Hello everyone. First of all please excuse me for my bad english. I am catalan and despite I lived one year in New York, I am losing the lenguage bit by bit because I am not very fond of talking to people, least of all, foreigners. However, I like to read english books and english authors (iris murdoch being one of my favourites) and this is why I still have some skills (but not much).
I have the problem everybody have around here. I mean, the main problem here is that we don´t get along very well with people, and after this, all of us have our special touches of mental disarrengements. I have a few of them and besides I have one more problem added. I have been expelled from all spanish forums that deal with this kind of problems so I guess now I am going to be practicing my english for a while.
I consider my life as a nightmare and I would like very much to end it, so I am continually thinking about suicide. This plannings don´t allow me to make other plans, plans that would help me change my life and make it bearable. I don´t have any friends, I hate my work, my family repudiated me because I cheated in college (I was supposed to be in college but I spent all my days there in the library reading shit). And I neither like my face nor my body, so I try to have it hiden as much as possible and if I am forced to go out I always stare to the floor and never rise my eyes cause I can´t stand people looking at me, even if they are smiling or friendly. I wonder why do I hate myself so much!
Now I am 24 years old, but when I was younger I used to be a runner. I did long distance, cross country and all that. Now I see my routine like a 10.000m race, every day starting a new race. The problem is that energies are fading away and I am getting tired of so much running, so much silence and so much solitude. Now I am on vacations and I have been for days without talking to anyone and I feel I am going crazy.
I live close to the beach and everyone is crazy about it, going up and down, laughing and excited, and I have to keep myself shut up in my room because I don´t dare to go by myself to the beach. There is plenty of people that goes by themselves, the problem is that I am vey pale and I´m sure I would call their attention and they would laugh at me. In conclusion, my friends, I am very ****ed up and I am not being able to see any way out.
I have the problem everybody have around here. I mean, the main problem here is that we don´t get along very well with people, and after this, all of us have our special touches of mental disarrengements. I have a few of them and besides I have one more problem added. I have been expelled from all spanish forums that deal with this kind of problems so I guess now I am going to be practicing my english for a while.
I consider my life as a nightmare and I would like very much to end it, so I am continually thinking about suicide. This plannings don´t allow me to make other plans, plans that would help me change my life and make it bearable. I don´t have any friends, I hate my work, my family repudiated me because I cheated in college (I was supposed to be in college but I spent all my days there in the library reading shit). And I neither like my face nor my body, so I try to have it hiden as much as possible and if I am forced to go out I always stare to the floor and never rise my eyes cause I can´t stand people looking at me, even if they are smiling or friendly. I wonder why do I hate myself so much!
Now I am 24 years old, but when I was younger I used to be a runner. I did long distance, cross country and all that. Now I see my routine like a 10.000m race, every day starting a new race. The problem is that energies are fading away and I am getting tired of so much running, so much silence and so much solitude. Now I am on vacations and I have been for days without talking to anyone and I feel I am going crazy.
I live close to the beach and everyone is crazy about it, going up and down, laughing and excited, and I have to keep myself shut up in my room because I don´t dare to go by myself to the beach. There is plenty of people that goes by themselves, the problem is that I am vey pale and I´m sure I would call their attention and they would laugh at me. In conclusion, my friends, I am very ****ed up and I am not being able to see any way out.
Last edited: