Freestyle, it starts and ends w/u. Change ur mindset, change ur life. Wonderful insight to ur situation. Jimbo is the best! For "pointing" this all out to u!
Most of what I want to say is not directed towards u, Linseca. I just have some observations and ur post helps highlite them. When u meet pple, u never have a blank slate. Ur immediately labeling them. U, me and everyone else on the planet does this. There is no blank slate unless ur an embryo that doesn't have the ability to make judgments or find things attractive/unattractuve, likeable/unlikeable. There's no blank slate b-cuz subconscious memories, associations, feelings, etc come into ur mind upon every meeting. U're consciously, subconsciously or unconsciously making judgments about the person ur metting with. If u're self-description is "incredibly shy" u're not coming off to others as "openminded" or "friendly" as u mignt have percieved u were. Shyness is most often percieved as aloofness, arrogance or indiference. Hence the observation that many pple w/SA are described as "arrogant". How would u- or anyone else- describe a person that made seemingly little effort to talk to u, didn't ask u any questions about urself, didn't smile and appeared as if they'd like to get away from u? Would u describe them as arrogant? Self-indulged? Rude? People, including those w/sa, don't know how to react and don't respond well to these attitudes (even though they're percieved). The difference is that pple w/SA don't often see these qualities in themselves. They see their own struggles and the things they've overcome. They see how hard they're trying. But the thing to remember is that there are at least 2 pple having the experience and percieving the events. That means there are 2 perspectives. 2 points of view. Urs and the other person (or persons). Of these 2, the only one u can change, the only one that matters is Urs. If u believe pple are good- pple will seem good to u. What I hate is when pple w/sa determine that they're soo very different from "society" that nobody else can possibly understand them. Does anyone else see the paradox in this statement?!! If it's what U believe, its what U will experience. Take the OPs friend Jimbo (and I'd like to consider him my friend too, even if its just through association!) for example. Here's a person who repeatedly reports pleasant conversations w/complete strangers. How is that possible? Is Jimbo so very, very, different from me that almost every person he meets, almost every conversation with almost every miscelaneous waitress, buisnessman or attendant is .. nice? and positive? OR, am I just operating from a different point of view than Jimbo? Am I so negative that every interaction I have I walk away from it w/either a negative impression of myself or a negative impression of the other person?
The OP has realized a monumental thing here in terms of self-growth. He's realized its a matter of perception. To take this a step further, perception is 100% based upon esteem. If ur esteem relies in others offering u assurance, u are going to have ups and downs in ur life. If ur esteem comes from a place w/in, u will find ur happiness in this world.
