Hello

[SmartCat]

Hi everyone!

I'm a married, 35 YO, mother of one. I've always felt that there was something wrong with me, right from being a child. I've always felt 'less than' everyone else, that everyone was looking at me with scorn or was 'judging' me in a negative way. Ive always been overly concerned with other peoples perception of me and have been known to avoid social contact with anyone other than those closest to me.

What I didn't know was why. Until today! I have a history of depression and was doing some research when I came across the term social phobia, I took a look and it was like someone had opened my brain and wrote down my feelings exactly. I have spent the last couple of hours crying, mainly because it's such a relief to know I'm not a freak, that I am not alone and that there is help for my condition.

I know today is just the begining of addressing my phobia and anxiety but at least now I have some hope. Just a few hours ago I was desparing that I would never be 'normal' and now I have something positive to work at. I know it won't be easy but I have to do it.

See, I just realised yesterday that I'm pushing my own anxiety of social situations onto my daughter and I don't want her to suffer as I have, so I need to do something about it. Rather than leaving her to deal with social interaction and it's ups and downs to her to deal with, I'm constantly questioning the way her peers look at her and treat her because I'm scared that she will feel the intensity of sorrow that I have always felt around others and I really, really don't want her to feel like I did. Yesterday though I realised that by constantly discussing her relationships with others I'm actually encouraging her to analyse things too much as I do.

I'm just overwhelmed by all this at the moment, but I'm look forward to getting to know you all and being able to connect with people who feel the way I do. Everyone want's to be understood and I don't think I've ever felt that.

 

[Eledee]

Hi SmartCat!

I am so happy for you- I had the exact same reaction when I came across what social phobia was! The emotions are overwhelming because you are so happy and relieved that at last you know the condition does exist, and that because you know it has a name, you can start to delve into researching ways of getting help.

I also think its wonderful that you are doing this for yourself and your daughter...it will give you that little extra help to spur you onwards when things are tough.

Welcome!

 

[GloomySunday]

That was a very inspiring post. Recognising and understanding what you have is the first goal...this will now help you to begin to overcome your fears. It takes time. But the comforting thing is, for years I'm sure all of us have felt like it's "just us", and that the rest of the world seems to have got it together. By coming here and talking through your problems (and helping others) you will slowly come to understand yourself and your condition a whole lot better. I think you're already on the way. Welcome aboard.

 

[SmartCat]

Hi guys and thank you for your replies.

I've spent so much time wondering what was wrong with me, feeling like I stand out like a sore thumb. I think the real problem is that I can't just be myself with most people, because I'm so overly conscience of peoples reaction towards me that I end up behaving oddly.

I suppose this is nothing new to you guys, I feel like I can say this stuff here because you all know what it's like to a certain extent to feel alienated.

Have you ever wished that your brain had an off switch?