Shy Teen
Member
Um, well I'm new to this forum and joined with the hope of basically trying to learn a little more about being comfortable with myself and figuring out who I really am. The past year at school has been I would say one of the most eye opening years of my life.
At the start of the year (grade 9), my main goal was academics. The year before was kind of hard for me because I felt like I hadn't reached any of the standards I'd set for myself. Thus this past school year was focused on staying strong academically and not slacking off. Guess what? I did it, 91 average, awards, praise, all that meaningless crap. This was probably one of the saddest school years ever, not because I was in a different environment, but because I'd become more aware of my environment, and perhaps slightly more awkward and shy.
Every single year, I feel like I get more aware of things and this year I feel like a failure. I've always been, but it wasn't until the past one or two years that I began not being able to open up to people because of it. It's like whenever someone talks to me, I make it awkward. Sometimes I don't even understand what I'm saying. I guess before all this, I had this preconceived notion that when first making friends, things should be awkward.
This year however, I've become so quiet that it's starting to get so hard to even remember what the non-quiet me is like. I still have friends from elementary school and grade 7, but everyone's beginning to branch out into a larger group. Sadly though, I need to know each person individually and feel genuinely comfortable around them before I can function with them all together. I didn't have that chance. Making friends has become so hard for me. All I want is to be able to talk to people the way I talk to my close friends. With confidence and humour. The year's already over though and I've made no improvements. Now that they all think of me as this shy awkward girl, I feel like I'm stuck as this persona forever. I feel like if I began opening up, it would be weird seeing that I never did before.
Something else that I'm hesitant to write about, I feel may also be a part of why I feel like a failure this year. Boys. I hate this because it's so shallow, but they've been consuming my entire year. I did like a guy and he is nice to me, but nothing ever happened. Because I cared so much about how I presented myself around him, I became even quieter and just really stupid. I can't open up around him or talk around him even if I didn't like him anymore. He however is in this new larger circle of friends and I feel like crying because the way I acted around him has probably made me act like that towards other people in that group.
After summer, I'm going to highschool, our school's kind of weird where we don't graduate middle school until grade nine, and I have a new goal. Basically, that's why this summer, I am going to try my hardest to learn more about my shyness and try to open up more so that next year I can show people who I truly am.
That's all for my very long introduction. It's okay if you guys don't want to read it, I just needed to write it all down.
At the start of the year (grade 9), my main goal was academics. The year before was kind of hard for me because I felt like I hadn't reached any of the standards I'd set for myself. Thus this past school year was focused on staying strong academically and not slacking off. Guess what? I did it, 91 average, awards, praise, all that meaningless crap. This was probably one of the saddest school years ever, not because I was in a different environment, but because I'd become more aware of my environment, and perhaps slightly more awkward and shy.
Every single year, I feel like I get more aware of things and this year I feel like a failure. I've always been, but it wasn't until the past one or two years that I began not being able to open up to people because of it. It's like whenever someone talks to me, I make it awkward. Sometimes I don't even understand what I'm saying. I guess before all this, I had this preconceived notion that when first making friends, things should be awkward.
This year however, I've become so quiet that it's starting to get so hard to even remember what the non-quiet me is like. I still have friends from elementary school and grade 7, but everyone's beginning to branch out into a larger group. Sadly though, I need to know each person individually and feel genuinely comfortable around them before I can function with them all together. I didn't have that chance. Making friends has become so hard for me. All I want is to be able to talk to people the way I talk to my close friends. With confidence and humour. The year's already over though and I've made no improvements. Now that they all think of me as this shy awkward girl, I feel like I'm stuck as this persona forever. I feel like if I began opening up, it would be weird seeing that I never did before.
Something else that I'm hesitant to write about, I feel may also be a part of why I feel like a failure this year. Boys. I hate this because it's so shallow, but they've been consuming my entire year. I did like a guy and he is nice to me, but nothing ever happened. Because I cared so much about how I presented myself around him, I became even quieter and just really stupid. I can't open up around him or talk around him even if I didn't like him anymore. He however is in this new larger circle of friends and I feel like crying because the way I acted around him has probably made me act like that towards other people in that group.
After summer, I'm going to highschool, our school's kind of weird where we don't graduate middle school until grade nine, and I have a new goal. Basically, that's why this summer, I am going to try my hardest to learn more about my shyness and try to open up more so that next year I can show people who I truly am.
That's all for my very long introduction. It's okay if you guys don't want to read it, I just needed to write it all down.
