How do you get rid of the view others have of you????

[Reholla]

I feel like my self esteem has been damaged by arrogant comments made by other people just to cut them down.

People who do this, cant, because until they are perfect which will be NEVER they shouldnt think they are in a place to point out shit about other people...

it would be so much easier if i didnt care...

But whats the point of life if its meaningless you know???

Part of me is glad I care, but part of me whats to be apathetic.

How do you forget HORRIBLE, deliberate criticisms people have made about you?

 

[freestylemonster]

You gotta train yourself. Act like an idiot around strangers so they give you weird looks. But then realize that the weird looks aren't directed at YOU, they're directed at HOW YOU'RE ACTING.

 

[biotech56]

Look at the positive and not at the negative.

 

[Reholla]

You gotta train yourself. Act like an idiot around strangers so they give you weird looks. But then realize that the weird looks aren't directed at YOU, they're directed at HOW YOU'RE ACTING.

no, I mean like PERSONAL ATTACKS by people.

for instance, "you cant go off looks forever..."
inferring i have a bad personality. and just opinions my family has of me. I have plenty more examples.

I really dont care so much what strangers think. And yeah i am comfortable being stuid in front of other people. Its opinions and criticisms people have of me when they make it SO personal and hurtful

 

[Reholla]

Look at the positive and not at the negative.

HOW?

 

[lilcharlie]

What do your family think of you. The things said about your looks can be really annoying because it's so shallow. I say stick with friends you like get good at things you like, your talents, and you've got to get good at ignoring people. Easier said than done.

 

[SilentType]

Stop giving a rat's ass what these people think. The only opinion that really matters is yours. If you feel that you're a good person, then what is the problem? You can't control what anybody else thinks of you. We are all unique. There's no reason to try to be anything you don't want to be.

You said:
"I feel like my self esteem has been damaged by arrogant comments made by other people just to cut them down."

When people make comments like these, most of the time it's only so that they can feel better about themselves. Either that or they're just assholes. Either way, why do you need either of those types of people in your life. You shouldn't lose any sleep over comments like this. Like you said, people are just cutting you down because you obviously have something they don't. They are the ones who are expressing inferiority with their comments, so next time someone cuts you down, realize all of what I said is true and just forget about the jackasses.

Lol sounds a lot more simple than it is, but if you give it some time I promise this kind of thing won't bother you as much as it does now.

Hope I helped.


Peace

 

[Reholla]

yeah, yall did help, a lot, Thanks!


Well one of the bad things was said by my therapist. He just says such "blanket" (is that the word).. statements, its hard to understand where he is coming from. And when its from him, its like the end all be all cause hes a psychologist. I feel like he limits me A LOT..

And that comment of "you cant go off good looks forever" was from family. yes, he is an asshole for sure. And its almost humorous bc out of our whole family he has the most boring personality, and is more quiet than even me. but i guess he is a guy so people dont expect him to be talkative. (IM NOT SAYING THIS IS TRUE FOR ALL GUYS-- but in our family the girls are the talkers)... But my aunt has also told me what a great personality i have.

It just goes to show you PEOPLES OPINIONS DONT EVEN MATTER!!!!!! they have no credibility bc so many people think different, judge you different, etc.

But like yall said, it doesnt make it any easier to forget / only remember positive.

Something happened the other day, and I thought of this saying and wrote it down:

"Do you really feel better after being an asshole to some one? I doubt it, because you probably still HATE your life!!!!"

haha thanks for the comments..

 

[colourscolours]

i am overweight.yes i know.my BMI is 25.yes i know the informal term is fat.my aunt visited my house and as usual i was about to kiss her cheeks as a form of greeting.it was about 7 pm and i was wearing my cotton nightgown like kids wear.so before i get to touch her....she went,'nice maternity dress.are you pregnant?'.i was so taken aback.like wtf was that all about?so whenever she is around i give my greetings and scoot away or plug my ipod.at least i am hearing less and less of her slurs.

 

[SilentType]

Good example. However, when it's somebody you see a lot, it's better you just confront the problem right up front. Maybe your aunt was making that comment purely about your clothing the other day? Every family member says something inappropriate to one another at some point. However, if she says blatantly offensive things like that all of the time, then she is just one of the jackasses you'll come across in life. When they're close family, I like to face the problem and say something about it. If they continue to be an ass after you bring it up, then it really is best to just ignore them if you ask me.

