How long?

[den1]

Most of you prob dn't know me on here as I only come on when I'm feeling really bad.
I suffer from social anxiety which seems to be very up and down, some days I'm fine and other days I cant handle seeing or speaking to any1 succesfully and this results in a low self esteem an depression.
I feel like I've sused it all out and I can feel shit hot for about 4 weeks but it keeps coming back. Is any1 else like this?
Anyway I went for an assesment with a counciler the other day and I've been referd for cognative theropy which should change my paterns of thinking, and I have been put on a fitnness program at my local gym which should make me feel better about myself.
In the counciling sesion I was asked how long I have felt the way I do, and it dawnd on me that have actually ALWAYS felt this way.
I can remember at primrary school I always thought maybe I had something wrong with me that I was never told about. Because despite my shyness of which I have been told I've had since being a toddler, I was always and still am qeit popular and I could and still can't understand why every1 is always so nice to me?
My mum told me that when I started school at the age of 5 even then I would play on my own and wouldn't let other kids play with me and this is what made them want to play with me even more.
I know alot of people on here have been treated like shit by people and a feel for you, but this shit goes round in circles because it stops me even more from expresing myself because people seem queit happy with the guy who sits in the corner, doesn't say much and laghs at all there jokes no matter how shit they are.
It feels like I have no soul and issolated and that I am different and it is crazy how it is other people who make me feel like that.

Allow the essay just needed to get some shit off my chest and I'de like to hear wether other people have always been like this from a young age.


Thanks for reading


Safe

 

[glen108]

I can recall having problems in grade 2 and it got progessively worse through my shcool life. I'm now 35 and still a sufferer. How pathetic is that?.

 

[den1]

I can recall having problems in grade 2 and it got progessively worse through my shcool life. I'm now 35 and still a sufferer. How pathetic is that?.

Mate if you think of your condition as pathetic, then you are going to feel pathetic!
You should never say that!
I'm 24 years old and sometimes it feels like it is totally out of my controll but I grin and bear it, there is NOTHING pathetic about it whatsoever.

I don't know if you've heard of this book, but my doctor recomended it for me and it's brilliant.
It's called "overcoming social anxiety and shyness" by Gillian Butler.
Seriously try and get hold of it mate and give it a try, it makes you realise why you act like you do and how to do something about it.

 

[glen108]

I guess I don't really think of myself as pathetic atleast not in the way I used too when I was younger and suffered from depression. But if I look at my life objectively I feel rather dissapointed with myself for not having dealt with my phobia over all this time. I feel I have it in me to fix it but for whatever reason I haven't.

 

[Kinetik]

I always had fairly mild social phobia growing up, but over the last few years it's gotten progressively worse. This is a real downer to me because I always had the idea that I was going to grow out of it, like people often say you will when you're young and kind of awkward. But it's depressing to me that I can't deal with situations now at 23 that I could when I was 18, it makes me wonder how bad it's going to get and when (if ever) there'll be a turnaround.