. I guess some good will come of it, because I've already decided that when I do have kids I will never yell at them and I'll make sure that they always feel safe with me. I just feel sad about my mom I guess cause it's something that can't be fixed.

 

[RiiyaRox_]

[Gone for good.]

 

[TheNewZero]

I'm afraid that's not going to be possible, sorry. Make sure you know what to do if you slipped and did something to your kids you'd regret. Things happen. We're all humans.

Me and my family don't ever talk about feelings and I wouldn't know how to tell my mom "I'm here for you" either. You could probably show you care by asking her questions about her day, her therapy, etc. You don't even have to like her to do this.

Lol I argue about this with one of my professors all the time. I'm a dog trainer and only use positive reinforcement with my dog. If it can work for dogs, it can work for kids...no but seriously I really can't think of an instance that would require a parent to yell at their child. But that's just my opinion Anyways I think I'm going to make a 'Mommy Journal' where I write all the things I do and what I want to do/say with her. I think that'll be easier to sort my thoughts.

 

[whiteraven]

Why exactly shouldn't you be mad at her?
IMHO what she's doing is completely unacceptable. My mother turned me into her own personal therapist just as soon as I could talk and having all the troubles of an adult placed on a child is way too much, especially when that adult is dealing with serious emotional issues.
I understand that you want things to be easier for her but you shouldn't feel guilty about being mad at her. Maybe I'm just a little bitter but I can't stand it when parents don't act like parents.

Anyway, I've never come out and told my mother that I was there for her. I just listen when she needs to talk, pretend that I'm truly interested, offer advice if I can and if the emotional bit starts to get too weird I think of a very large number and try to figure out the square root while she talks.

 

[ripewithdecay]

I can definitely relate to all of these stories. I'm in my twenties now and I feel like i've grown up more than my own mother, and she's like 30 years older than me. It's sad, but there's nothing you can do but learn from it.
In the end, that's all parents really are there for, right?

 

[Unregisteredashley]

well I know exactly how you feel. I am twelve I don't have bipolar but my mom does. Badly. Really, really, really, really, really, really, BADLY. She swears and swears and is violent, I DON'T know what to do, neither does my family she is crazy and my parents want a divorce but with this economy can't afford one and my mom is a lunatic, I think my dad is depressed and one side of my family hates the other and I don't know what to do. I am regular kid growing up with a not normal mom...Ideas?