witchblade
Member
Hello eveyone.
This is hard but I need to do this. I am a 37 yro single female who lives at home with my parents and sister (35). I live in a small town that is located in Orange County NY (Hudson Valley). I was born on Long Island and moved up to the country when I was 20. I did not want to leave but I did. I never even considered trying to survive by myself. I never exceled in school infact I hated school for several reasons. To be brutally honest, I do not have any deep friendships and do not go out socially very often.
I found this site because I have finally decided that I am running out of time and deserve to have a better more fullfilling life. If I do not do this I will have another major depressive episode. The last one was in 2003 and all I did was focus on death and fear...it was the most awful doomy feeling. Heres a kicker, I work as Mental Health Technician & addictions assistant and I think that played apart in me actually avoiding treatment. I was scared everyone in the area would find out...thus making it difficult for me to get jobs. As of now I am only working as a per diem. I left a job recently working in a high school library. I left for several reasons having to do with a snarky obnoxious sarcastic Librarian. I am very sensitive and believe people have alterior motives. I never feel safe or comfortable. I took a risk of leaving a full-time job in the hosptial and it blew up in my face. I
I have been diagnois with major depression and gen anxiety. No body have ever mentioned social phobias but I was and still am very shy and do not feel comfortable among strangers or large groups. The only time I ever approached a man I was attracted to was when I was tipsy and all he thought I wanted was sex...so I never have done it again. There are other personality disorders that I may have,,,such as Avoidant and Dependent Personality. Years ago I was told I had Adjustment disorder. I have been to couseling and taken meds...They help with the major depression and a little bit with anxiety. But I just recently stopped it all. I need to find better help,,,better therapy. Just to top this all off I also have a MAJOR Hoarding problem. I am chronically disorganized and do not have a good memory. I am willing to communicate with anybody who can understand what I am going through. I am willing to participate in clinical trials etc. The hoarding is making it much more difficult for me to address all of my problems. Its a huge physical and mental obstacle.
Let me say something positive about my self ( i am very self-critical).
I have a B.A. in Psychology
I servred in the Army Reserve
I am finally starting to take care of myself by working out almost everyday (overweight) and improving my nutrition.
I am a good person who needs help.
I am ready to change.
Goal is to be at peace, have good relationships, and to not let fear control me any more. I want to eventually be independent and take RISKS.
Thank you
This is hard but I need to do this. I am a 37 yro single female who lives at home with my parents and sister (35). I live in a small town that is located in Orange County NY (Hudson Valley). I was born on Long Island and moved up to the country when I was 20. I did not want to leave but I did. I never even considered trying to survive by myself. I never exceled in school infact I hated school for several reasons. To be brutally honest, I do not have any deep friendships and do not go out socially very often.
I found this site because I have finally decided that I am running out of time and deserve to have a better more fullfilling life. If I do not do this I will have another major depressive episode. The last one was in 2003 and all I did was focus on death and fear...it was the most awful doomy feeling. Heres a kicker, I work as Mental Health Technician & addictions assistant and I think that played apart in me actually avoiding treatment. I was scared everyone in the area would find out...thus making it difficult for me to get jobs. As of now I am only working as a per diem. I left a job recently working in a high school library. I left for several reasons having to do with a snarky obnoxious sarcastic Librarian. I am very sensitive and believe people have alterior motives. I never feel safe or comfortable. I took a risk of leaving a full-time job in the hosptial and it blew up in my face. I
I have been diagnois with major depression and gen anxiety. No body have ever mentioned social phobias but I was and still am very shy and do not feel comfortable among strangers or large groups. The only time I ever approached a man I was attracted to was when I was tipsy and all he thought I wanted was sex...so I never have done it again. There are other personality disorders that I may have,,,such as Avoidant and Dependent Personality. Years ago I was told I had Adjustment disorder. I have been to couseling and taken meds...They help with the major depression and a little bit with anxiety. But I just recently stopped it all. I need to find better help,,,better therapy. Just to top this all off I also have a MAJOR Hoarding problem. I am chronically disorganized and do not have a good memory. I am willing to communicate with anybody who can understand what I am going through. I am willing to participate in clinical trials etc. The hoarding is making it much more difficult for me to address all of my problems. Its a huge physical and mental obstacle.
Let me say something positive about my self ( i am very self-critical).
I have a B.A. in Psychology
I servred in the Army Reserve
I am finally starting to take care of myself by working out almost everyday (overweight) and improving my nutrition.
I am a good person who needs help.
I am ready to change.
Goal is to be at peace, have good relationships, and to not let fear control me any more. I want to eventually be independent and take RISKS.
Thank you
