hyperhidrosis and sexual relationships

[sam123]

Hi this is my first post on here although i have been aware of it for some time and every now and again read what information there is.

My hyperhidrosis is what i think is called general and by that i mean i have it on my hands (not too bad), feet (not too bad), face, neck, airpits, chest, entire back, and my entire back of my legs and in hotter weather the front of my legs. so about 80% of my body most of the time.

it like a fair few on here has led me to feel like i cant fully be who i want to be in social situations and has led me to develop depression, which i have had all my adolescence. i am 19 at the moment and my depression is getting better as i am on prozac and going to counselling and also for the first time i have a serious gf.

and that is where the problem lies, i know she likes me and i like her, but we havent 'done' anything yet other than kiss etc and so she cant tell just how bad it is, i have told her about it but she just brushes it off as something little and says she isnt bothered

but i know that she will be, i mean i feel like a fucking freak for having this and i just dont know how she can put up with it as that is all it will be obviously she wont like it.

so my question after rambling is what do i do? i really like her and she says she likes me but i just cant help think she wont after we have sex

also what do u do when they want to hold hands? i feel so torn as i want to be close but i feel like i cant as i am disgusting and so dont.

finally what were your experiences from ur first time - as in what was there reaction to it etc.

thank you

 

[fatelhope]

she probably doesn't care that you sweat she just wants to be close to you, but don't be offended when she realizes the full extent of the sweating. people who don't experience hh don't think it is a big deal until they witness it first hand with someone when they aren't hiding it. but it seems that she shouldn't be grossed out just be prepared for her to be a little surprised and make she you talk to her before hand and if you make it out to be far worse than it actually is so when it isn't as bad as you say she won't be as surprised
at least thats what worked for me

 

[zzenn]

If she genuinely likes you, it'll be fine. If it turns out she is one of the people who react negatively.... well, better you find out sooner than later.

For me, I'm absolutely not in the slightest bothered by my wife's problem. It's her hands and feet only, but it's very severe. Some other people do comment though when they see it, mostly gossip like "wow, such a pretty girl, too bad about her sweaty hands."

The thing you have to accept is that there's some social stigma associated with sweaty anything. Hands, feet, back, face whatever.

Some people will be understanding of it or simply not care, and some people will be disgusted. Who will react how - good question, you won't know until you try.

Her younger sister one time went "ewwwwwwwww, your hand is sweaty" in the middle of a busy store, because she grabbed her. Needless to say that wasn't very nice (or smart, considering my wife has a temper).

On the other hand, she has a girlfriend who is always grabbing her hands despite them being sweaty. And when my wife asks if it doesn't bother her, she simply says she understands because someone in her own family has the same.

Btw, my wife is 22. She's had plenty of boyfriends in the past and none of them have cared much about her hands.

She has been worried in the past if it's contagious in any way and have sworn she'd rather cut off her hands than pass it on to anyone else. She's usually intelligent but when something like this occupies your mind and every day so much, it's easy to see how you can go a little nutty.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say with all this is simply.... don't worry too much. You've already told your girlfriend about it and it's time to step it up a notch. Personally, if I'm having sex (especially if the AC is off and the sun is hitting the room), I know I get very sweaty from all the exercise, so even if I had a sweaty body to start with it probably wouldnt be noticable.

Then afterwards, see how she feels. Don't obsess about it or bring it up as your after-sex-sweet talk. Save it for later. Instead, focus on making the experience as good and pleasant for her as possible. If you're too self conscious, it can totally kill the mood.

Good luck!

 

[grissom]

hh

hey, i just wanna say well done for actually telling your girlfriend, as she hasnt finished with you it's a good sign... i went about it the wrong way; i haven't told my bf yet - i'm in a serious relationship with my boyfriend and we've been together just over a year and i haven't mentioned my hh at all, he wonders why i get depressed and grumpy and i just say i hate my appearance and body (which i do but the hh is far worse).
lots of people have embarrassing problems when it comes to sex, but i understand why you feel anxious about your hh. luckily sex involves sweat, it's sexy and if you don't sweat it looks like you aren't working hard enough. just like the gym or on a boiling hot summers day, having sex is a great way (and just about one of the only ways) hh sufferers can disguise their condition. maybe you are just worrying about getting close for the first time, but after doing it lots you will get used to each other and she will long to be close to you despite your hh. i personally fear more when i'm outside in social situations with my bf, where i have to hold hands and as it's august i'm dreading being outside with him cos i know i will be sweating so much - we usually spend time more indoors where i am more calm cos i'm in my 'secure zone' (i also have social anxiety) and sweat less. as my bf probably sees me as non sweaty cos i am calm when with him i am so scared he will notice my sweatstains when we go outside. i know 1 day i will have to tell him the truth - this you have already done and that is the most biggest and most vital obstacle to overcome when beginning a relatinoship - i feel like i can't be honest with him and i fear that he will leave me. your gf won't leave you cos she already knows about your hh, you needn't worry,
grissom

 

[rado31]

it is good thing that i dont have a gf so i dont have to worry about it.
After usage of ad's for years i think i sweath more and it kinda smell. Is it because im a bit fatty? I dont know. When i walk i make a wounds on feet, between legs, i m invalid.

