How are you feeling?

I feel as though my chest is about to collapse from the sheer weight of sorrow on my soul.

GraybeardGhost said: ↑

I feel as though my chest is about to collapse from the sheer weight of sorrow on my soul.

Deep Breaths, my friend. You are not alone.

GraybeardGhost said: ↑

I feel as though my chest is about to collapse from the sheer weight of sorrow on my soul.

Yea I know how you feel mate. Hang in there.

GraybeardGhost said: ↑

I feel as though my chest is about to collapse from the sheer weight of sorrow on my soul.

:/

I'm here, in case you want to share some of that weight.

like a worthless, inadequate, inferior, defective, broken piece of crap.
I have others tell me how good a person i am, how my morals and standards are good.
how I've achieved stuff.

how is it others can just coast through life like they are on happy pills and at times i feel like i can hardly deal with living itself?..

PugofCrydee said: ↑

like a worthless, inadequate, inferior, defective, broken piece of crap.
I have others tell me how good a person i am, how my morals and standards are good.
how I've achieved stuff.

how is it others can just coast through life like they are on happy pills and at times i feel like i can hardly deal with living itself?..

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, friend.
Regardless of what you do and how you live... Your internal feelings are always difficult to deal with, I too often feel this way. You're not alone in feeling broken and inadequate. I have been trying to focus on the small pleasures of my day, as opposed to the overwhelming weight of depressing crap... And right now, although I have a billion things to do, my blanket feels too good. So I am enjoying it for an extra hour. Everything else can wait.

I don't know, it doesn't solve anything... But it makes me feel good. I feel like I'm saying fck you to everything that is just waiting to sink me under. At least for an hour... I'm free of that.

Maybe it can work for you too? I don't know... It probably won't. And now I'm rambling. Ok, well.. I truly do hope your day gets better.

And as for others... I don't think anyone ever lives free from the same shit that torments us. They're just better at hiding it. (Something else I tell myself.)

II am going to try and actually post everything I write today. Instead of deleting.

Thank you puma, blue and Graeme.

Ah made a lengthy posted in reply to this post, but ma buckin' web browser crashed before ah could finish it. So, here's a slightly shorter response...

PugofCrydee said: ↑

No it wouldn't be wrong. I believe if you allow negative people to be in your life their negative energy will impact on your life. You have to decide if you want to continue to live putting up with them affecting your life in a negative way. I mean, are you happy with them doing that?

Of course, am no happy with it. But, everytime ah tried to explain how ah feel, ma family constantly twist ma words and dismiss what ah've got to say. It's yin reason why ah don't speak much. The other being ma mum and older sisters tend to flee off the handle when confronted with an opinion or point of view they don't agree with - ie, my opinions.

Also, ah feel like I've had to just tolerate being treated like shite, since ma family practically begged, grovelled guilt-tripped and emotionally blackmailed me intae forgivin' 'em and keep 'em around. Because they love me, apparently, and wouldnae know what to do without me.

PugofCrydee said: ↑

If not do you have the power to change it?

Well, does gettin' orthopedic surgery next year count? If so, then ah've got the power to change ma situation. Tellin' ma mum and sisters tae bugger off outta ma life is a different matter, though. Last time, ah attempt to do so, they buckin' threw hissy-fits and legit out the house, accusing me of picking on them. Dinnae ken that criticizing a wummin's behaviour/and or attitude is considered bullyin' nowadays?

PugofCrydee said: ↑

I made changes some years ago and cut a lot of negative people from my life. I have never regretted it.

Aye, but did you feel conflicted about going through with that beforehand?

PugofCrydee said: ↑

You seem like a nice guy who - like a lot of people on this site- only wants to find some happiness and contentment.

Me, a nice guy? Maybe back when ah wus like 14, but now, not so much.
Though, yer spot oan about the happiness an contentment bit. :thumbup:

PugofCrydee said: ↑

I hope you can find the inner strength to make the right calls for you. Good luck mate.

Thank for these encouragement, Pug. :thumbup: Though, aw tha years of havin' ma decisions immediately contradicted by ma family the second ah made 'em, huv made me question ma own judgement as fair as makin' the right calls for myself.

nodejesque said: ↑

II am going to try and actually post everything I write today. Instead of deleting.

nodejesque said: ↑

Thank you puma, blue and Graeme.

:brindis: And thanks to you, in return, hen.

PugofCrydee said: ↑

like a worthless, inadequate, inferior, defective, broken piece of crap.
I have others tell me how good a person i am, how my morals and standards are good.
how I've achieved stuff.

Aye, me too. Though, part of me still wonders if people are bein' genuine when they say the same of me?
Or are they just effin' me about, cuz ah can be kinda naive at times?

PugofCrydee said: ↑

how is it others can just coast through life like they are on happy pills and at times i feel like i can hardly deal with living itself?..

Aye, feel tha same way. Though, ah think it's cuz we huv to endure the doubt, fear and misery that goes with having depression and anxiety.

Or to put it another way...

