Tryin
Well-known member
Hey everyone, this is Sue speaking. I haven't been around for some time, because my anxieties seemed to have decided to let me breathe and have a life, finally. But now I feel it's all come back. I'm going crazy once again, so I'm going to visit this site once again. Actually, it feels good to be here. (I remember how huge a help it used to be. Also, it's good to write in English - which is not my native, as you may have guessed 
- I sure will improve my skills. This feels like diving into another reality, employing my another Self - a different language, different name, different topics, as I never, NEVER talk about social anxiety, or my mental well-being real time .)
I see lots of new people in the MM window - looking forward to connecting with all of you.
Anyway, what made me admit that my problems were un-ignorable again were these hysterical reactions to uncomfortable SS (social situations).
Example: Thursday, I was having my Biology lesson. (I visit high school and am 17 years old, the Biology course is one that should prepare us for our school-leaving exams. Currently I'm an extremely bad student - I got the lowest grades possible in several subjects and I am quite fearsome about the exams and about my whole future, yet I still don't find myself motivated enough to start studying.) I was talking to two of my friends (two of the people in the classroom were my friends - meaning we both understand us as friends, we talk, hang out together, and feel secure around each other, and everyone else were classmates/acquaintances, most of them I know quite well, yet they still make me nervous), laughing, acting like I was totally relaxed (there constantly is a certain level of anxiety, but I try to not let in influence me). The teacher came in and gave us a test we were supposed to write that day. (We all knew about it well in advance. I didn't study one bit and I knew I was going to flip it. It was of no big importance - I got other things to study for that I considered more important and flipping the test was totally my decision). The door closed, everyone went silent... the clock went tick-tock, tick-tock, people were concentrating on their tests or turning around and whispering for the right answers. The teacher was looking at us, obviously she didn't mind people cheating that much. She gave me the disapproving glance, seeing I was writing very little and that I was obviously unprepared. Then a friend turned and looked at me and asked me what the answer was for question no. 2. I said I had no clue and laughed nervously. She laughed too. I laughed louder. Everyone looked at me and laughed, too. And that was when I broke down. I felt myself slide back into derealization. I felt anxious and watched and just thought: "I can't stay in here any longer". And I continued laughing, not being able to stop. After spending ten minutes in the toilets trying to calm down I tried to go back to the class but of course as soon as I opened the door everyone looked at me and I exploded into another fit of laughter. And another. For nearly half an hour (the course lasts one and a half hours) I wasn't able to stay in the classroom (as we are not permitted to laugh like psychos in the classrooms), I just hysterically laughed and had to leave. While I was alone it was okay (meaning that I was not laughing) but when at one point a schoolmate entered the toilets I was hysterical again.
So, can anyone relate? Have you ever reacted in a similar way? Have you ever had an uncontrollable fit of laughter and what was it like? How are you today? Anything?
Just come and respond, love to everyone,
S.
- I sure will improve my skills. This feels like diving into another reality, employing my another Self - a different language, different name, different topics, as I never, NEVER talk about social anxiety, or my mental well-being real time .) I see lots of new people in the MM window - looking forward to connecting with all of you.
Anyway, what made me admit that my problems were un-ignorable again were these hysterical reactions to uncomfortable SS (social situations).
Example: Thursday, I was having my Biology lesson. (I visit high school and am 17 years old, the Biology course is one that should prepare us for our school-leaving exams. Currently I'm an extremely bad student - I got the lowest grades possible in several subjects and I am quite fearsome about the exams and about my whole future, yet I still don't find myself motivated enough to start studying.) I was talking to two of my friends (two of the people in the classroom were my friends - meaning we both understand us as friends, we talk, hang out together, and feel secure around each other, and everyone else were classmates/acquaintances, most of them I know quite well, yet they still make me nervous), laughing, acting like I was totally relaxed (there constantly is a certain level of anxiety, but I try to not let in influence me). The teacher came in and gave us a test we were supposed to write that day. (We all knew about it well in advance. I didn't study one bit and I knew I was going to flip it. It was of no big importance - I got other things to study for that I considered more important and flipping the test was totally my decision). The door closed, everyone went silent... the clock went tick-tock, tick-tock, people were concentrating on their tests or turning around and whispering for the right answers. The teacher was looking at us, obviously she didn't mind people cheating that much. She gave me the disapproving glance, seeing I was writing very little and that I was obviously unprepared. Then a friend turned and looked at me and asked me what the answer was for question no. 2. I said I had no clue and laughed nervously. She laughed too. I laughed louder. Everyone looked at me and laughed, too. And that was when I broke down. I felt myself slide back into derealization. I felt anxious and watched and just thought: "I can't stay in here any longer". And I continued laughing, not being able to stop. After spending ten minutes in the toilets trying to calm down I tried to go back to the class but of course as soon as I opened the door everyone looked at me and I exploded into another fit of laughter. And another. For nearly half an hour (the course lasts one and a half hours) I wasn't able to stay in the classroom (as we are not permitted to laugh like psychos in the classrooms), I just hysterically laughed and had to leave. While I was alone it was okay (meaning that I was not laughing) but when at one point a schoolmate entered the toilets I was hysterical again.
So, can anyone relate? Have you ever reacted in a similar way? Have you ever had an uncontrollable fit of laughter and what was it like? How are you today? Anything?
Just come and respond, love to everyone,
S.
