HELP me please!!

[michelle85]

hi I would just like to know if there is anybody here that used to be shy but isnt anymore? If there is, what helped u overcome your shyness? Also if anyone has any tips for overcoming shyness that worked for them I'd really appreciate it. Also, has anyone taking medicine for their shyness and has it had any positive effects? I'd just like to talk to people who are going through shyness like me because i dont know anybody that is, sometimes i feel like i'm the only person who is like this but this site made me realize that i'm not. If anyone wants to talk on aim send me a message and i'll send you my screename.

 

[benihana]

Hey michelle, I have a couple things that you can do...

I believe shyness comes from being very involved with what others think of ourselves, negative thoughts about ourselves, and being generally self concious about ourselves in social interactions.

One thing is to flip your focus. Instead of focusing on yourself and the things you do awkwardly in social situations, focus on those who you are interacting with. Become curious about others in your life and the things going on in their life. The more you feel an urge to find out about others the less scary it feels. We as shy people, feel a type of loneliness and with that a resentment that people do not know or understand us. Give what you want to receive. If you wish others would know you better, work on understanding those you care about in your life. You can never live their lives but you can offer to share in it.

It is very freeing to switch focus onto others because you will not feel that scrutiny from yourself, ie. thoughts of I'm not good enough for them, why is everyone else comfortable at this party, etc. And you will get interested in others providing them the best gift of all.

Another, thing I would suggest for you michelle is if you evaluate what you want and create acheivable goals to work towards. Once this starts, you have control of your own life and a greater happiness and strength in yourself. Goal-making is a typical tool of therapists and is used very effectively to help overcome anything including shyness. If you feel that you would be helped with a therapist then go on your Health Insurances website and find therapsts in your area who can help.

I work on both goal-making and constantly making an effort to get interested in other people and have made great strides in fighting shyness in my life.

Hope this info helps!!
Good luck!



"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

 

[Alexp]

I was probably the shyest person I've ever known. I spoke probably less than 10 words throughout my entire high school years. I've improved alot, but still have a long way to go.

I think benihana hit on the head pretty good. Its about how we perceive ourselves. You know how after you get done talking to someone you beat yourself up because you didnt say / do what you think you should have. When you do that you are reinforcing the fear and shyness for next time.

The reason social anxiety is there, I believe, is to protect us from ourselves..to protect us from saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing in a social situation.

My best advice would be to try as hard as you can to stop beating yourself up after every social situation. Everytime you beat yourself up, you set your mind to believe that there's an emotional threat with any social settings. Once you stop reinforcing the social guilt and pain after a social situtation, you wont feel as much anxiety every subsequent time.
Its a slow and difficult process, but it works wonders for me.

Basically the key is to ALLOW FOR SOCIAL MISTAKES. That is the key for changing shyness. Next time when you say something stupid, smile and say I'm not perfect and not dwell on it. Everytime you do that, you stop the reinforcement of anxiety. Once your minds allows for the possibility of social mistakes, it will become easier to say and do whatever you like.

Hopefully this helps a bit.

Alex

 

[haze]

well for me the problem is initating a conversation. so what i did was i changed something about myself so that people would want to talk to me. i got dreadlocks . i had to get them out because of a scalp condition but iam putting them back in soon.