Help me grow up.

[unknown3004]

Hi, I have always been very quite all my life. I also have alot of paranoid feelings and thoughts (but thats another problem for another forum). I will be 19 years old soon and my state of mind hasn't changed since I was 13.

I can remember thinking when I was 13-14 that it will be so nice when I turn 16, I will be like the old boys I looked up too, Get a girlfriend, have sex, stay out late, experiment with drugs and alcohol. So I turn 16, nothing changes, I seem to forget about wanting to be 16 and just ''chug'' along at school,17,18, with the same 2 friends from school. So now I am 18, a man, and nothing changes. Still never had a relationship nor sex, just doing the same stuff I have been doing my teenage life. Now (present time). Sometimes I see someone my age and think, he looks cool, I'd like to be like him when I grow up and then it hits me, I am the same age.

Its funny really all the people I know just seem grown-up. Adults talking about money, houses, work and all that.

I don't know maybe this is it, this is my life....don't know what kind of reply I am expecting nor why I posted this but anyway...I am just confused I guess.

Sorry for the rant, don't know if it is readable,

cheers

 

[Stras]

I definetly need to grow up I put off everything in my life and never end up achieving anything worthwhile

 

[mienaino]

::snip::Get a girlfriend, have sex, stay out late, experiment with drugs and alcohol. ::snip:: So now I am 18, a man::snip::
Its funny really all the people I know just seem grown-up. Adults talking about money, houses, work and all that.::snip::

You're 18... you're still at the age where most people haven't figured anything out about themselves. I've never met an 18 year old who had any sense of direction. I've never met an 18 year old whom I thought was mature enough to be called a "man," because to me, the essense of manhood is having self-control. It's about responsibility, obligations, and a whole plethora of things that have nothing to do with sex, drugs, alchohol, and staying out late. Those are the things that teenagers think it's all about, and while in some sense, by nature, those are adult things (except for drugs, which tends to fall-off past teenage years), they are not important (except for sex, but then not for the same reasons).
If you live to be happy, and you aren't happy, then the odds are you will never be, because nothing is good enough. Life is suffering. The more you realize that, and accept that without resorting to quick-fixes, the closer you are to emotional maturity.

As for all the other people you know, who seem like adults... that's just an act. No 18 year old has it all figured out, it just doesn't happen like that. Generally, the frontal lobe (which includes the reasoning center of the brain, among other things) doesn't finish developing until around the age of 21. Don't rush nature.

 

[BornAgain]

::snip::Get a girlfriend, have sex, stay out late, experiment with drugs and alcohol. ::snip:: So now I am 18, a man::snip::
Its funny really all the people I know just seem grown-up. Adults talking about money, houses, work and all that.::snip::

You're 18... you're still at the age where most people haven't figured anything out about themselves. I've never met an 18 year old who had any sense of direction. I've never met an 18 year old whom I thought was mature enough to be called a "man," because to me, the essense of manhood is having self-control. It's about responsibility, obligations, and a whole plethora of things that have nothing to do with sex, drugs, alchohol, and staying out late. Those are the things that teenagers think it's all about, and while in some sense, by nature, those are adult things (except for drugs, which tends to fall-off past teenage years), they are not important (except for sex, but then not for the same reasons).
If you live to be happy, and you aren't happy, then the odds are you will never be, because nothing is good enough. Life is suffering. The more you realize that, and accept that without resorting to quick-fixes, the closer you are to emotional maturity.

As for all the other people you know, who seem like adults... that's just an act. No 18 year old has it all figured out, it just doesn't happen like that. Generally, the frontal lobe (which includes the reasoning center of the brain, among other things) doesn't finish developing until around the age of 21. Don't rush nature.

Wow man, you are one big fucking asshole bigot. Now, I don't want to sound like a fucking stoner against "the establishment" (I don't even smoke weed), but you are a mindless brainwashed sheep who is only good for the taxes you pay, and the money you pay for the products you consume.

What in the world makes you think 18 year olds haven't figured themselves out? Ok, before I ask you that, I should've told you why you are a fucking discriminating asshole. Would you tell muslims, buddhists, or voodooists that you think "they haven't figured themselves out" because they haven't accepted Jesus yet? Would you ever tell a Mexican that they are immature because they haven't learned to stop eating tortillas and started using silverware? Assuming you're not a total dick, then you wouldn't do any of those. Then, please explain, why is it all of a sudden OK to generalize ALL teens and put them under a group that pretty much only includes insulting and demeaning descriptions?

