whos_the_enemy
New member
I am 19 from England. I have suffered from avoident personality disorder for as long as I can remember and have had some very bad times because of it but I think I have been abit lucky as well. I don't tell many people about my AvPD because people treat me as being 'different' which can just make things worse.
When I was in Primary School I struggled to make friends and any friends I did make I would lose quite quickly which meant I spent most of my time alone. Half way through primary school a new pupil joined and like me they had no one to talk to and so we started talking. She was very patient with me and didn't judge me and we have been best friends since then.
High school was horrible, I was bullied a lot and any attempt to 'fit-in' usually resulted in things becoming a lot worse. There were a few people who I talked to a bit but usually about very specific things I was confident I knew a lot about. Quite surprisingly on my first day at high school a very nice girl actually asked me out although that ended in disaster when I become to worried about being rejected by her that I was scared to talk to her.
College was a slight improvement although it was hard at first going to college knowing no one but I soon made a friend. We got on well but I was unable to get on with her other friends because I was worried that if they didn't like me I would lose my only friend. Most other people thought I was strange. Towards the end of college I started to get on with a few more people about the time I was invited to nights out drinking etc.
At University I managed to get to now 4 people on the first day probably because for once they were as nervous as me about making friends. I was able to socialise a bit more being in Halls and most made an effort to talk to me but stay in the group with the other 4 people as much as possible. I moved into a house with those 4 people and although we get on ok they now find me abit strange and they like to laugh at me behind my back. They also like to annoy me because I don't defend myself because I'm worried I would lose my friends if I said the wrong thing.
I spend a lot of my time worry what people think of me and it makes me very stressed. I sometimes wake up in the mornings and decide that I will make an effort to talk to people but it rarely happens either because I become very self conscious or because the people I do know find it strange that I suddenly start talking to them when usually I don't. My relationships with women has not been good although recently a very nice girl did start talking to me but I instantly panicked and moved away. I tend to try and plan out every situation in my head before it happens but things just don't happen the way they are planned and I also find my worrying about paying for shopping if I'm on my own because I would have to talk to the shop attendant, that's a very stupid thing to worry about.
My AvPD has defiantly stopped me from being the person I want to be. I'm trying to take steps to help me cope abit better. I have started to talking to people more often on sites like Facebook and forums so that I can have conversation without too much pressure and when I do talk to people I try and make eye contact with them which I something I never used to do and apparently it's very annoying to other people.
And that's my life up until writing this, comments very much welcome.
When I was in Primary School I struggled to make friends and any friends I did make I would lose quite quickly which meant I spent most of my time alone. Half way through primary school a new pupil joined and like me they had no one to talk to and so we started talking. She was very patient with me and didn't judge me and we have been best friends since then.
High school was horrible, I was bullied a lot and any attempt to 'fit-in' usually resulted in things becoming a lot worse. There were a few people who I talked to a bit but usually about very specific things I was confident I knew a lot about. Quite surprisingly on my first day at high school a very nice girl actually asked me out although that ended in disaster when I become to worried about being rejected by her that I was scared to talk to her.
College was a slight improvement although it was hard at first going to college knowing no one but I soon made a friend. We got on well but I was unable to get on with her other friends because I was worried that if they didn't like me I would lose my only friend. Most other people thought I was strange. Towards the end of college I started to get on with a few more people about the time I was invited to nights out drinking etc.
At University I managed to get to now 4 people on the first day probably because for once they were as nervous as me about making friends. I was able to socialise a bit more being in Halls and most made an effort to talk to me but stay in the group with the other 4 people as much as possible. I moved into a house with those 4 people and although we get on ok they now find me abit strange and they like to laugh at me behind my back. They also like to annoy me because I don't defend myself because I'm worried I would lose my friends if I said the wrong thing.
I spend a lot of my time worry what people think of me and it makes me very stressed. I sometimes wake up in the mornings and decide that I will make an effort to talk to people but it rarely happens either because I become very self conscious or because the people I do know find it strange that I suddenly start talking to them when usually I don't. My relationships with women has not been good although recently a very nice girl did start talking to me but I instantly panicked and moved away. I tend to try and plan out every situation in my head before it happens but things just don't happen the way they are planned and I also find my worrying about paying for shopping if I'm on my own because I would have to talk to the shop attendant, that's a very stupid thing to worry about.
My AvPD has defiantly stopped me from being the person I want to be. I'm trying to take steps to help me cope abit better. I have started to talking to people more often on sites like Facebook and forums so that I can have conversation without too much pressure and when I do talk to people I try and make eye contact with them which I something I never used to do and apparently it's very annoying to other people.
And that's my life up until writing this, comments very much welcome.