I am terrified

[whycantibenormal]

I have all these racing thoughts now...what if I can't find work, what if we get further into debt, what if my husband doesn't get the house he wants, what if he resents me for that and leaves me?

I am so seized by fear right now I can't move. I know that you are supposed to do some type of exercise to burn the adrenaline off but I feel like I deserve this. I don't even feel like I deserve relief anymore bc I quit my job and destroyed my husband's dream.

The anxiety with work was debilitating enough but now I have fear and depression. I don't know what's worse! Working at a job that makes me sick and was slowly killing me but having my husband be happy or this.

Altho when I think about it he wasn't really happy bc we weren't getting the house fast enough for him bc I wasn't bringing in enough money fast enough. I know when I get a job that part won't be much diff and he'll prob still be unhappy but at least I won't have the job stress.

I'm so confused.

 

[RedRibbons]

Did he say it straight out that he was unhappy that you guys weren't getting the house fast enough? If he is to put that stress on you that is completely unfair of him.. He doesn't sound very nice.

 

[whycantibenormal]

Yeah basically that's what he says. He's kinda stopped now with me going thru all this job anxiety stuff but he'll start again.

I live by bills. If my bill box is empty, things are fine. If there are bills, life is hell. I find myself getting scared to get the mail bc I know if there are bills, my husband will go into a downward spiral. Money is this huge fear in our house.

 

[RedRibbons]

Hmm, well what is your opinion, when it comes to money? How do you feel about it? How do you feel about getting the house he wants? How important is money to you?

 

[whycantibenormal]

Money is not the be all end all of life. That's my view. I could care less about the house. I am fine living in the nice apartment complex we live in. To me, money is a necessity to live but "live" is the key word. I'm not gonna kill myself to make money. I'll work and make it. I want a job. I just want one I can handle. And I know we'll never be out on the street bc there we will always be some way. It is always provided when needed from somewhere when all else fails. Bills are not the scale to how happy I should be. Altho I still get afraid when bills pile up. Not bc of the bills themselves but bc the emotional roller coaster I will have to ride with my husband.

 

[RedRibbons]

Hmm to me it seems like you guys have a big difference of opinion, when it comes to money.. And that's what needs to be sorted out.. If you guys can both learn to compromise (say, you making sure the bills don't stack up.. aka spending wisely and keeping track of your expenditures and ensuring there is enough money to pay your bills - meaning you don't spend money you don't have unless absolutely necessary), and maybe he could learn patience.. It might help.

Have you guys ever sat down and talked about the money issue?

As you said there will always be some sort of safety, so.. There is no need to have too much stress (easier said than done, I know, but you said it your self).

Do you ever stand up for your self when he gives you a hard time? When did money become such a big deal in your marriage? You guys need to remember where your priorities are in your relationship.. And that's not around money and your ability to make money..

Also does he know how much it scares you.. To think about how he will treat you when he finds out there are bills??

 

[A-UK-Lovelly]

does he work?