Your smug attitude shows that you have something against teenagers, and that you think you are better than them for some reason. Also, you show that you are very biased and uneducated about drugs and their uses, and you also think you are, for some sort of selfish reason, more mature and better than they are. People of all ages use drugs, the only reason teens are associated with drugs is, well, if you're going to use them, you have to try sometime, and small children are so sheltered these days, they need a crossing gaurd to escort them across a 4-way intersection with 4 stop signs. One reason that adults aren't open about their drug use is because they have professional careers and jobs that they need to keep a good name in, and in this society, drugs are "bad", so if you use them, you can't be a professional, or if you are, you must lead a secret life to pursue your passion.

Drugs have been used by adults and little kids for thousands of years, it's ridiculous that either you don't know this, or you haven't kept it in mind. The standards of maturity also change often, not just after every society, but after every decade, there are major changes in morals and values.

I think it extremely sad, but oddly hilarious, that you say life is suffering. Do you think about anything? Or is thinking "outside the box" a symptom of immaturity? Have you read "Brave New World"? You sound exactly like the Director of Hatcheries, you are extrememly conditioned to think and act a certain way, and you try to brainwash others, which reduces the workload of the government to have to do this themselves. I don't have enough space to explain to you how mindless you are, for you would just generalize me as a conspiring hippie, which again, reduces the workload of the government so they don't have to deal with the threating risk of who I am.

Oh, I am immature, I think unlike all you "mature adults", I have different ideas and values, and I am a rebel without a cause. Fuck you!

"As for all the other people you know, who seem like adults... that's just an act. No 18 year old has it all figured out, it just doesn't happen like that.". Just an "act"? If you talk about money, houses, and things of that nature, how is it an act? Why isn't it an act when adults do it? God man, you are such an asshole, I hope you realize this, and try to look at what you said about teens, but replace it with Jews or something. I'm not asking you these questions because I'm naive and I don't know the answers to them (I'm anything but all that), but so you re-evaluate your answers, and so you look and see how you're one-track mind really limits the expansion of your mind and knowledge. Everything you said either came from a science magazine (the frontal lobe bullshit), or from age old cliche's.


As for you unknown, all those paranoid feelings are normal, especially in this strange society. If humans had nothing to be paranoid about (such as a totalitarian government), paranoia would be almost non-existent, except for of course paranoia about predators (lions and such, not sexual deviants) and untrustworthy people. I don't think that you're very immature, I just think that your worries are just holding you back from success. Who cares about ranting, ranting kicks ass, I love reading and writing them, and I don't judge them as such, I actually listen. Fuck this mienaino person, this bitch doesn't know shit, and I bet she didn't make you feel better at all. Someday, you may get over your fears and worries, and until then, you may not feel older. Once this happens, you will be more of what society defines as mature, as well as the general definition of maturity that has been established over millenia of human history.

 

[maggie]

::snip::Get a girlfriend, have sex, stay out late, experiment with drugs and alcohol. ::snip:: So now I am 18, a man::snip::
Its funny really all the people I know just seem grown-up. Adults talking about money, houses, work and all that.::snip::

You're 18... you're still at the age where most people haven't figured anything out about themselves. I've never met an 18 year old who had any sense of direction. I've never met an 18 year old whom I thought was mature enough to be called a "man," because to me, the essense of manhood is having self-control. It's about responsibility, obligations, and a whole plethora of things that have nothing to do with sex, drugs, alchohol, and staying out late. Those are the things that teenagers think it's all about, and while in some sense, by nature, those are adult things (except for drugs, which tends to fall-off past teenage years), they are not important (except for sex, but then not for the same reasons).
If you live to be happy, and you aren't happy, then the odds are you will never be, because nothing is good enough. Life is suffering. The more you realize that, and accept that without resorting to quick-fixes, the closer you are to emotional maturity.

As for all the other people you know, who seem like adults... that's just an act. No 18 year old has it all figured out, it just doesn't happen like that. Generally, the frontal lobe (which includes the reasoning center of the brain, among other things) doesn't finish developing until around the age of 21. Don't rush nature.

