How acceptable is a socialphobe?

[SilentStranger]

What do non-SP people think about people with SP? With all the 'symptoms' that we have... you know... Don't have friends, don't have girlfriends/wives or boyfriends/husbands*, might not be in a good job. tends to be homebodies. What most of the population would, unfortunately tag as traits of losers.

How would others...General population and potential friends,.. view that? Would they see it as a severe weakness and hence undesirable?

How would a potential partner view that?

The reason I ask is... everybody seems to say get over your problem and socialise. Its not easily done. Not only because its difficult for you, but others might not be willing to accept you.

Even if you got over your anxiety, how would you explain the gap in your life where you were a (in their eyes atleast) a loser. It seem like a catch 22.

Some might say, well there might be people who are willing to accept you. but how small a number of people is that?


-SS

* OK maybe its more common to SP guys to be without partners when compared to SP females.

 

[Anubis]

I think it all depends on how willing you are to expose yourself to public. I have a lot of anxiety, but since I'm pretty active around universities and religious institutions I can't help but make a few acquaintances. I don't think they particularly like my anxiety (since it really limits our intimacy) but since we have so much in common hobby-wise and philosophically, they still actively seek me out as a friend.

So my answer to the question would be - No, I don't think many people like insecure people, but it's not a deal-breaker. And obviously, the reason why people tend to not congregate around insecure people is because it's hard to respect someone who doesn't respect themselves (I mean, would you?).

But as tempting as it is to lock yourself in a room after this realization, this is still not an excuse to not periodically expose yourself to public. The more people you can connect with (albeit slowly and painfully) the more potential you have to finally get a feeling of security. I've learned so much about conversation by just listening to how my friends talk to others. And if you pair this up with some soul-searching on your own, your SA can improve many-fold. As long as you show a willingness to open up periodically, your friends won't mind. My 6 year relationships are a testament to this fact.

 

[Ubersonic]

What do non-SP people think about people with SP?

From all the names I've been called: Weird-antisocial-lazy-babies.

How would a potential partner view that?

VERY unattractive from my experience.

everybody seems to say get over your problem and socialise.

They don't really understand the problem. Don't expect any helpful advice from people.

* OK maybe its more common to SP guys to be without partners when compared to SP females.

That's because male to female attraction is very different than female to male.

 

[Anubis]

IMO, Anybody who says just go out and socialize is only telling you 1/2 of the solution. The other half is intense psychoanalysis of yourself. And you have to respect yourself enough to do it. Some do CBT, some do CBT w/drugs, while others do therapy on themselves. I do the latter because I don't have time for a therapist to discover something that I can effortlessly figure out by pulling out the appropriate memories. I have a 20 page+ journal in NotePad highlighting my life from conception to now. It contains every significant bad memory I have. What I basically do is then try to link these bad memories to a trait I have now (example: My parents did so and so, and I believe this may be linked to my fear of loss of control, etc. etc.) Once you wrote everything down, it's just a matter of putting the puzzle pieces together (i.e. memories) and figuring out your major over-arching problems. And then you can just fix yourself piece by piece. It's a long journey, but you'll want to go through it because it's full of epiphanies.

 

[danstelter]

Even if you got over your anxiety, how would you explain the gap in your life where you were a (in their eyes atleast) a loser. It seem like a catch 22.

I simply tell people that I was shy and was in a transition-period in my life.

When I was actually in that period and people gave me crap about being single or not doing much socially, I was pretty embarrassed. However, I eventually realized that people who do give a person crap for being a "loser" are being rude, while many others are just total jerks in general who are trying to blame their problems on someone else and make themselves feel better.

What I finally said was "screw this, I am not taking it anymore." If people don't like the way you live your life, then that is their problem, not yours. You will find a social life and a partner if you keep working away at it. Being assertive like this is also another great way to reduce anxiety and increase self-esteem.

The bottom line is that I am comfortable with the way I have lived my life up to this point, and if anyone has a problem with it, then that is their problem, not mine.

 

[lettypagb]

im starting to think that ,we look extremely shy to normal peoples. so i dont know anyone who likes to be shy ,so who would you like to talk with : or :: ?

 

[dwade]

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