Hesitant Speech

incense

incense

Member
I once read that people with avoidant personality disorder have very hesitant speech. It's due to being so focused on the other person and their reactions to what you're saying as well as over thinking what you're saying, etc.

I've discovered I speak very hesitantly to some people. I speak fine around my family, but when talking to others it comes out very choppy and incomplete and I really struggle to get words out at all. My speech just seems so hesitant!

I found this to be especially true when meeting an online friend for the first time. He spoke so quickly and clearly, but when it was my turn to speak everything was extremely slow and incomplete. I'm meeting up with him again and I'm worried I'll have a repeat performance. :(

Any advice? And can anyone relate?
 
Katasura

Katasura

Banned
I can certainly relate. With close family, I'm very comfortable and at ease, so my speech usually reflects that. When with others, however, a rush of doubts and concerns about myself and possible inadequacies arise. In person, my voice rises and I become somewhat fidgety. When instant messaging, I take a while to respond, usually because I'm trying to come up with the right things to say. After all, I want the person on the other end to like me, and I become worried about their possible reactions.

My best advice, for what its worth, would be to be honest and open. If you're feeling nervous or shy, let him know. Make a joke about it and break the ice. If you feel uncomfortable doing that, try being the listener for a while. Ask him questions and keep him in the spotlight. Pick up on things he likes and ask about or discuss them with him. Volunteer information appropriately and gradually share bits of info about yourself. I've found people generally love talking about who they are, their interests and experiences. A listener can come off as a great conversationalist without even saying much.

Well, I wish you all the best :).
 
incense

incense

Member
Thanks so much for your reply and for the advice!

I have been open and honest with him about my SA. In fact, we met on a social anxiety website. If I'm nervous he'll understand. The problem is his speech is so much smoother than my own.

I think I'll try to keep him in the spotlight. It makes me nervous whenever it's my turn to speak, and I feel like it takes me an eternity to spit out a single sentence.
 
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