I remeber one event from the so far ago. On one party i pick uped guitar and tried to entertain people by playin it . I sweat on my forehead , and one of the present people-scumbag said :"_my name_ , i fuck u in yours sweaty forehead". I remembered these few days ago. People are attackin us for no reason as u know, but... In front all of you here i swear that ill bit that guy to death next time ill see him. Dont try to calm me, this guy will be either seriously injured or dead, ill punch him even if i melt in sweath while doin it.

 

[maggie]

If she genuinely likes you, it'll be fine. If it turns out she is one of the people who react negatively.... well, better you find out sooner than later.

For me, I'm absolutely not in the slightest bothered by my wife's problem. It's her hands and feet only, but it's very severe. Some other people do comment though when they see it, mostly gossip like "wow, such a pretty girl, too bad about her sweaty hands."

The thing you have to accept is that there's some social stigma associated with sweaty anything. Hands, feet, back, face whatever.

Some people will be understanding of it or simply not care, and some people will be disgusted. Who will react how - good question, you won't know until you try.

Her younger sister one time went "ewwwwwwwww, your hand is sweaty" in the middle of a busy store, because she grabbed her. Needless to say that wasn't very nice (or smart, considering my wife has a temper).

On the other hand, she has a girlfriend who is always grabbing her hands despite them being sweaty. And when my wife asks if it doesn't bother her, she simply says she understands because someone in her own family has the same.

Btw, my wife is 22. She's had plenty of boyfriends in the past and none of them have cared much about her hands.

She has been worried in the past if it's contagious in any way and have sworn she'd rather cut off her hands than pass it on to anyone else. She's usually intelligent but when something like this occupies your mind and every day so much, it's easy to see how you can go a little nutty.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say with all this is simply.... don't worry too much. You've already told your girlfriend about it and it's time to step it up a notch. Personally, if I'm having sex (especially if the AC is off and the sun is hitting the room), I know I get very sweaty from all the exercise, so even if I had a sweaty body to start with it probably wouldnt be noticable.

Then afterwards, see how she feels. Don't obsess about it or bring it up as your after-sex-sweet talk. Save it for later. Instead, focus on making the experience as good and pleasant for her as possible. If you're too self conscious, it can totally kill the mood.

Good luck!

awesome post..you make some really good points. I don't suffer from hh myself, but i think that if, by chance, she does react negatively..that it's better that you find out sooner rather than later. I think it's cool you've been honest with her, and i would respect that if i was her And like the above poster said, everybody gets sweaty during sex, so try not to worry about it too much. Someone who really cares about you will not be bothered by it. And maybe this is a really dumb question , but..here goes..what about sex in the shower? I know, slipping hazzards, awkward position and all, but would that help? :wink:

 

[sam123]

first of all thank you for the posts they have been really helpful to me and i guess i just didnt see that with already telling her i have HH is a major thing i have done and so with her not being bothered then i guess i should be ok, lol.

and i have actually thought about the shower idea, and im sure i will, haha. but i think i have to just let her realise how it is without the water of the shower even though i would prefer it that way, haha.

and i can understand how it annoys ur wife soo much as it really gets me down sometimes, especially when people i dont even know comment on it like they are some kind of expert but i guess u got to just let it go. and u probably have no problem with it at all, but for me personally when someone says they arent bothered by it, it makes me feel like they dont care/or think its nothing bad, when to me it is a real big deal, even though it wont kill me or anything. i think what it really is, is it is such a big deal to me, that when someone else wants to be close with u, u cant help but feel like they wont want to as more than likely people with HH blow it out of proportion, even though sometimes it doesnt feel like it, lol.

but thanks for the post as there was some real good advice for me in it.

ooh and i will try not to be too nervous about my sweating as i have never thought of sweating as being an attractive part of sex! but i dont know, guess we will find out tonight if she is ok with it, haha.

keep u posted, and thanks again for the posts they are really helpful

 

[sam123]

Hi all, well things didnt exactly turn out like they planned. at the time she said it was no big deal and she cared blah blah blah, and was fine with it.

however it has been a few days since then and we have since broken up and it was basically down to my hyperhidrosis. i cant lie and say that im not sad but thanks to everyone for saying the nice things they made me feel better even if they didnt turn out to be true.

Well i imagine my experiences must be shared by many hyperhidrosis sufferers, so i would like to know what most of your experiences were, e.g. do it go fine, or was it more like mine and things along those lines.

ooh and if any of u know a girl aged around 19 or slightyl older, that doesnt mind a guy with hyperhidrosis then let me know, lol.

 

[baller86]

Dude f that bitch if she leaves you cause you sweat. She's not worth it anyways. You're better off knowing what kind of person she really is.

 

[Hotshots]

Dude f that bitch if she leaves you cause you sweat. She's not worth it anyways. You're better off knowing what kind of person she really is.

yeah seriously man. Shes seem like a pretty shallow person if she "judges a book based on its cover".

 

[coriander1992]

well...as everybody else has said, if she stopped going out with you just because of HH, she is very shallow and not worth your time :wink:

 

[sad18]

sad..

