magnolias
New member
Hi guys !
I'm new here, I've just discovered this forum. It's actually really comforting to know that there are people like me, that I'm not the only one that is afraid of meeting new people. Well, here's my story (a boring one) :
I was always a nice, open, big-hearted girl. I mean, that whenever I met other people, I tried my best to make them laugh, talk, share. I didn't care if they were boys or girls, nice or mean, attractive or not. I was an all-time smiley face :bigsmile: . But here's the deal : I've always been kind of chubby, and I struggled with the way I looked since middleschool, because I used to be bullied. I eventually overcame this bullying by not caring about it, as it was psychological and not physical. Nevertheless, I still kept the marks of that bullying : I didn't have any confidence in the way I looked, talked, dressed. I was never really shy, and I figured that if I made a fool out of myself before others could, than I could protect myself from eventual mockery. And that's what I did : I danced silly in the middle of school, I laughed a lot, I said stupid stuff. And it worked : nobody bullied me again, it was nice
erfect:. Last year though, I tried to lose weight, and I did, my confidence was back up, I could wear clothes I couldn't before, I was not ashamed of my body anymore. But then, one night, I was at my friends house, with 3 other friends. The friend we were staying at invited 3 guys, and they came with a bottle of alcohol. We sat in the patio, opened the bottle, and started drinking a bit. My other friends were very shy, but I wasn't, so I talked to the guys, I was very nice as usual. I wasn't looking for anything (they weren't even attractive), I was just trying to make them feel at ease, whereas my other friends weren't even trying to talk to them. And at one point, they were relating their dreams as I was supposed to find out the symbolics of their dreams. And at that moment, one of them insulted me subtly, and I understood it, whereas my friends didn't. At first I didn't say anything but then I decided to stand up for myself, and asked him if he insulted me. He said no and stuff, but I knew he did, and my other friends told me I was being paranoid and maybe I was, but I felt like he humiliated me. I never told anyone that I felt this way, but I did, and I still do. My kindness had been mistaken for desperation, and I didn't like it. So now, whenever I want to talk to someone new, I'm scared they might mistake my pure curiosity for something more. So I don't even try. Whenever we go out with my girlfriends and someone new is involved, I end up bored and silent. What should I do to stop feeling unwanted and stop being shy?
Whatever, thanks a lot for those who read the whole thing. Maybe some of you are in the same situation? It's so strange. Ok thanks a lot again, you're awesome.erfect:
I'm new here, I've just discovered this forum. It's actually really comforting to know that there are people like me, that I'm not the only one that is afraid of meeting new people. Well, here's my story (a boring one) :
I was always a nice, open, big-hearted girl. I mean, that whenever I met other people, I tried my best to make them laugh, talk, share. I didn't care if they were boys or girls, nice or mean, attractive or not. I was an all-time smiley face :bigsmile: . But here's the deal : I've always been kind of chubby, and I struggled with the way I looked since middleschool, because I used to be bullied. I eventually overcame this bullying by not caring about it, as it was psychological and not physical. Nevertheless, I still kept the marks of that bullying : I didn't have any confidence in the way I looked, talked, dressed. I was never really shy, and I figured that if I made a fool out of myself before others could, than I could protect myself from eventual mockery. And that's what I did : I danced silly in the middle of school, I laughed a lot, I said stupid stuff. And it worked : nobody bullied me again, it was nice
erfect:. Last year though, I tried to lose weight, and I did, my confidence was back up, I could wear clothes I couldn't before, I was not ashamed of my body anymore. But then, one night, I was at my friends house, with 3 other friends. The friend we were staying at invited 3 guys, and they came with a bottle of alcohol. We sat in the patio, opened the bottle, and started drinking a bit. My other friends were very shy, but I wasn't, so I talked to the guys, I was very nice as usual. I wasn't looking for anything (they weren't even attractive), I was just trying to make them feel at ease, whereas my other friends weren't even trying to talk to them. And at one point, they were relating their dreams as I was supposed to find out the symbolics of their dreams. And at that moment, one of them insulted me subtly, and I understood it, whereas my friends didn't. At first I didn't say anything but then I decided to stand up for myself, and asked him if he insulted me. He said no and stuff, but I knew he did, and my other friends told me I was being paranoid and maybe I was, but I felt like he humiliated me. I never told anyone that I felt this way, but I did, and I still do. My kindness had been mistaken for desperation, and I didn't like it. So now, whenever I want to talk to someone new, I'm scared they might mistake my pure curiosity for something more. So I don't even try. Whenever we go out with my girlfriends and someone new is involved, I end up bored and silent. What should I do to stop feeling unwanted and stop being shy? Whatever, thanks a lot for those who read the whole thing. Maybe some of you are in the same situation? It's so strange. Ok thanks a lot again, you're awesome.
erfect: