kevinandrews
New member
Hi
I am new here and just wanted to share my story. I am not writing this so you feel bad for me. I am writing it in the hopes that someone might offer some constructive advice.
I have had SA for as long as I can remember. I have all the typical symptoms, when I am in public I feel like everyone is looking at me or judging me. In high school and college I avoided presentations like the plague. As soon as I would find out a class involved any interaction with classmates, I would drop it and move to a class that involved only written assignments. I interpret everything in the most negative way against me. If someone on the street looks at me, I interpret that negatively. If they don’t look at me, again, I interpret that negatively. Sometimes if I am ordering some thing at starbucks I even analyze the way the guy handed me the coffee and find a negative explanation for it, he handed it to me that way because he had something against me. For everything, I will find the most negative explanation against me, and take that as the truth.
Some people don’t know why they have SA. I do. I will now tell you about my background.
I was born a Jewish boy in a Muslim country. Muslims hate Jews. Unlike in America, in my country religion is closely tied with who you are, it even says on your ID what religion you are.
My parents did not enroll me in kindergarten, for some reason, they thought it’s useless. My first ever social interaction started in the first grade, and it wasn’t a good one. First grade everyone finds out I am a Jew and they make me feel like I am weird. Second grade, same. Third grade same. In every grade, I was made to feel like I was weird or different from everybody else. I will give you an example of how tough I had it. In sports, the captains would have to pick people for their teams. I was never picked. So imagine a game of soccer, 11 men vs. 11 men. One team would pick 11 men, the other team would pick 10 just to avoid me.
I moved to the USA at the age of 13. The immigration experience hurt me more. Despite being poor, my parents thought it was a good idea to rent an apt in an upscale area and send me to the school that all the rich kids went to. Once again, I was constantly made fun of because I was that kid that was different. I spoke no English and I had no friends. While everybody else had $200 watches and $400 cell phones, I had a $5 watch and no cell phone. While everyone else would drive to school, I would either walk or take the bus.
Now I am 29. Time has not healed my problems. If anything, it’s made it worse. I feel like SA is limiting me both professionally and romantically. I have never had friends, I have never touched a girl. Maybe the director of 40 Year Old Virgin should have picked me for the part, I would be perfect.
What I have done so far: I took 2 acting classes at the community college. someone told me it helps you feel more comfortable in your own skin but it did not help at all. I also saw a therapist for like 3 sessions and that did not help at all.
As you can see, I don’t sit around and whine. I am willing to take action. But all the actions I have taken so far (acting class, therapist) failed.
What should I do guys? I want to feel normal. I want to feel confident, I want to feel like I own the world and I can do anything.
I am new here and just wanted to share my story. I am not writing this so you feel bad for me. I am writing it in the hopes that someone might offer some constructive advice.
I have had SA for as long as I can remember. I have all the typical symptoms, when I am in public I feel like everyone is looking at me or judging me. In high school and college I avoided presentations like the plague. As soon as I would find out a class involved any interaction with classmates, I would drop it and move to a class that involved only written assignments. I interpret everything in the most negative way against me. If someone on the street looks at me, I interpret that negatively. If they don’t look at me, again, I interpret that negatively. Sometimes if I am ordering some thing at starbucks I even analyze the way the guy handed me the coffee and find a negative explanation for it, he handed it to me that way because he had something against me. For everything, I will find the most negative explanation against me, and take that as the truth.
Some people don’t know why they have SA. I do. I will now tell you about my background.
I was born a Jewish boy in a Muslim country. Muslims hate Jews. Unlike in America, in my country religion is closely tied with who you are, it even says on your ID what religion you are.
My parents did not enroll me in kindergarten, for some reason, they thought it’s useless. My first ever social interaction started in the first grade, and it wasn’t a good one. First grade everyone finds out I am a Jew and they make me feel like I am weird. Second grade, same. Third grade same. In every grade, I was made to feel like I was weird or different from everybody else. I will give you an example of how tough I had it. In sports, the captains would have to pick people for their teams. I was never picked. So imagine a game of soccer, 11 men vs. 11 men. One team would pick 11 men, the other team would pick 10 just to avoid me.
I moved to the USA at the age of 13. The immigration experience hurt me more. Despite being poor, my parents thought it was a good idea to rent an apt in an upscale area and send me to the school that all the rich kids went to. Once again, I was constantly made fun of because I was that kid that was different. I spoke no English and I had no friends. While everybody else had $200 watches and $400 cell phones, I had a $5 watch and no cell phone. While everyone else would drive to school, I would either walk or take the bus.
Now I am 29. Time has not healed my problems. If anything, it’s made it worse. I feel like SA is limiting me both professionally and romantically. I have never had friends, I have never touched a girl. Maybe the director of 40 Year Old Virgin should have picked me for the part, I would be perfect.
What I have done so far: I took 2 acting classes at the community college. someone told me it helps you feel more comfortable in your own skin but it did not help at all. I also saw a therapist for like 3 sessions and that did not help at all.
As you can see, I don’t sit around and whine. I am willing to take action. But all the actions I have taken so far (acting class, therapist) failed.
What should I do guys? I want to feel normal. I want to feel confident, I want to feel like I own the world and I can do anything.
i wish you luck