Wow man, you are one big fucking asshole bigot. Now, I don't want to sound like a fucking stoner against "the establishment" (I don't even smoke weed), but you are a mindless brainwashed sheep who is only good for the taxes you pay, and the money you pay for the products you consume.

What in the world makes you think 18 year olds haven't figured themselves out? Ok, before I ask you that, I should've told you why you are a fucking discriminating asshole. Would you tell muslims, buddhists, or voodooists that you think "they haven't figured themselves out" because they haven't accepted Jesus yet? Would you ever tell a Mexican that they are immature because they haven't learned to stop eating tortillas and started using silverware? Assuming you're not a total dick, then you wouldn't do any of those. Then, please explain, why is it all of a sudden OK to generalize ALL teens and put them under a group that pretty much only includes insulting and demeaning descriptions?

Your smug attitude shows that you have something against teenagers, and that you think you are better than them for some reason. Also, you show that you are very biased and uneducated about drugs and their uses, and you also think you are, for some sort of selfish reason, more mature and better than they are. People of all ages use drugs, the only reason teens are associated with drugs is, well, if you're going to use them, you have to try sometime, and small children are so sheltered these days, they need a crossing gaurd to escort them across a 4-way intersection with 4 stop signs. One reason that adults aren't open about their drug use is because they have professional careers and jobs that they need to keep a good name in, and in this society, drugs are "bad", so if you use them, you can't be a professional, or if you are, you must lead a secret life to pursue your passion.

Drugs have been used by adults and little kids for thousands of years, it's ridiculous that either you don't know this, or you haven't kept it in mind. The standards of maturity also change often, not just after every society, but after every decade, there are major changes in morals and values.

I think it extremely sad, but oddly hilarious, that you say life is suffering. Do you think about anything? Or is thinking "outside the box" a symptom of immaturity? Have you read "Brave New World"? You sound exactly like the Director of Hatcheries, you are extrememly conditioned to think and act a certain way, and you try to brainwash others, which reduces the workload of the government to have to do this themselves. I don't have enough space to explain to you how mindless you are, for you would just generalize me as a conspiring hippie, which again, reduces the workload of the government so they don't have to deal with the threating risk of who I am.

Oh, I am immature, I think unlike all you "mature adults", I have different ideas and values, and I am a rebel without a cause. Fuck you!

"As for all the other people you know, who seem like adults... that's just an act. No 18 year old has it all figured out, it just doesn't happen like that.". Just an "act"? If you talk about money, houses, and things of that nature, how is it an act? Why isn't it an act when adults do it? God man, you are such an asshole, I hope you realize this, and try to look at what you said about teens, but replace it with Jews or something. I'm not asking you these questions because I'm naive and I don't know the answers to them (I'm anything but all that), but so you re-evaluate your answers, and so you look and see how you're one-track mind really limits the expansion of your mind and knowledge. Everything you said either came from a science magazine (the frontal lobe bullshit), or from age old cliche's.


As for you unknown, all those paranoid feelings are normal, especially in this strange society. If humans had nothing to be paranoid about (such as a totalitarian government), paranoia would be almost non-existent, except for of course paranoia about predators (lions and such, not sexual deviants) and untrustworthy people. I don't think that you're very immature, I just think that your worries are just holding you back from success. Who cares about ranting, ranting kicks ass, I love reading and writing them, and I don't judge them as such, I actually listen. Fuck this mienaino person, this bitch doesn't know shit, and I bet she didn't make you feel better at all. Someday, you may get over your fears and worries, and until then, you may not feel older. Once this happens, you will be more of what society defines as mature, as well as the general definition of maturity that has been established over millenia of human history.

BornAgain..none of these people deserve to be disrespected or called names!! We don't need that on this site..we have enough problems :!:

 

[mienaino]

BornAgain,
You know, I don't have to explain myself to you, but for the record, I think you misread my post. If you read it more carefully, I'm sure you will see that I have good intentions and that what I said follows logic. I speak from experience, from common sense, and from some degree of formal education on the subject. Your comments have very little, if anything to do with the subject matter of my post, least of all to contradict. Rather, what you are saying is a personal attack against me. I have every right and reason to be offended...
...but to make a point, this is self-control.

