How do you make friends?

[Greenade]

I'm scared i'm gonna become a lonely old man living on his own with only his past regrets for company....

Am i normal....or abnormal....or am i just different???

I don't know why i'm even trying to put this post together, i think either i'm incapable of stringing my thoughts together into a coherent sentence, or i'm just idle.... but i'm not idle aarrgghh

I guess i'm stuck and tired of fighting this stupid anxiety ridden phobic phobia thing...

The only positive step i've taken recently is going to a new support group.... i was advised to start going to evening classes or something.... easier said than done though hey !!!

I've looked at the courses online and my anxiety has gone through the roof.... and this is just online, just the thought of going into a college shakes me to the core.. :?

But if i can't do the college thing and everything else scares me stupid, then how on earth do i ever make friends...? How do i ever meet people that are friendly if i never go anywhere to meet people....? I am a hamster called Niblet riding my wheel, getting nowhere because the damn wheel is a circle shaped piece of crap that just keeps going around in circles...

I am venting or rambling or something... i am going to implode soon... because exploding is too public and i don't want anyone to see

I am so avoidant... i avoid everything that has even a hint of anxiety, and because i have been like this all my life, it has totally crushed any motivation or possible path i might have taken... so much so that nothing seems to excite me anymore... i can't see forward anymore... nothing floats my boat... and if it did it would probably float off and i wouldn't stop it because i might draw attention to myself..

I don't know what my point of this post is anymore....

I am the classic "i Dunno" person, when asked "what do you want to do when you grow up" only i have grown up....and i still don't bloody know...

If you don't do jobs or education or group hobbies or anything then how are you supposed to get social contact and make friends....? Its crazy... I'm crazy... ppffft :roll:

Thanks for listening... well reading.. and if ya got this far then you deserve a lottery win

Ade

 

[blubs]

you can count me as a friend Ade..
even if I just bore you talking about rubbish...like sonic ...

I find making friends really difficult...and especially difficult in a group situation like college, because I get so self concious that I spend all my time trying to control my anxiety, rather than being myself.
Credit to you for going to a support group
Is that 'specially for people with SA?
Is there anyone at your support group you think you might be able to get on with...and maybe meet up and do something?
Or anyone you've met online that lives near you?
I find it much easier to be around just one or two people.

Having said that about college...I did do a night course once, and everyone was really nice...and quiet

 

[daria]

How do you make friends?

I don't.



Daria Morgendorffer

 

[black_mamba]

But if i can't do the college thing and everything else scares me stupid, then how on earth do i ever make friends...? How do i ever meet people that are friendly if i never go anywhere to meet people....? I am a hamster called Niblet riding my wheel, getting nowhere because the damn wheel is a circle shaped piece of crap that just keeps going around in circles...

Making friends is difficult, no doubt about it.

This new support group, have you been yet? And if so have you spoken to anyone there? People are essentially harmless and have their own faults too; you may be very quiet but they could be very arrogant, or incredibly inane...but everyone wants to make friends.

I don't know what to suggest other than to just talk to people randomly. Forget about yourself when talking and concentrate on them - ask them questions about themselves, lots! And don't get too obssessed about deliberately making friends. If you're constantly wondering if this person you are speaking to could be potential mate-material you're never going to relax. I know from experience...

Sadly, I'm crap at this whole friendship dance too. Met a very funny guy at work who always had me in hysterics with his wild sense of humour (he's a musician which explains it)...but he left for another job and I desperately wanted to keep in contact but was far too terrified to ask for a number. I was so self conscious about it, that it may seem 'weird' (!) Plus he seemed too outgoing for me in that I wouldn't be loud enough to be a good friend. A new girl started this week and I want to tlak to her, but as always, I feel nervous because she seems too nice and normal and confident.

Sucks huh?

I'd say...

Talk.

Try to ignore your sense of self consciousness. Forget yourself.

If you fuck up, stutter, lie out of panic, fall silent, doesn't matter, we all do it.

Try try try try and try again if it still makes you wary of being around people, then come back here again.

[I'm gonna use the same advice for myself when trying to talk to new ppl at my work]. Good luck.

 

[JWH]

Ok, this has been on my mind too lately. I've never really had friends in my teenage or adult life, mostly because I was fat and used it as an excuse to turn down any invites out. At uni everyonne pretty much kept to themeselves, so no friends there either.

I've been working now since May, and still haven't got any people there I could call up and say "let's go see a movie", and I can't really see that happening at the place I work so, I need another way I can meet people. I was thinking of taking up a cheap night class at a nearby community art college... but I'm not sure what else I could do that doesn't involve dancing!

I believe I can say I've been at the point where you are now. Firstly friends are the last thing you should be thinking of. You need to get your anxiety under control and do small positive things every day. You will have to experience the stress of applying to college if that is what you choose to do, but it will even out in the end - just persist. Even if you don't go to college first, try to get a job/work experience of somesort.

I have been very lucky I admit in practically being thrown into a job where the boss said there was no interview - "just so long as we get along", but I couldn't have been in that position if my lecturer didn't recommend me. As sad and as frightening as it may be, you have to experience a few things you fear before you get somewhere.

Tell me, what were your interests before you lost them?

