Hi.. I am new, and need help...

[Kanon]

Hi.
I am in a situation where I can possibly start curing my shyness, but I admit I am very afraid to do it.

One of my co-workers (female) has been trying to get me to hang out with her and her friends (who are all female) for awhile, and each time, I will tell myself, "I am going to do this!" up until the last minute where I will lose my nerve and come up with an excuse for why I can't go.

This time, one of her friends (that I have a crush on) will be going too. I have met her in person a couple of times when she comes into my job with my co-worker, but other than exchanging messages on myspace every once in awhile, we do not communicate.

Even though I have met my co-worker's other friends before, being in one place with them (4 of them; female) is making me very nervous just thinking about it. A friend of mine told me to "be myself in that situation," but all that implies is that I sit there quietly avoiding eye contact with everyone, hoping that everyone will sort of ignore me until everyone leaves.

Has anyone else been in this scenario or has any advice?
Thank you.

 

[Cool_Un_Cool]

I can relate.
Girls always comment on my shyness.
I don't know what to tell you though, sorry.

 

[TAMPA-BAY]

going out

I know exactly what you are dealing with. At any given time people are alwayse trying to (change me) as if I have a sign on my back.LOl People are constantly trying to get me to do all sorths of thing with them and like you I usualy come up with excuse untill ive actualy started to run out of excuses.

Now I just tell them the truth. I don't hang out with them because I would just slow them down. For some reason the seem to understand that explaination. Also that seem to be a huge factor with people who have anxiety. Its not that they dont want to go. We sometimes do but we know we might just end up being a boring participant.

I am in no position to give advise but I would at least ask the person who you've been chatting with online her opinion. I mean it seems like you and her alread are closer than the rest so even if she is not single you can kind of cling to her if you go. She could act as your blanket.

What ever choice you make share it with us so we too can learn a thing or two.

 

[Kanon]

I decided that I am going to go and told them that I am going for sure.

Yeah, that is one of the biggest way to kill what is left of anyone's courage and confidence when someone suddenly points you out as shy. That is what I am afraid of. I don't want to be the boring 5th wheel that can't really contribute anything interesting, and I do not want any of them to feel obligated to talk to me either.

Lol, the only reason I am sort of close to my co-worker is because we were scheduled to work at the same time together for about 4 straight months and she asked for a lot of help since she was getting adjusted to things.

I am still feeling uncomfortable about this, but I will go and try. Hopefully it does go well, and thanks for your replies. I will let you know what happens I suppose.

 

[binn]

As I look back on my life, I can recall many situations where I was fearful before I did them. The funny thing is that a lot of times, after I actually experienced the dreaded situation, I felt really confident to do it again. I realized that doing a fearful thing is a lot easier than thinking about doing it. Here are some thoughts to think that could help you to put your situation into perspective: "We are fearful because we don't know what to expect", "Experience cures fear", "Do the thing and you will have the power", "I can do it, no matter how I feel", "I can accept whatever happens". Good Luck!

 

[Kanon]

Binn, you are right, experience does cure fear.
I am still kind of shaky even though its over, but I think I may have left a decent impression anyway.
Since I was the only guy there, I was already singled out, so I sort of took advanted of that and didn't feel the need to act "overconfident" because there were no other guys around.
Near the end, I felt a bit more comfortable and was able to join in with their conversations without sounding forced and awkward and even used some of my sarcasm to crack a few jokes here and there.
They invited me to hang out with them again, and that tells me I did something right, but I am not sure if I am ready just yet, lol.
As for the girl that I like, I think she likes someone else though..

 

[binn]

Hi Kanon...I am happy to hear that you took the plunge and did what you feared. Keep stepping to your fears and they will keep diminishing. Focus on being your true self...the beautiful, unique person that you are. We are all special. If someone don't like you or don't accept you...that's their problem, not yours. Have you ever heard of the phrase...Use it or lose it? Just think...you have courage in you...you have confidence in you...you have power in you. In every situation in your life, you can choose to use your powerful personality traits or not. By going out with the girls, you chose to use your courage. Keep at it...You are a powerful person!

 

[Kanon]

Hi Kanon...I am happy to hear that you took the plunge and did what you feared. Keep stepping to your fears and they will keep diminishing. Focus on being your true self...the beautiful, unique person that you are. We are all special. If someone don't like you or don't accept you...that's their problem, not yours. Have you ever heard of the phrase...Use it or lose it? Just think...you have courage in you...you have confidence in you...you have power in you. In every situation in your life, you can choose to use your powerful personality traits or not. By going out with the girls, you chose to use your courage. Keep at it...You are a powerful person!

Thanks binn!
All of your support is definately taken to heart.
I must admit, I was pretty nervous the whole time, and one step away from making up an excuse to leave at any moment.
Hopefully one day, all of us in this forum will be in that situation and feel at ease, knowing exactly what to say, and being able to be ourselves without having to go through our insecurities first.

 

[binn]

Glad to be of some help. I am speaking from experience. One of the really helpful books I read in the past was "Feel the fear and do it anyway". Don't try to be 100% fear-free or 100% comfortable in social situations. You can be 70%...50% comfortable and still have a good time. You can tolerate discomfort. It will not kill you!