How to deal with betrayal?

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dixiegirl

Well-known member
Does anyone have difficulty becoming angry/expressing anger/defending themselves/standing up for themselves when they have been betrayed?

I realize that I have been betrayed so many times, but I always feel like it is my fault and I never place blame on the other person. In fact, I often blame myself for everything that goes wrong. I can so easily forgive the other person but never myself, even when it's not my fault to begin with. Does anyone else blame themselves for everything?
 
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yesnomaybe

Active member
dixiegirl said:
Does anyone have difficulty becoming angry/expressing anger/defending themselves/standing up for themselves when they have been betrayed?

I realize that I have been betrayed so many times, but I always feel like it is my fault and I never place blame on the other person. In fact, I often blame myself for everything that goes wrong. I can so easily forgive the other person but never myself, even when it's not my fault to begin with. Does anyone else blame themselves for everything?
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Being slow to anger is a wonderful trait; don't change that. The world needs more people like you.

Easily forgiving others is another trait that is rare these days. Please don't change that about yourself either.

You should feel confident enough in yourself to intelligently defend your point of view if it ever becomes necessary, but a truly confident person rarely finds it necessary to do so.

Don't beat yourself up so much. You're a good person. That's obvious. If others can't see that in you and appreciate it, then whatever time spent on them is time ill spent. Let them move on with their life and you with yours.

And yes, I too used to blame myself for everything. Like yourself, I only thought about the other person and never about myself, to the point of blind absurdity. Looking back, I wonder if that was part of my depression/obsessive disorder (extreme feelings of guilt), or whether my mother just raised me right. I'm not so hard on myself anymore though, and am a happier/healthier person for it.
 
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dixiegirl

Well-known member
yesnomaybe said:
Being slow to anger is a wonderful trait; don't change that. The world needs more people like you.

Easily forgiving others is another trait that is rare these days. Please don't change that about yourself either.

You should feel confident enough in yourself to intelligently defend your point of view if it ever becomes necessary, but a truly confident person rarely finds it necessary to do so.

Don't beat yourself up so much. You're a good person. That's obvious. If others can't see that in you and appreciate it, then whatever time spent on them is time ill spent. Let them move on with their life and you with yours.

And yes, I too used to blame myself for everything. Like yourself, I only thought about the other person and never about myself, to the point of blind absurdity. Looking back, I wonder if that was part of my depression/obsessive disorder (extreme feelings of guilt), or whether my mother just raised me right. I'm not so hard on myself anymore though, and am a happier/healthier person for it.
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Thank you. I think you've made my day!

I just don't know how to deal with the obsessive side of this trait; i.e. I can obsess/ruminate for hours trying to figure out how I am truly at fault for something or how I should have known better/been smarter. It makes me feel awful about myself.
 
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bladeds

Active member
I have the same problem, When i get betrayed and upset i always tell myself it was my fault and that i deserve it. I also seem to obsess over mistakes and think about what if especially when at work, as i work on a till in a sup.er market my mind has a lot of time to wounder.
 
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