how can I make long lasting friendships?

[whispering_screams]

:lol:

 

[alex29]

when i figure it out myself i'll let you know. even when i am friends with people for a long time it doesnt feel like how other people describe a close friendship. my only hope is that it's a problem with the people im meeting, and that there is someone out there to be a close friend with, i just have very specific qualities im looking for

youre not alone though...

 

[miss_amy]

I don't know for sure either but Im starting to think that to have a close friend it has to be a person you just click with and however much work you put in to it , there has to be the basic close friend chemistry there in the first place.

Ive never had a close friend til now. What surprised me is the match...its someone I would have never had considered had I been looking for a close friend and it just sort of developed itself. Now its so close that I can tell this person anything and feel completely at ease in their company.

I wonder if all these years Ive been looking for a close friend whether Ive concentrated on the wrong sort of people with what I thought was an ideal friend.

 

[Incognito]

I wonder if all these years Ive been looking for a close friend whether Ive concentrated on the wrong sort of people with what I thought was an ideal friend.

Heh, never thought about it but that's an interesting point.

 

[whispering_screams]

thanks for the replies.

 

[Hoth]

Why not get things out in the open so you don't have to worry? Anyone who dislikes you because you mention "By the way, I have social phobia" (or if you don't want to make it sound like a disease, "By the way, socializing is very stressful for me") isn't worth knowing, so the earlier you can apply the test the better. If you get your side of the story out there, then it won't be damaging when someone tries to put a bad spin on it later. They won't even try, because you won't have been treating it like a secret... its the secretiveness that makes people think they can hurt you with it. Your approach to the issue immediately labels it as juicy gossip instead of as the simple personality observation it should be.

The real problem here seems to be your shame prevents you from keeping friends. I guess I don't really understand the shame aspect because my social phobia is immediately obvious to anyone who meets me, and I'm open about it with online friends, without any particular negative consequences that I can recall.