human contact so very much longed for

[ironicbutterfly]

Hi. My name is Stanley (ironicbutterfly). I live in the remote and isolated mountains of far northern California. But I travel all over the United States and sometimes into Mexico also. My main interests are contemporary and classic literature, Expedition Backpacking into wilderness areas and conversation. Despite my Social fears I've somehow managed to acquire excellent social skills and just love to interact with people of all types and engage in spirited conversation. Number one among all my attributes is a true love and caring for other human beings. I have a Heart.

 

[sabbath92002]

Hi Stanley, welcome to SPW!

 

[Argamemnon]

Welcome, you seem like a very nice person.

 

[ironicbutterfly]

thank you Sabbath and Argamennon. I was feeling really rough last night. Yes this malady, which is diagnosed as Social Phobia has been dificult to overcome. But I do my best. And last night, when I was really tore-up, I found my way here, to this community. Stanley

 

[Dave_McFadden]

Despite my Social fears I've somehow managed to acquire excellent social skills and just love to interact with people of all types and engage in spirited conversation.

So, what exactly is your phobia? You seem to have done a good enough job in overcoming it...

 

[ironicbutterfly]

never had a chance

Well Dave, let me tell you. I was about 8 when it became apparent to me(and to my peers) that there was something wrong with me. I was a weirdo and the object of derision and ridicule. It got worse and worse until by the time I graduated from High School (barely) , other kids made fun of me and I was actually afraid of encountering anyone who knew me. So I stayed in my room most of the time just reading and reading and losing myself in imaginary worlds. I remember that I looked forward to going to sleep at night because then, for a few hours at least, I could escape the hell that was my life. All the time I was thinking of suicide. Then it got worse. Much, much worse. I discovered that drinking alcohol could eliminate my fear so that I was at least able to socialize and at least talk to other people. By the time I was 21 I was living on skid row in Los Angeles. I didn't hang out with other bums but did my drinking and subsequent DT's down by the railroad tracks down by the L.A. river. That was the beginning (highly condensed). Yes I never had a chance. My life was over before it even had a chance to begin...To what depths of suffering is it possible for a human being to descend? I've been there.