I don't Know how if I can help her

[dannyboy65]

This is killing me I just need to write it all out. It's stressing me right out and it's stressing my girlfriend worse then me. My girlfriend is in crippling debt, she has no job and has applied to 50+ jobs, and only 1 interview. Her car is starting to break down too, so she can't drive long distances now. She also has a 3 year old she has to support and buy things for. She has only a few hundred bucks from the government for a month because of her son which has to be paid for his daycare. The father of her son too has not been paying child support. She is completely broke.

I offered to pay stuff for her, but she won't take my money. I really want to help and I don't care if I have to pay just seeing her this stressed is stressing me out. I don't know how I can help her, I am willing to do anything.

 

[Sacrament]

She should be willing to accept your help and at least say she'd pay you back. It's what friends/boyfriends/whatever are for. It's your choice to help her, it's not like she's asking for it.

 

[hoddesdon]

Perhaps if she went to a court to pursue the child support (?)

 

[BlackPuma]

She might be too proud to let you help, which is reinforced by the fact that things aren't going well. It can make her feel tested by circumstance and in turn make her overly defensive towards outside help.

It's hard to determine from the outside and with little reference to her character and philosophy, but it might be worth it to talk to her and remind her that in a relationship you're strongest as a unit. Which includes pooling resources in time of need.

If not for herself- at least for her son. His long term memory will start in a year or two, it would be best if both his mom and him were happiest they could be. Pride and/or stubbornness is a hard thing to overcome and sometimes it requires a second opinion to break out of.

Though, of course, this may not be the right approach for the situation. You know her better than we do. But regardless, I hope you and her can figure it out.

 

[fate12321]

Help her out, man. Even if she refuses your help, it's best to help her out in her current situation.

 

[Requiescat]

I agree with BlackPuma.

 

[AlienGeranium]

Keep some money aside, leave the offer open, and wait. Everyone has a point where things get so bad that despite how proud or self sufficient or stubborn they are, they will accept help. Hopefully for her it will not get to that point, but if it does just be sure to be there.

 

[dannyboy65]

Thank you everybody who commented, here is an update. For her car, her dad told her they will get a new car and he will pay for the moment. For her sons day care if she can't pay it full I will pay half or all of it depending on the situation. For the job I am helping her practice her interview skills and showing her how to build a professional resume. For gas I told her if she wants to see me I will pay for the gas. It's a struggle in our relationship at the moment but we are going to make it through this together we talked it out for 3 hours the other night and put great thought into it.