gkelly455 said:
I am at the point where I am now and feel nothing but the feeling of wanting to die. I think about my youngest son and it breaks my heart I feel like he has no one besides myself, and I don't feel like I am any good for him. But I am all he has, otherwise if I know in my heart he would be taken care of I comtemplate taking my life. I am 6'3 black american male , I have been on both sides of the fence I know what it feels to feel hurt, and love , and broken trust. What has happen to this world? I am told I am every womens dream by my counselor, someone who is reponsible, someone who works hard, some who has goals.
gkelly455,
YOu are good for your son. Sons need their father very much - and being taken care of by someone else would never replace YOU in his eyes. I am so sorry about the pain and how you have suffered. Are you able to get counseling in addition to medication? Do those who prescribe your medicine understand that you are still in so much pain? Perhaps different medication and perhaps counseling? Do you have a spiritual faith of some kndn? Mine helps me with pain. Lately, as I struggle with pain (not as harsh as what you are going through but still I find it overwhelming) I log onto
http://tlc.org/sermons/ and I look through the recordings for 2004, 2005, and 2006 to listen to sermons on suffering, hopelessness, discouragement etc. Some of them help me more than others - they often let me sleep at night.
You deserve to be happy; imagine getting past this pain and being happy again -and spending time with your boy - doing guy stuff. Hang on - don't leave him.
I do wonder about the world sometimes. I think there are many men and women with problems that they conceal when they get married because they want their spouse to heal them. The old bait and switch you refer to is, I think, based on the hope of the person pretending to be something they are not is that their spouse will make them actually become that person. When actually - they need to address their own problems.
I do believe your counselor is right but I really don't know how to explain why so many people get hurt. Hang in there - you can get through this horrible pain - there is hope in your future for you and your boy. Show your son how a man handles life when it really really hurts - show him how to perservere, and overcome, and get help (counseling, faith, friends, different medications etc.) when it's needed. *hugs*