Help please. Self harming girlfriend.
- Thread starter Phraxdust
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Sora
Well-known member
I really don't know what advice to give you, my ex used to do it and it crushed me, don't think she realised she was hurting me or others around her. I wasn't happy with her doing it but she didn't do it very often, apparantly she used to be worse before she met me. She could probably tell I hated it by the way I looked and acted but I think she knew why I was being like that. It's a hard one but I just tried not to say much because almost anything you say she will take in a bad way and likely resent you as she will think you are judging her. I always just tried to be open and laid back about it and let her know I don't like it and then just hug her. Then I would look at her scars (I am a freak, I actually love scars lol). I'd try to ask her why sometimes and she would just be like "donno it helps" which I can completely understand and relate to. However this is because it was mild, she never did it to the point where blood was going everywhere and it was a matter of life or death, it was just daft cuts on her arms. I've done similar things before but usually punching walls or scraping my arms off them. This was when I was younger and stupid and couldn't handle things mentally however I am a lot stronger now and I see no point in doing that even though at the time it felt good and helped. I think so long as it helps and isn't causing serious side effects then you do what you need to. I know this sounds wrong and most people will not agree but everyone does something wrong to get better. People watch porn when they feel ****, actually can make them feel worse in the long run. People drink serious amounts of alcohol...that actually makes you feel worse in most cases, and ultimately is killing your liver. Cutting yourself or hitting a wall...only short term side effects although with cutting yourself you will find you will have scars which are permanent, hitting a wall not so much. I don't suggest any of these bad things but I think it's important to try and understand why she is doing it. It's a weird topic and I don't think there is a right or wrong answer or any advice anyone can give. Some people are just damaged and they need to damage themselves a little to feel better. I don't do this anymore but I remember how many times it helped me and had I not of done it it could of being much worse. Is hers mild or very bad? I think the only time you really need to worry is if she does it to the point of passing out and tons of bloods in which case get her to a doctor straight away, she will need constant supervision in that case.
Sorry for the massive post! I just know how you feel, and it's horrible, as guys we naturally want to help, we want to fix everything and understand it but a lot of the time women do not want to talk to you about it, they will either be quiet and keep to themselves or talk to their female friends about it, and well if they don't have many of them they can feel alone and never talk to anyone about it, or cut themselves or get drunk and randomly burst out with it all at once...it's really a tough situation to be around from my experience but just try to be strong and hang in there the best you can for her and always show her that you are there for her regardless of what you think / want for her.
Damn I think this is my longest post on here lol.
Sorry for the massive post! I just know how you feel, and it's horrible, as guys we naturally want to help, we want to fix everything and understand it but a lot of the time women do not want to talk to you about it, they will either be quiet and keep to themselves or talk to their female friends about it, and well if they don't have many of them they can feel alone and never talk to anyone about it, or cut themselves or get drunk and randomly burst out with it all at once...it's really a tough situation to be around from my experience but just try to be strong and hang in there the best you can for her and always show her that you are there for her regardless of what you think / want for her.
Damn I think this is my longest post on here lol.
phantastica
Active member
i'm sorry to hear about your situation; it's very hurtful to watch loved ones hurt themselves. you can't stop her from doing it, no matter how much you want to, so in that respect, there is nothing really you can do. it's her decision. (do not feel responsible for not being able to stop her, if that is something you're struggling with.)
do you know how she feels about hurting herself? is it something she wants to stop, but can't? in my experience, those hurting themselves, do not see any alternative in the moment of hurting, but feel bad about it afterwards and do not want to do it again. so, if this is the case, you can support her to find help. this behavior is very self destructive, it only seems to help in the particular moment, but in the long run it is damaging (on the outside the scars, on the inside the missing respect for yourself/your body) and she really should try to learn how to deal with unpleasant emotions differently. but again, she is the one, who needs to want to change.
if i were you i would try to just be open how i feel about it without blaming or judging her and offer her to talk about what makes her take actions like this. if she isn't ready to talk or change, the only thing you can do is accept it, try not to be battered by it and just be there for her.
do you know how she feels about hurting herself? is it something she wants to stop, but can't? in my experience, those hurting themselves, do not see any alternative in the moment of hurting, but feel bad about it afterwards and do not want to do it again. so, if this is the case, you can support her to find help. this behavior is very self destructive, it only seems to help in the particular moment, but in the long run it is damaging (on the outside the scars, on the inside the missing respect for yourself/your body) and she really should try to learn how to deal with unpleasant emotions differently. but again, she is the one, who needs to want to change.
if i were you i would try to just be open how i feel about it without blaming or judging her and offer her to talk about what makes her take actions like this. if she isn't ready to talk or change, the only thing you can do is accept it, try not to be battered by it and just be there for her.