How do you know if you've got SA?

[JazzyB]

Hi everyone,
I'd like to start off by saying that I'm so glad I found this place! I've been reading some of the forum and wondering if I actually have a disorder, or if I'm just a social 'tard due to lack of practice.
I don't experience the panic attacks that some have mentioned, although I do anything to avoid greeting people and go beet red when people talk to me. I only have one friend, who I avoid when things aren't going so well for me. I dread talking on the phone.
My fear of socialising has become worse since I got married. My husband never wants to go out, and we only socialise with people he knows (who he admits don't like me very much).
Also, I've been unemployed for a year, and I feel like potential employers can sense that I wouldn't fit in at their workplace.
I'm not asking for a diagnosis, but just some insight into what does and does not constitute a disorder?

 

[Noca]

When your social anxiety really impedes your life and your ability to function, then it becomes a full blown disorder.

 

[JazzyB]

I see. Is SA usually a temporary thing? I've always been this way, so I'm not sure the extent to which it impedes my life.

 

[lurknomore]

The fact that it's not temporary increases the chances that it is full blown SA. I would say that if it's affecting career/employment prospects and your social life, and you're evidently not very happy about it, then you probably do have SA or a related disorder. Just how long it lasts though depends on the individual and how you deal with it. For some, it naturally gets better (or at least easier to deal with) as you get older, for others the opposite may be true. I think it's possible to overcome, but for many it's pretty much a "life" sentence.

I understand your confusion about how much it impedes your life as well, as I've pretty much always had it, and I'm not entirely sure what my life is "supposed" to be like if I didn't have it. I can look at other people and try to compare, but you can never know exactly what it's like to be another person and what kinds of problems they might have lurking under the surface that aren't immediately apparent. I think if we didn't have SA, we would just be looking at different problems. "Normal" people aren't necessarily better off overall, but it is hard for people to understand SA if they've never experienced it.

 

[Hellhound]

Well... It won't go itself, you will probably need to see a therapist. I suppose it can be cured or diminished, but you'll need treatment.

 

[JazzyB]

Life sentence? Nooooooooooo! I'll do whatever it takes to change. I saw a counsellor at the beginning of 2008, but I felt like he was a bit of a 'clock-watcher'. He gave me a workbook, and while I completed it I felt as though the only way I'd really get over this is to repeatedly face what I fear until it becomes normal.

It's really important to find the right therapist. My cousin has been seeing one for years and years, and she is still in the same position. My sister had one tell her that she was too old to persue her dream! Any recommendations for a good one in Sydney?

It would be really good if there were a social skills workshop somewhere...

 

[Fear of people]

Quite simply, like myself, I have been shy since I was a kid and found it hard to make friends and to fit in due to extreme shyness and I believe being shy is what triggers off SA in the first place. I must say SA for me is a life sentence and has ruined my life to a degree when it comes to employment opportunities and making new friends, in which I find extremely difficult.
I'm so embarrassed and ashamed to reveal that I am a sufferer of SA, due to the fear that certain members of my family will only say that I'm just being ridiculous and there is no such thing as SA and it's all in the mind anyway.
Xmas is just around the corner and I'm already dreading the thought of those social gatherings, as Xmas is suppose to be the most wonderful time of the year, well for me it isn't, I can tell you. While most people will be sitting around at the table and enjoying themselves on Xmas day, I will be hiding somewhere and making excuses not to join in, due to the fear of people starring at me or making a fool of myself in what I say and this is when you know you suffer from SA.::

 

[JazzyB]

I guess it starts off as shyness, and then the avoidance of social situations intensifies the fear of them. I thought my family would react in the way you describe, but they were surprisingly supportive. Maybe if they knew how much it effects every aspect of your life, they'd be supportive, too.
I have the assessment today, so I'll find out for sure. But I must say, I can totally relate to your feelings of dread.