MollyBeGood said: ↑

People live too long nowadays. I think our usefulness waynes seriously at about 30. Things made more sense in the "life expectancy arena" when people only lived to 30.

Nobody likes or respects older people anymore. Not saying it's right, just pointing out the obvious. Plus, old people are stubborn, ugly and just plain irritating...did I mention they smell weird?!

We should all should die at a set date like the half-human robots in Blade Runner.

This made me sad and I completely disagree.

kilojoule said: ↑

This made me sad and I completely disagree.

I am not trying to make anyone sad.

It's ok to disagree.

This is a place to say things that we feel and when a lot of us suffer from depression we don't always feel PC about living.

I hate that I feel this way, if you care to know. I hate feeling sad all of the time. It helps to say and express dark feelings though, to know you not alone in them.

I really wish we lived in a world where people respected and cared about old people instead of shutting them away like lepers. I wish youth was not celebrated like it is the only time people are worthwhile. I really believe this is one of the huge problems with our culture today.

Sometimes I let my sadness and bitterness about the world get the best of me.

Woah, I got a job interview at Maccas! It's nice to finally get some response after a year of job hunting. I know it's not glamorous or anything, but I can't afford to be picky with jobs right now.

MollyBeGood said: ↑

I am not trying to make anyone sad.

It's ok to disagree.

This is a place to say things that we feel and when a lot of us suffer from depression we don't always feel PC about living.

Yea of course...but I don't think that putting 'I feel' in front of hurtful remarks ostracizing a whole group of people is ok.

People live too long nowadays. I think our usefulness waynes seriously at about 30. Things made more sense in the "life expectancy arena" when people only lived to 30.

Plus, old people are stubborn, ugly and just plain irritating...did I mention they smell weird?!

We should all should die at a set date like the half-human robots in Blade Runner.

Once again, ma family are talkin' about me behind ma back...

"Why does he just sit upstair in his room aw the time, an never be sociable with us...?" :question:

Well, it could huv summit to do with the fact that everytime they spoke to me, they'd follow up "Hello" with an insult or just start insultin' me the moment they entered ma room. Hardly the kinda folk ah'd enjoy hingin' oot with.

MollyBeGood said: ↑

People live too long nowadays. I think our usefulness waynes seriously at about 30. Things made more sense in the "life expectancy arena" when people only lived to 30.

We should all should die at a set date like the half-human robots in Blade Runner.

^ What an intriguing thought. I'm not sure if I totally agree with it either, but at the same time I don't entirely disagree.

I'm not sure if usefulness truly wanes at 30, but then again I'm only 22 so what do I know?

I kinda see your point though, about people living longer. If we all died at a set age, and we knew it, then perhaps each of us would enjoy life much more. Perhaps we would treat not only ourselves, but our surroundings better too.

MollyBeGood said: ↑

I really wish we lived in a world where people respected and cared about old people instead of shutting them away like lepers. I wish youth was not celebrated like it is the only time people are worthwhile. I really believe this is one of the huge problems with our culture today.

^ Agreed. Older folks are in no way respected anymore. Yes, they can be rude, but so can we, if not moreso. I, too, hate how youth is celebrated as the only worthwhile thing. Like being young is the only good thing so you MUST do everything you can within the first 30 or 40 years of your life, otherwise you'll be worthless! Because after 50, everything is just downhill from there you know. 🙄 Getting older should not be the tragedy everyone makes it out to be.

GraybeardGhost said: ↑

I feel as though my chest is about to collapse from the sheer weight of sorrow on my soul.

PugofCrydee said: ↑

like a worthless, inadequate, inferior, defective, broken piece of crap.
I have others tell me how good a person i am, how my morals and standards are good.
how I've achieved stuff.

how is it others can just coast through life like they are on happy pills and at times i feel like i can hardly deal with living itself?..

I hope you are both feeling at least a bit better now. If not, sending (((Hugs))) to both of you.

@PuguofCrydee, I believe those people that appear to be on "happy pills" are actually living like this......



Or this....

MollyBeGood said: ↑

People live too long nowadays. I think our usefulness waynes seriously at about 30. Things made more sense in the "life expectancy arena" when people only lived to 30.

Nobody likes or respects older people anymore. Not saying it's right, just pointing out the obvious. Plus, old people are stubborn, ugly and just plain irritating...did I mention they smell weird?!

We should all should die at a set date like the half-human robots in Blade Runner.

I totally agree with the fact that we do live too long now.
However I would think that around 50 years would be a good age to live to. Then if you got reproducing out of the way in your 20's, you would still be there to raise your kids until they at least reached adulthood.

MollyBeGood said: ↑

I really wish we lived in a world where people respected and cared about old people instead of shutting them away like lepers. I wish youth was not celebrated like it is the only time people are worthwhile. I really believe this is one of the huge problems with our culture today.

Oh hell Yes! :sad:

I'm doing good in school and helping classmates learn, which makes me feel good. But other then that I feel alone most of the time and I miss my ex and her son.

sever head cold and the strange euphoric feeling that comes along with it.