How do I handle this dilemma in my social group?

[Stressball]

A new person has been kind of invited/forced his way into my online group of friends and it has divided us into two. We're all into online gamers and share struggles with social anxiety, but we've known each other for years and I've been trying break down the defensive walls I've built over the years and try harder to open up socially.

This new guy has the habit of talking over people and shows little interest in others from my experience. If the spotlight is not on him he appears to get kind of bored, but maybe it is nerves or confidence issues. It was made clear to him that his habit of talking over people was irritating, and he's been better at not doing this at least.

He makes targeted sexual jokes towards the two females in our group, including me. I heard he was bisexual...but focuses on the women. I am left not knowing how to respond at all...they are just majorly awkward for me to say the least. He is married with two children, which makes it even more awkward, but his wife does not care apparently. He even joked he was a sociopath... honestly not sure if he was joking or not but he acts like one. He's going through some health problems at the moment and I've heard he's pretty lonely, so I do feel bad for him to a degree.

He is fairly good friends with two of the people in our group and tends to only hang around them, since he has pretty much driven off the rest. (Sexual jokes towards the other girl and dominant personality) He has forced his way into our group by buying online gifts for 3 of the group and buying the same game some of us play together, all within 2 days of meeting him. It's has come off to me as quite calculating and desperate, like he is trying to buy our friendship and attention.

I have been advised not to be too forward with how I feel about him or risk ruining our social group. It's giving me mixed feelings, I know I need to make it clear I am not happy with how he's been acting but at the same time...if I say the wrong thing I could ruin the fragile web of relationships going on in a way if that makes sense. I have burnt bridges in the past because I was *too* blunt with things and just have all around social anxiety I'm dealing with, so I feel like I'm on egg shells.

I've talked about it more with some of my friends...they're all pretending everything's OK/avoiding him altogether or trying to be diplomatic. I feel like I am essentially forced to play an online game alongside this guy I don't like at all because he is friends with the two other people I play it with. One of those friends even told me I was acting too judgemental and need to accept people more...but why should I accept a person making sexual jokes I'm not comfortable with and have a personality I simply don't mesh with? Some things can't be forced right? It's just left me confused and lacking confidence.

What is the most effective solution here?

Sorry if that was a bit long and thanks for any advice or insights.

 

[DeLasDudasInfinitas]

If I were you I would stop playing with this guy. For what you explain about him, I believe that he is the kind of people who are dangerous for us. I mean, they take advantage of the fact that we always put them before ourselves even when they treat us with little respect or no respect at all. He is making you feel bad and still you care about him and his feelings.

I feel like I am essentially forced to play an online game alongside this guy I don't like at all because he is friends with the two other people I play it with.

I think that you only want to do the best for everyone but this time you should do the best for you. You should be free to decide if you want to play with him or not, without being forced. You play to have fun not to have a bad experience. I hope that everything goes well, and, please, whatever you decide to do, don't let them convince you that you're doing something wrong or that you are a bad person.

 

[Stressball]

If I were you I would stop playing with this guy. For what you explain about him, I believe that he is the kind of people who are dangerous for us. I mean, they take advantage of the fact that we always put them before ourselves even when they treat us with little respect or no respect at all. He is making you feel bad and still you care about him and his feelings.

I think that you only want to do the best for everyone but this time you should do the best for you. You should be free to decide if you want to play with him or not, without being forced. You play to have fun not to have a bad experience. I hope that everything goes well, and, please, whatever you decide to do, don't let them convince you that you're doing something wrong or that you are a bad person.

Thank you for responding, it means alot, I feel you are right. I ended up getting one of my friends to honestly say what I felt about him, so now I don't have to talk to him anymore. It felt really awkward but I didn't want anything to do with this guy, felt like the only solution available for me. Kinda worried how it'll affect friendships long term.

 

[DeLasDudasInfinitas]

I'm happy to hear that everything went well.