Ps. I absolutely love Brave New World, it's one of my favourite books of all-time, right along with 1984.

 

[pookie]

i know exactly how u feel. I havent changed much, i'm almost 20 and it seems that i've been doing the same things for years. i imagined that when i turned 18 and go to college, things would change. Things were supposed to be crazy and fun....but there not.

 

[WhiskeyJack]

Very good post, in my opinion. I suppose i say that because it is exactly how i feel. I am 25 now and my mindset doesnt seem to have grown like other people. Im not saying im immature, far from it, i have always been the sensible type but i remember when i was 12 or 13 (playing for the local team) and looking up at the football players at under 18 level and thinking how great life was going to be at that age. Things didnt exactly work out as i hoped.
Whats worse is that when other people look at or talk to me, i get the impression they only see a young teenager still.

 

[maggie]

BornAgain,
You know, I don't have to explain myself to you, but for the record, I think you misread my post. If you read it more carefully, I'm sure you will see that I have good intentions and that what I said follows logic. I speak from experience, from common sense, and from some degree of formal education on the subject. Your comments have very little, if anything to do with the subject matter of my post, least of all to contradict. Rather, what you are saying is a personal attack against me. I have every right and reason to be offended...
...but to make a point, this is self-control.

Ps. I absolutely love Brave New World, it's one of my favourite books of all-time, right along with 1984.

i agree with mienaino :!:

 

[BornAgain]

BornAgain,
You know, I don't have to explain myself to you, but for the record, I think you misread my post. If you read it more carefully, I'm sure you will see that I have good intentions and that what I said follows logic. I speak from experience, from common sense, and from some degree of formal education on the subject. Your comments have very little, if anything to do with the subject matter of my post, least of all to contradict. Rather, what you are saying is a personal attack against me. I have every right and reason to be offended...
...but to make a point, this is self-control.

Ps. I absolutely love Brave New World, it's one of my favourite books of all-time, right along with 1984.

For the record, I think you misread and completely diverted from the point of my post. I was not merely offending you, I was just calling out the point that people consider teens to be some kind of sub-human psycho group, that is until they are completely conditioned by society. Conditioned in a way that they need not question it, and a way that they are content with producing and consuming. They are trained to thrive for the top - meaning they trive to consume and produce as much as possible.

I know you had good intentions, and that you followed logic, but Bin Laden had, in his opinion, holy intentions and in order to actualize them, he used astounding logic. Now, don't get ahead of yourself and think I'm comparing you to him, but that is just an extreme example so you can easily see what I mean. I know you have experience and common sense, but your experience tells me you have a one track mind, and your common sense shows me a little about your philosophical views of life. As for the formal education, that's a bunch of bullshit and it doesn't matter, you can't really be taught about these kinds of things, especially in a formal situation.

My post is telling you how you, and many people like you, have some sort of grudge against youngsters and don't see this as a form of discrimination, equal to that of racism and sexism. I'm half personally attacking you, half trying to help you realize that although this behavior is extremely common these days, it is just as insensitive and as well as oddly naive. The half that is attacking you comes from the deep hatred I feel for people who think this way. My post is telling you that if you don't stick to your roots, and everytime you change you forget about your past, you are a prideless ingrate and you deserve to get whipped by your daddy.

Of course you should be offended, I'm attacking a part of you that is obviously something you are very defensive over, probably because you have never deeply questioned why you think or feel that way. Seriously man, if in sociology, teens are a demographic group, then why, in reality, do you not treat them as such the same way you would treat a Jew, black, Mexican, Asian, or Mid-Easterner?

p.s - I've never read 1984, but everyone tells me I should and I'm dying to get my hands on it!

 

[**removed**]

I know its a bit of a paradox but you shouldn't be in a hurry to grow up.. I mean these people who are your age are talking about houses, money work etc.. wtf?! Seems people are in such a hurry to live in mediocrity.

 

[mienaino]

BornAgain,
Don't make assumptions about me; you don't know me. And your inferences are very wrong.
I will only repeat myself once: I don't have to explain myself to you.
Either address the subject matter of my post and make a valid argument, or this stops here. You have done nothing but flame and rant; hardly what I would call a discussion.

