help! does my friend have social phobia??

K

kaspersrad

Member
hey everyone, im new to the forum....hopefully you guys can give me some advice.....

ive been noticeing something particular about my friend, wondering if he is suffering from social phobia?? ..however his symptoms are quite strange. there are reasons for why i think he does have a social disorder, and reasons why he doesn't have one.... i just dont know!

reasons why he doesnt: He is very nice and friendly, makes friends very easily ... (he will flat out introduce himself in order to make friends) he is outgoing and will speak up when he is in class. he is generally always with people.

reasons why: when not in class, he acts differently. in a group of people, he is the quietest - he is shy. (it is surprising the way he acts in class) he talks verrry quietly on the phone. he never argues, always agreeing and being nice and poliet. and heres the thing, he always avoids hanging out with people. ive tried to invite him to things outside of school, and he just wont do it ... always with an excuse. other people have experienced this too - hes just not interested in hanging out, no matter what he's invited to. (Basically, it doesnt matter who the person is or what the event is, its not like he just doesnt like me or doesnt like going to the movies for example.)
So the question is, can you still be a social phobic if you make friends easily & talk up in class? is it a cover up? is a symptom, maybe, fear of situations that you are not familar with .... like, if you are used to school you can act comfortably, make friends, speak up ... but you fear being anywhere else even with the same group of people? i mean, he very well could have some other issues going on that makes him not ever want to "hang out," but it is noteably strange....

any thoughts???
 
T

testobot

Well-known member
it's hard to give you a strong opinion without knowing him myself. He could have a number of things- he might be depressed, he might just not be very socialable, or maybe he is very shy ,but very confident academically. I know many counselors and psychiatrists have a number of criteria for what they deem as social anxiety disorder---- I think there maybe a checklist somewheres online- sorry, I am feeling to lazy to look for it right now--- but some of the typical things are difficulty speaking in crowds, making friends, making small talk, looking people- especially strangers in the eyes, urinating in at a public toilet, eating in public, and I am sure there are numerous others--- my biggest prob is speaking in public :(
 
GIOLANDA

GIOLANDA

Well-known member
It's like describing me! I'm friendly,optimistic,funny with my friends,but on the other hand I avoid social situations to the most. I've got SA,but I hide it. Except for this,SA can be specific and not general. For example,I'm OK with my friends at University when I talk to them,but I feel nervous if they invite me somewhere. Maybe your friend has the same.
 
K

kaspersrad

Member
GIOLANDA said:
It's like describing me! I'm friendly,optimistic,funny with my friends,but on the other hand I avoid social situations to the most. I've got SA,but I hide it. Except for this,SA can be specific and not general. For example,I'm OK with my friends at University when I talk to them,but I feel nervous if they invite me somewhere. Maybe your friend has the same.
Click to expand...

so do you avoid situations like, going out to eat with friends for a couple hours, altogether?? i just dont know how i should approach the situation ... do i give up or keep trying? what would convince you to go out?

like, what would make you more comfortable - a group of your friends to hang out with or just one person? is calling a couple days in advance a good idea or at the last minute? or is hanging with him basically just hopeless, considering im a girl and he's a boy so he might be nervous and never be able to do it? i can probably assume he will never give me a call either.....ahhh! :?:

i understand no one really will know for sure without knowing the kid, but some opinions would be nice anyway....
 
Reholla

Reholla

Well-known member
Id definitely have to know your friend to really be sure about a diagnosis..

But with what I know, I would say he has anxiety/social phobia.
That pretty much described me.

A few years ago before I knew I had SA, (I thought something was wrong with me but didnt know what). I knew I wanted to be friendly but sometimes couldnt. Like at times I would feel restricted. That to me sounds like what your friend is like. Youll probably notice your friend being friendly sometimes and other times, for no reason, just not.

I was like this, and people thought I was this rude, aloof person. Cause they would think i have no reason to be nervous, or whatever, because judging by everything else I was a happy person on the outside.

But the reason why randomly your friend might completely dodge things he usually loves doing, is because anxiety can come on at any time of the day, for any reason. This is important to understand. If you do notice this, dont try to make your friend go, and definitely dont make them feel guilty, because people with SA already do.

Youre an understanding friend for noticing this, and Im glad you are taking time and concerning yourself with it. The best thing to do is ask your friend how hes feeling. Get a book (I would recomend Lucinda Bassett's "From panic to power"). Best of luck to you!
 
Reholla

Reholla

Well-known member
and i forgot to mention this!!! IMPORTANT!


--even though you will feel like your friend is turning you down, deep down he is happy you asked to go places! A common side affect of anxiety is depression. So make sure to let him know youre wanting to still do things with him. This will make him feel better.

Keep inviting him to things as much as possible, and most likely he will eventually accept. This is actually a good help for his recovery becuase it will be forcing him to over come his "fear" whatever that might be.

I know when I was going threw my worst anxiety I was so happy to know that my friends still enjoyed doing things with me.
 
GIOLANDA

GIOLANDA

Well-known member
kaspersrad said:
GIOLANDA said:
It's like describing me! I'm friendly,optimistic,funny with my friends,but on the other hand I avoid social situations to the most. I've got SA,but I hide it. Except for this,SA can be specific and not general. For example,I'm OK with my friends at University when I talk to them,but I feel nervous if they invite me somewhere. Maybe your friend has the same.
Click to expand...

so do you avoid situations like, going out to eat with friends for a couple hours, altogether?? i just dont know how i should approach the situation ... do i give up or keep trying? what would convince you to go out?

like, what would make you more comfortable - a group of your friends to hang out with or just one person? is calling a couple days in advance a good idea or at the last minute? or is hanging with him basically just hopeless, considering im a girl and he's a boy so he might be nervous and never be able to do it? i can probably assume he will never give me a call either.....ahhh! :?:

i understand no one really will know for sure without knowing the kid, but some opinions would be nice anyway....
Click to expand...
Personally,I'd prefer one person and not a group of friends. It's anxious where there are many of them. So,I would advise you to try being alone with your friend,doing things together. Maybe your friend needs some time in order to be able to have fun with groups of people.
 
C

cherish

Well-known member
I am the exact same. At certain times and circumstances (a lot less lately) i will be sociable and just a completly different person from how i am when i am experiancing anxiety. People think i'm an asshole most of the time or don't like them or are blowing them off, especially if they've seen that I act one way at one time and am now acting different for no apparent reason. I think what Reholla has to say is the best thing someone with a social phobic friend can do, keep letting him know you are still interested in being his friend and don't hound him on why he doesn't like to go places.
 
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