Housemate noticing my lack of social life

[ciel20]

I actually didn't think my social life was that bad, but my housemate (who I'm close friends with) has been gently suggesting that I try to catch up with friends more. Has anyone else experienced this? I feel totally lame, but I already catch up with the people I want to... I hate awkwardness and small talk and seeing people just for the sake of it. How can I seem like less of a loser? (aside from actually getting a 'normal' social life, which is an impossibility - i've been trying for so long; i've tried everything)

 

[HH]

Its entirely up to you if you want to catch up with friends. I know I should definitely do it more often but hey. I've come to the conclusion that some people are sociable and some just aren't. When you get your own place you be hassled about stuff like this ::

 

[Feathers]

Yeah, I had a roommate who wanted me to 'get out more' once too... (maybe she was afraid I'd finish my thesis before her??) She sometimes had friends in the kitchen or came back iffy smelling in the middle of the night/morning... So maybe she just felt guilty because of her lifestyle...?
Other roommates/flatmates didn't complicate about this, we did stuff together... and true, I went out more then too.. Maybe that person wants some 'alone' time in the house? Or just feels that company of others would do you good... It can be difficult if it's just 2 people and if someone might rely on someone else only, without other friends... Maybe you could just go to the park or to the library? (They won't know where you went anyway??)

It's healthy to get out a bit, but not because of your flatmate, because of YOU!! And with the kind of people YOU like, not who they might suggest!!

People have different needs for social life, yeah... Might wanna sign up to a course or join a club/org or volunteer or something like that? (So it's not just chit chat but actually doing something meaningful?)

 

[TaylorSwift'sHubby]

Precisely and i am the same way. Aside from college and work, which i have to attend, i actually have no social life. After highschool a few week back i lost all contact with most of friends (which i knew was gonna happen), it sucks because i used to hang with them in school alot but now i feel lonely but SA won't let me do much about it. I chose the life a loner because of this, I'm happy/sad most of the time, but very very lonely

 

[bigcat1967]

If you feel like seeing your friends - then go ahead and do it. Otherwise, gently turn your room mate down...

 

[Josette]

The last time I lived with other people was almost 20 years ago when I was in college, but yeah, I remember experiencing that. I went to classes and work and then came home and shut myself in and watched TV all night. I'm sure they thought I was weird.

I would just be honest with her. Tell her it's hard for you to socialize and you're comfortable with the level of socializing you do, but you appreciate her concern.

 

[Minty]

Well, how close are you? Knowing my personality, I would either do one of two things. If I felt close enough to them, I would just have a sit down and explain that I'm not a sociable person by nature. (Even without AvPD, I would spend 90% of my time alone because solitary activities really do make me feel happy and fulfilled.) Friendships build off understanding and I would try my hardest to make them understand who I am and what I'm about. Not everyone is built the same and you're not built for socializing in the same way that your housemate isn't built for doing whatever activities you busy yourself with.

If I didn't trust them enough, or felt they weren't worth the long, awkward explanation, I would just ignore it. -shrug-

But I'm kind of a rare breed. Other people don't make me feel like a loser. I do that to myself.

 

[ciel20]

Thanks for the suggestions. When she brought it up I vaguely spoke of being a 'homebody' and being fine with spending time alone, but she didn't seem convinced. I'm actually out of the house a fair bit due to work/study, so I don't think it's that she wants more alone time. I guess the truth is that while I don't mind spending time alone, I would like to socialise more, but it's difficult for me since I'm shy. I'll tell her that next time, maybe... It's somewhat dispiriting to think that my social life is going okay and then have someone close to me seem concerned about it. lol

Glad some other people feel the same way!

 

[Prestonator]

Hey!

Yeah I find this too! I experience it more with going out on nights out. I don't go out much from my SA and most think I am weird for going out. But tbh I don't really care much what they think because they wouldn't understand SA if I explained it to them. Don't get me wrong though, I always wish I could go out because deep down I feel I am a bit of an extrovert but due to my SA, I feel more like an introvert. So the person on the outside comes across as not the real me. Do you wish you could do the same things they do?

SA really is such a burden.....