 

[BornAgain]

BornAgain,
Don't make assumptions about me; you don't know me. And your inferences are very wrong.
I will only repeat myself once: I don't have to explain myself to you.
Either address the subject matter of my post and make a valid argument, or this stops here. You have done nothing but flame and rant; hardly what I would call a discussion.

You don't have to explain yourself, yes, I know this. That is utterly irrelevant. I, however, quite enjoy explaining myself, for I have not shit to hide, and would be happy to do so.

It's you who has to address the matter of my post, because I am putting you on spot about your views on teenagers. Why is it that people here hate responding to rants and raves, and ignore them as such? Is it that you can't handle being yelled at (figuritively), or that you can't think of any rebuttal so you just go "ahhhh, stop ranting" to make yourself look like a winner.

All my arguments are valid, regardless of whether you think I'm just ranting, that makes absolutely no difference at all. I already said half of my post was a personal attack against you, and the other half a legitimate agrument. You hardly think that's a discussion? Have you ever debated anyone? Do you ever have deep, intelligent conversations in which the person you are conversing with has conflicting ideas and you have to prove them wrong? Do you know anything about arguments?

Obviously, you have never defensively (and offensively) debated someone, or else you would know how heated a person gets when they have to argue with a stubborn person.

And this self-control bullshit, that would be ok, except that the reason you're doing it is to prove a point. If it was just a normal reaction, then you wouldn't have to say you are showing it, it would just be appearant. Self control has very little, or nothing, to do with maturity. That is a weak argument, with little logical merit.

Change the way you think about teens, or else karma may change the way it's been treating you.

p.s.- I don't really believe in karma that much, I just didn't want to post something anti-climactic, so I chose that.

 

[unknown3004]

Hi, I have read the reply s and it has helped. Thanks.

I don't think life is suffering or at least it shouldn't be. Life should be what you want it to be. Some people might want to be remembered for something, some people might want to help as many people as they can, some people want to see the world some people want to develop and master a skill. In my case I want to do what **I** want to do. Basically enjoy myself. Some people might think this is selfish but its who I am. Don't get me wrong I like helping people and doing favors but if I don't feel like going to diner with my uncle, I wont go, why? Because I didn't feel like it at the time. Next week I could be hungry and go, and enjoy myself.

As for the paranoia, it is a problem I have but i am working on it. For example when I got the job I am working at now for about 3 months I was convinced that my parents were paying my boss for me to work there and that my boss was not actually paying me anything, it was coming out of my parents pockets. This was a combination of the fact that when I got the job I didn't really know what I was doing and had no qualifications and my parents were having money troubles at the same time but didn't want anymore than 200€ a month from me. I offered to pay all my wage towards the mortgage(sp?) but they didn't accept.

BornAgain, I can see how you read mienaino's post, but I think you went overboard with the name-calling.

Maybe moving into my own place will make me feel more independent and as if I am getting on with my life? Financially I could get a 1 bedroom (all I need) apartment and pay bills and food. but I wouldn't be able to buy anything ''for me''. I have been working since I left school in July and have been enjoying being able to buy a good computer, fix up my bike,etc. I would have to trade that for living alone.

But then where? I will probably get pay increases, then be able to buy some stuff, a nice tv or something. But then what? Go on holiday for a week? Buy a car...all for what? Personally I would be happy to spend my free time messing with computers (its my job), playing pc games and riding my bike for the rest of my life. But something inside of me is telling me I should do something bigger, but what? A girlfriend would be nice but I don't see it happening. wife? LOL.

Just when we start to get things together its time to leave this place

Rant no. 2 over.

8O

 

[mienaino]

I don't think life is suffering or at least it shouldn't be.

I didn't mean for it to be taken literally. "Life is suffering" is a cliche, it is relatively equivilent with "shit happens." I just prefer the former.

One of the most important things to do which will help you feel like you're moving on in life, will be to become more independent. A job, renting an apartment somewhere, going to uni on your own initiative, anything that fosters responsibility and self-reliance will be a significant step of the way. It's action, not talk, that defines who you are. Break out of the cocoon, if you will.

 

[Remus]

born again, I'm banning you for a week, as you need to cool down abit and stop baiting people and creating flame wars.