help me i'm murdering myself!!!!!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

i just came home crying from school today feeling like the piece of crap mood i'm almost always feel after and during school. i feel like i'm passed by unnoticed. and even if i was noticed i'd probably think that they probably find me a worthless loser. and i do make attempts (little attempts) to try and socialize and get over this messy disorder... but i it seems like i'll always fail because i'm too weak. it's like these people dont even want to talk to me cuz i'm a boring piece of crap!!!!!!! butt i still believe that it's the SP disorder thats covering up myself.. ME and when i cover up my myself all the time i always seem to forget myself, so it's just the disorder that i'm confused with. IT'S LIKE I'M GONNA SUFFOCATE AND DIE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[racheH]

I know how you feel and other people who come here do too, so it's not just you, but I know what it's like to think you are the only one as well.
I bet you're exactly right about your phobia covering you up, that's what happens. Remember it's not the real 'you'. It's just that a part of you that 'you' don't control has convinced itself that to hide is better for you. If you were really a worthless loser you wouldn't be wanting to be something else. I bet part of the reason you're upset is because you miss that part of you and need it to express itself. If you find out what it is that started this you'll be half way there. Getting help from someone who understands SA will speed things along.

Another thing, the belief that you're weak can come from thinking that you can't deal with things that other people can. There may be things you're phobic of that you don't recognise as part of the disorder; that's what happened to me. Tell yourself that other people only seem more at ease because they don't have to deal with the things you do. You're actually much tougher than them to deal with it everyday. If they lived a day in your shoes... use your imagination.
Hang in there and one day you'll realise it made you a better person - as much pain as it's caused me I wouldn't magicly make my SA disappear from my past, because I believe it all happened for a reason. I've made a lot of progress but I'm learning more all the time still, and I'm determined not to let it go to waste. Trust me, it's never as bad as it seems. Try to keep your head up high and smile

 

[Anonymous]

Thank you racheH for that support... it sounds very true as i know somehow myself. thanks again you're a great inspiration.

 

[Anonymous]

Another thing, the belief that you're weak can come from thinking that you can't deal with things that other people can. There may be things you're phobic of that you don't recognise as part of the disorder; that's what happened to me.

I agree completely! This has also been my experience.