DDR
New member
I moved to North America when I was 8 years old and I was new to the country so I became a very shy person because everyone looked "different" to me.
When I was 8, I was sent to a mental institution because my parents and elementary school teacher thought I had autism, but in fact, I was just really shy. They thought I could not speak or anything like that, but I was just too afraid to open up.
I did not talk to anyone my own age or to anyone around my age until I was 12 or 13 years old. I was still very shy and now I'm somewhat shy. It's very difficult for me to open up to others. I don't like people knowing me.
When I was 12 or 13 years old and up until now, I have acquaintances. I don't have any "friends". I mean friends that I hang outside of school. I have been invited to hang out with these acquaintances, but I often reject their offers because I'm scared to open up. It's like a self-defence mechanism. I'm afraid of getting rejected so I reject them first. I've always been like this ever since I came to North America.
Sometimes, people don't approach me at all because apparently, I look intimidating or depressed or stuck up or mad.
I only talk to people if they approach me. Otherwise, I just don't socialize at all.
Sometimes, these acquaintances of mine tell me "I'm boring" so that kind of comment does lower my self-esteem. I know I'm boring, I'm just in denial. I never do anything exciting or do anything a teenager is suppose to do. I don't drink, smoke, party or have a life or be in a relationship.
Ever since I came to North America, I've became an anti-social. Every single weekday, I would go to school and go home and watch tv or use the computer. It's been like this for the past...10 years. I don't do anything fun during the weekend because I don't have any friends to hang out with so I just use the computer and play games.
I don't like to self-invite myself to social gatherings because I'm afraid. I know people who talk about a person who self-invites themselves even though they're not wanted.
Also, I did try out for sports team in freshmen year, but I never made the teams so I just quit after that.
Every time I feel rejected or a failure, my self-esteem goes down and harder for me to approach people and live life fully.
I know my problem is all in my head. It's hard to make this problem go away. It's hard to bring up my confidence if I've been feeling the way I feel - rejected, lonely, failure, depressed, etc.
There were times that I actually had suicidal thoughts because I'm so depressed that I'm anti-social. Everywhere I look, I see friends hanging out and then I see myself as a loner. I would never commit suicide though because I don't even have the guts to do it. I hate seeing blood.
Oh, when I see people outside of school that I know, I usually go somewhere and hide. I guess I don't want to be seen. It's hard to stop doing this action also because I'm so used in doing it.
Now...I just turned 18 years old and I'm going to university next year (I'll be living at home)...a bigger social network...so I want to stop being lonely, fearful and shy, but it's so hard. I wish I had confidence to approach people without pushing them away or me thinking pessimistic thoughts that they don't like me. I want to say "hi" to people I recognize, but I can never do it.
I want to break this "shell" around me, but again, it's so hard!!!
It's so hard to change.
I have never confronted this problem with anyone. I don't like confrontation...especially... if it has to be with my family. I'm embarrassed by this shyness of mine.
When I was 8, I was sent to a mental institution because my parents and elementary school teacher thought I had autism, but in fact, I was just really shy. They thought I could not speak or anything like that, but I was just too afraid to open up.
I did not talk to anyone my own age or to anyone around my age until I was 12 or 13 years old. I was still very shy and now I'm somewhat shy. It's very difficult for me to open up to others. I don't like people knowing me.
When I was 12 or 13 years old and up until now, I have acquaintances. I don't have any "friends". I mean friends that I hang outside of school. I have been invited to hang out with these acquaintances, but I often reject their offers because I'm scared to open up. It's like a self-defence mechanism. I'm afraid of getting rejected so I reject them first. I've always been like this ever since I came to North America.
Sometimes, people don't approach me at all because apparently, I look intimidating or depressed or stuck up or mad.
I only talk to people if they approach me. Otherwise, I just don't socialize at all.
Sometimes, these acquaintances of mine tell me "I'm boring" so that kind of comment does lower my self-esteem. I know I'm boring, I'm just in denial. I never do anything exciting or do anything a teenager is suppose to do. I don't drink, smoke, party or have a life or be in a relationship.
Ever since I came to North America, I've became an anti-social. Every single weekday, I would go to school and go home and watch tv or use the computer. It's been like this for the past...10 years. I don't do anything fun during the weekend because I don't have any friends to hang out with so I just use the computer and play games.
I don't like to self-invite myself to social gatherings because I'm afraid. I know people who talk about a person who self-invites themselves even though they're not wanted.
Also, I did try out for sports team in freshmen year, but I never made the teams so I just quit after that.
Every time I feel rejected or a failure, my self-esteem goes down and harder for me to approach people and live life fully.
I know my problem is all in my head. It's hard to make this problem go away. It's hard to bring up my confidence if I've been feeling the way I feel - rejected, lonely, failure, depressed, etc.
There were times that I actually had suicidal thoughts because I'm so depressed that I'm anti-social. Everywhere I look, I see friends hanging out and then I see myself as a loner. I would never commit suicide though because I don't even have the guts to do it. I hate seeing blood.
Oh, when I see people outside of school that I know, I usually go somewhere and hide. I guess I don't want to be seen. It's hard to stop doing this action also because I'm so used in doing it.
Now...I just turned 18 years old and I'm going to university next year (I'll be living at home)...a bigger social network...so I want to stop being lonely, fearful and shy, but it's so hard. I wish I had confidence to approach people without pushing them away or me thinking pessimistic thoughts that they don't like me. I want to say "hi" to people I recognize, but I can never do it.
I want to break this "shell" around me, but again, it's so hard!!!
It's so hard to change.
I have never confronted this problem with anyone. I don't like confrontation...especially... if it has to be with my family. I'm embarrassed by this shyness of mine.