 

[keyfood]

hi Greenade,
i've been trying this method, but its still kindda hard for me cause i just don't care anymore (but it's still killing me inside)... anyways umm what, i lost my train of thught, damn what the hell was i gonna write? ummmmmmmmmm......
oh, yes, i'v heard this quote before about "making more friends in a month by being interested in them, than in ten years by trying to get them interested in you!" yeah i don't know who said that , but i've been using that method when i'm with friends i've known for awhile, its kind of like a game for me, like lets see what i can find out about them that i never knew before. yeah i don't know, maybe it will work for you. sorry if its not well written=D

 

[keyfood]

i forgot to mention another quote, it is:
"stop looking for someone to save you, save yourself"--<---i try to keep this in mind when i go about with life.
"no one is coming to change anything...do it yourself."
"because no on is coming to save me... no one is going to change things... the answers will not drop from the sky... i will not one day wake up with a different disguise... today, i brake away."
yeah so maybe these could be a little motivation and stuff.

 

[Dovir]

I have one friend, that I have known all my life, but he had to move to another state because of some problems with his parents or something. I really am not good at making new friends either, it stinks.

 

[legin]

8)

 

[shy_uk]

Hi Ade.

Im new on here tonight, just read your post and the first sentence is exactly how I see myself in life.

Regards, Shy_uk

 

[Skyla]

since leaving secondary skool, ive had difficulty making solid friends. when i was at skool, i had no trouble making friends. By the time i started college i just felt pathetic, i just couldnt understand what was so special or interesting about me that wud make people wanna befriend me. so i cuddnt be myself, therefore i cuddnt make solid friends. i always felt like i was just existing. i was just there, listening and laughing but not taking part.
after two years of college, i remember one friend saying "i feel like i dont really know you skyla" it was said in light terms, but it really hit me. if i could just relax and i have confidence in myself. in my life ive been in dance groups doing shows, ive done drama shows, i grew up in an area with lots of people my age, ive been through auditons and passed and yet, here i am, still not confident and still unable to use situtions like dance groups etc to make friends.

 

[maggie]

hey Greenade...i can relate to lots of what you said...you said it well....i have grown up, and yet...have not in so many ways....i avoid, if at all possible, anything that causes me anxiety.....i do work full time in a low-paying job....that will get me nowhere....but turn down any requests to become management in my coffee shop cause that would require taking courses 8O ...and authority over others...doesn't work for me :roll: ......i am an intelligent person, would love to attend college, but like you, I'm looking at taking online courses to further my education....cause the thought of sitting in a class and the interaction...totally freaks me out...and socially, if anyone asks me out at work..i always have excuse why not to go...so, making friends is extremely difficult for me also.....thank God i have two friends from before my anxiety..got to this point....good luck to you in your support group....that takes lots of courage ......i have been forcing myself to do something every day that i would rather not do....make a phone call, stop at a store :x .....initiate conversation at work...go outside, work inthe yard...anything,... just to feel as though i have accomplised something to make me feel more positive....and it usually helps me get through the day....and gives me a small something to think about when i'm lying in bed, instead of kicking myself in the ass for all the stuff i didn't do... :wink:

 

[Greenade]

Hi All

Thanks for the replies on this.....its nice to talk to you all

I'm not doing the college thing, i'm not even doing any online courses either....maybe its just me but i figure that if i'm stuck in the house doing online courses then i am still not "out there" meeting people, and i maybe furthering my education but i am still not doing the thing i want most of all.....(being part of something and someone) :?

Hmmmmm

plop

Byeee
Ade

 

[Waybuloo]

since leaving secondary skool, ive had difficulty making solid friends. when i was at skool, i had no trouble making friends. By the time i started college i just felt pathetic, i just couldnt understand what was so special or interesting about me that wud make people wanna befriend me. so i cuddnt be myself, therefore i cuddnt make solid friends. i always felt like i was just existing. i was just there, listening and laughing but not taking part.
after two years of college, i remember one friend saying "i feel like i dont really know you skyla" it was said in light terms, but it really hit me. if i could just relax and i have confidence in myself. in my life ive been in dance groups doing shows, ive done drama shows, i grew up in an area with lots of people my age, ive been through auditons and passed and yet, here i am, still not confident and still unable to use situtions like dance groups etc to make friends.

Hi Skyla, u nailed it for me..i was asked by my interviewer today what my friends would describe me, but i can't really say "what friends? The few i have prob think i am boring and just a laugh along kind of person but at the end of the day don't really know what kind of person she is." Yea i'm having an identity crisis right now: i think i should jstu accept being a shadowy figure with no real personality.

I dont really have any advice for you, sorry, but you've been thru auditions adn done stage that surely would give u a confidence boost. A lot of people, let alone SA'ers wouldnt be able to perform on stage. But i know that won't help so much when u sit down with someone and talk and let them see the real you.

 

[iloveyou]

hello...im new to this n it makes me feel a little better to

know im not the only person with this even tho it feels like no one can understand...yea i have friends but for some reason i just feel soo lonely sometimes ...im still young n i want to enjoy my teenage life like i mean i go out n live a normal teenage life but i cant seem to make alot of friends ..sometimes i stop and think i do have friends but why do i feel like im being left out? maybe im just depressed n im soo scared to talk to certain ppl i feel like the minute im speakin or the minute they put their eyes on me their judging my every move ..and sometimes i think some ppl think im concieted for not talkin to everyone but its not that its just im too scared or shy watever u wanna call it but i try....... but the fear inside me beats me its sooo depressing I PRAY TO GOD EVERY NIGHT N I CRY ALONE JUST WISHING TO BE NORMAL!!! have confidence to do anything to be myself without caring wat anyone thinks or says about me but it just seems so impossible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well it feels good to let it out!!! damn it feels so good ...=)