Sam, this is the first time I feel like anyone understands

and have sworn she'd rather cut off her hands than pass it on to anyone else.

I so understand your wife... Beleve me, I've felt it too..
I'm very new at this, I found this forum today, just now, and I've had HH for about 4 years now..I don't know why I never tried to find some help online.. I don't know if somebody is still reading this becouse I see the posts are a bit old..but i'll write anyway.
I have to say, you have no idea how lucky your wife is becouse it's just her palms. Beleve me she is.
I sweat severely under my armpits, my palms, my feet..
Somethimes if it's really hot behind my knees...

I don't know where to put this, is it general?? Becouse most of the time it's localised in theese three areas.

I come from a very small country where nobody knows about HH. And nobody understands. Doctors have no idea what to do. Thay say thay can't help it.
Friends say it doesn't show, and that thay don't care, but thay have no idea what it's like not to be able even to wear what you like becouse when you sweat it'll show. And thay have no idea why I don't hug.. And I dont borrow thair shirts
Nobody takes me seriously, thay say "people sweat, dont worry about it" , but when I shake thair hand thay make those faces like "omg.." ..
I don't know what to do.
Funny dough, I have a VERY active sotial life. My father is allways joking that I know more people at 18 than he does at 52 ) By now, I can tell if sweat will show on a blouse from a mile away I avoid hugging people, I wave instead of shaking hands.. stuff like that.

This summer i had my first sexual experience.

if I'm having sex (especially if the AC is off and the sun is hitting the room), I know I get very sweaty from all the exercise, so even if I had a sweaty body to start with it probably wouldnt be noticable.

Beleve me, it's noticabe..God knows I wish it wasn't
This guy is not my boyfriend, (we kinda had a fight and don't takl anymore) so i haven't talked to him about HH. All I know is I wanted do die when I was on top of him, kissing him and tought " omg please, please stop sweating.." and I open my eyes and look down and I see two puddles of sweat on his chest.. and his confused expression..So embarasing..It makes me so sick, even now..
We didn't talk about it. I guess he tought it was too hot and it won't happen again I don't know..

The thing I feel so sick (and afraid) about is.. all of you who say it's not a big deal.. i think it's couse you haven't actually experienced it,
and the ones like sam's girlfriend.. well I can't help thinking i don't blame them.. I can't help thinking that maybe I would leave myself too..
If it's disgusting for me, than how can it not be for someone that doesn't sweat??

I can't take this no more...

 

[sam123]

Hi well first off thank you to everyone who said she isnt worth it and was just being shallow, obviously i knew that, but at the time its happening it is hard to take it.

secondly sorry for not being online as i have meant to, but i think in all honesty it affected me more than i thought or would have liked it to. i think that comes more from her saying she is ok with it, but then realising she wasnt or it was just too much.

i feel like a freak for having this as i know (probably like all of u) noone with the condition, and any who do just kind of brush it off as nothing, so i got a bucket of water and poured it over my friends body, and was like ok, lets go out and see how much fun u have, needless to say he felt very awkward and was incrdibly shy compared to how he normally is, and that was without any of the mental aspects of it being you who is making ur skin wet and not some water thrown on you.

and sad18 i know just what u mean in the last paragraph, i know its soo shallow to not like someone for something like HH, but i just hate it soo much and feel such a freak for it, that i just cant see anyone accepting it, and i dont know is it one of those annoying things where u have to learn to accept it before others can, as if so im screwed, as i just cant.

im almost at the point where im thinking well just look for some girl with HH, haha, but then i think i have never even seen another person with HH never mind a girl roughly my age (as im 19 that would be like pretty much almost my age, lol).

i kinda feel like i dont know what to do, as its just horrible and like u i was just thinking my god please stop sweating, i didnt have a puddle or anything, but i sweat more from my arms, hands, face, neck and back, but other than my face and arms the rest is just like a coating of sweat where as the arms and face is more drips, lol. i dont really know what to say other than i know how it feels and i know how it feels to think they are almost ok to not want you as its just disgusting as you say.

 

[its-ok]

Hi All,

I also have HH but I had the surgery to remove my hand's sweat glands a few years ago. I still sweat a lot in my feet but the surgery literally changed my life for better. It's not perfect but now it's much more bearable, as the hands are the most problematic when it comes to HH.

So to all you who suffer from it, I strongly recommend this procedure. But I was in your situation not long ago and I know who desperate you can get. But it's very important not to freak out. In many ways, HH was good for me as I learned how to remain calm (that's the only way to sweat less) and not stress. That's a good thing. But still, I know how annoying it is.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that if you are looking for real love, that is, not just a sex partner, your HH will not be such a big deal. Of course, if you're in bed with someone u just met a few hrs ago he/she will freak out to see your HH. But a real and serious partner will not care.

Try not to be sad or depressed because of HH as there's way to control it. The surgery i mentioned is one but there are other ways. Live normally, be happy and find ways to solve the problem. It is an unbelievable mistake to bury your life and happiness just because of HH. There worst things and HH it's really really annoying, but it's possible to deal with it.