There are way too many people out there who act like this. Unfortunately, people like us over-analyze every social situation. Xanax helps me a lot when it comes to over-analyzing this. Not saying having a psychological crutch to get over this is a good thing, I'm just saying it's what works for me...


Peace

 

[SilentType]

Good example. However, when it's somebody you see a lot, it's better you just confront the problem right up front. Maybe your aunt was making that comment purely about your clothing the other day? Every family member says something inappropriate to one another at some point. However, if she says blatantly offensive things like that all of the time, then she is just one of the jackasses you'll come across in life. When they're close family, I like to face the problem and say something about it. If they continue to be an ass after you bring it up, then it really is best to just ignore them if you ask me.

There are way too many people out there who act like this. Unfortunately, people like us over-analyze every social situation. Xanax helps me a lot when it comes to over-analyzing this. Not saying having a chemical crutch to get over this is a good thing, I'm just saying it's what works for me...


Peace

 

[ripewithdecay]

Well... i dunno but when someone says something rude like that to me, and then turns their back to walk away, i usually just give them the finger behind their back >=D


I then feel 110% better !!

(try it.)

 

[whispering_screams]

Just be true to yourself and be who you are, that's the most important thing. It's hard to change people's minds if they are prejudiced and already have preconceived ideas about you from your appearance or what they heard about you or from a single action you carried out which stood out to them, even though you may be capable of being so much more and so much different then that one single thing you did that you're forever being judged on...

I'll give you an example of how people perceive things regardless of what's real...
I always wear makeup but a lot of people seem to think I don't. There was this one lady I met a while ago. I was very polite and courteous to her, I had red lipstick and full make up on the first time I met her. The next time I saw her, about a month later, I'd just been to Nordstrom and got my makeup done professionally, which was actually more of a natural look then the makeup I had on the first time I saw her. I told her I was late because I was getting my makeup done and she said "oh yea I can see that. you know makeup looks really nice on you. I know you weren't wearing any last time... You should try it more often!!" lol I was thinking hmmm what?? I know she thinks of me as an honest and sweet girl so I can only assume that she thinks I'm not the type to wear loads of makeup even though it wasn't the case!
The moral of the story is that in the end, people will remember you the way they want to, not the way you really are. It can be good or bad, depending on how you look at it. I really don't care too much about it because I know inside that I'm capable of so many things and not everyone will see it or get to experience it and that's perfectly fine with me.

 

[Reholla]

totally agree... people do that all the time its so stupid. i am definitely IMperfect, but thats WHY i dont make judgements about peopl....


good exxample, I have another one...

over the last month I got in a really bad accident, totalled my car...
i had a 4th degree sprain, it was really big a bandaged..


so one of my teachers was like, "well you dont LOOK like youve been in an accident..." and i wont go into it all but she went out of her way to disrespect me in front of the class because she thought i was lying to her about being in a wreck... and i just said, 'yeah i was REAL fortunate!"

ok so the lady i work for saw my ankle, and shes like "yeah, it still looks soo swollen.."

its almost humorous because in both cases the whole point of them saying their comments was to be a major bitch.... but they are both subjective and dont have much credibility, neither opinion was actually true and there was no way of knowing because it was bandaged..
I had something else happen to me the other day and now i forget what it was...

So you are right, people will say whatever their narrow perspective is, and yeah some people say things delliberately untrue just to be an a hole...

its really dumb, i dont think they realize how stupid they look

 

[Reholla]

Well... i dunno but when someone says something rude like that to me, and then turns their back to walk away, i usually just give them the finger behind their back >=D


I then feel 110% better !!

(try it.)

be more assertive so you dont have so much animosity built up inside you to feel the need to flick some one off... it usually doesnt help the situation not to mention other people around you see how badly you were affected by some one else's stupidity.


I get some days where i just feel like honking my horn at every car / wanting to flick off some morons. instead i just hold up a peace sign. OR wave real enthusiastically at them to let them know, YEAH thats my car u are about to hit...

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

Rude comments.

I would like to bring up a diffrent angle. Maby there is a bit of truth to what those anoying people are saying or we at lease believe some of it.

Example at my job co workers will tease me with coments like "OMG youre not done yet?" even tho I kow they are just teasing me deep down there was a point when i first started working years ago where I would get in trouble for being so slow. Even tho I am now much faster i still worry and think about preformance.

To make a long story shorter. It all goes back to one of the root causes of anxiety. Good old fashion perfectism If you and I were not trying so hard to be perfect in some way any coment would just bounce off of us.

Another root cause of anxiety is also Evaluation anxiety espicaly if the person doing the evaluation is some one we know or has some kind of authority. Do a google search on those terms and you will see what i mean.

 

[limetree]

I too have a tendency to take things personally and replay/magnify criticisms in my mind, which the other person has probably forgotten about (we probably dwell on it much longer than they'd care to or else the way they spend their time is uber sad, their hate sadder than our hurt). Eventually it just made me angry that a bunch of assholes who were making fun of a disability I had could make me feel so inferior.

The moral of the story is that in the end, people will remember you the way they want to, not the way you really are. It can be good or bad, depending on how you look at it. I really don't care too much about it because I know inside that I'm capable of so many things and not everyone will see it or get to experience it and that's perfectly fine with me.

Exactly, knowledge not ignorance is power! I couldn't even be angry at them anymore since only you have the capacity to fully reject yourself. How can they when they have no clue what it's like to be you? Sometimes I could even feel sorry for their ignorance.

The hurt probably motivates you to stick even closer to your values of being more considerate and open minded about people though. Then if others continue to be unethical to you it's hardly a loss/envied virtue on their part. People are often blind to their own flaws when judging others harshly (referring to malicious intent not constructive criticism, which too can be brutally honest but it isn't as bad when you remember everyone has room for improvement).

Realistically, if I have the right not to like everyone they have the right to dislike me. It can be hard to brush things off when you feel lonely, "even if I dislike them plenty of people are on their side and I'm left to stick up for myself." Funnily this is how I came closer to loving myself. Independence, assertiveness...if we take it a positive way they could be doing us a favour.

The people I aspire to emulating most don't care about what others think of them because they have integrity and self-respect. People who we see as being commonly praised may have their self-worth entirely dependant on pleasing others. They're not looking in the right place for a stable anchor.

 

[Reholla]

I had something else happen to me the other day and now i forget what it was...

So you are right, people will say whatever their narrow perspective is, and yeah some people say things delliberately untrue just to be an a hole...

OK i remembered what happened that i forgot to mention..
my therapist i am going to says , after i have explained to him my melo dramatic life and its problems... he said, "i think you really see the good in people..." (i take this as a compliment but at the same time see him implying this is the reason for my problems)

and a week or so before that i was telling one of my teachers how our group was just not working well together. we had group presentations and for this project she did not (for whatever reason) have evaluations/assessments for our group members (EVERY teacher does, and she has for other ones) so i just email her saying we are having trouble cooperating and finding times to meet. In class one day, she brought it up to me again, when my group was finished, and she said, "you know, sometimes i see the negative in people..." (again, implying i did this to my group and thats why we dont get along)

ITS LIKE PEOPLE THINK THEY KNOW THE REASONS FOR PROBLEMS... BUT THEY DONT.
PEOPLE THINK THEY KNOW WHY THINGS HAPPEN TO PEOPLE...
BUT THEY DONT.

ACCORDING TO MY TEACHER, I AM A DEBBIE DOWNER.
ACCORDING TO MY THERAPIST I AM AN OBVLIVIOUS POSITIVE PATTY.
SO WHICH IS IT??!?!??!?!?

OH YEA, THATS RIGHT, NEITHER...

--- dont let anyone label you or tell you what you are ----

alanis morisette really confuses me as a person (after hearing her music, then hearing her interviews on her personal beliefs) ... but she is great as an artist and i heard this song the other day and reminded how true it was....

its old, or more accurately "classic"-

"Hand in my Pocket"

basically the whole song she lists things she is, and they contradict each other .. "I'm this, but I'm that..."

And the line i love that relates to this is:

"But what it all comes down to, is, no ones really got it figured out just yet"