SeriousJester
Member
Hi there! I'm a 22 year old guy from Ireland embracing the joy that is social anxiety disorder – ha not really, it's horrible:
: - but I’ve always wanted to talk to others who understand what it's like. I guess since people with social anxiety generally don't advertise themselves, without the internet it feels that I'm the only person around that suffers from the constant fear of such trivial things like starting a conversation. I'm really jealous of how other people take certain things, such as being able to voice an opinion aloud, for granted.
I've just completed college (yay) and now I'm pretty much stuck at home (not so yay), not being able to get a job due to the recession (it's particularly bad here apparently) and of course being too scared to even try in the first place, thanks to my anxiety which is like having a devil on my shoulder telling me that horrible things can AND WILL happen if I perform certain kinds of social interaction. Ringing a doorbell or use a phone? I'll most certainly disturb someone and they'll be angry with me. Starting a conversation in a pub? They'll either think I'm a nutcase or be bored to death. I know it's irrational, but that's how my mind seems to work. Ultimately, I always decide to just play it safe and keep quiet wherever I am, though unfortunately it's pretty difficult to make friends that way, let alone hang on to them, which is why they've dwindled down to zero for me. I don’t want or need a big group of friends like others seem to have – just having a single close friend can make so much difference compared to none. There used to be one or two people I was close to several years ago, but I lost them since I could never open myself up to talk and they got fed up with me.
I had to drop out of my first college since there was far too much emphasis on dreaded 'group work' (ugh), and since the classes were small like in school, everyone else seemed to befriend each other so easily, and I got fed up with sitting on my own all the time amongst chatty crowds. My second college was much easier since the classes were much larger and most people generally didn't know each other – I find it easier to hide (and avoid the paranoia of 'being judged') when I’m anonymous in a large crowd, rather than in a small group where everyone knows each other’s names.
My dream has always been to travel and see as many countries as possible, but having social anxiety is like being chained to my home, since I’m too afraid to take long-term risks, and I’m worried that I’m not independent enough. My life is constantly a choice between being uncomfortable-with-others and being safe-but-lonely, and I'm finding it practically impossible to bridge that gap. I've endured disabling shyness and isolation since I was about six, but oddly enough it was only about two years ago when I was randomly looking up shyness on the internet and first learned that there was such a thing as social phobia; I used to think that my shyness was just some childish phase which I would eventually grow out of (well, I'm still waiting and hoping). I wish I'd known that it was an actual medical condition sooner, so I could have maybe gotten help at an earlier age - anyone else have that same problem?
Anyhoo, nice to meet you all, I’ve actually been intending to join this forum for ages, but my anxiety often discourages me from even virtual interaction (fortunately I’ve managed to tell my brain to “shut up” just long enough to write this intro).
: - but I’ve always wanted to talk to others who understand what it's like. I guess since people with social anxiety generally don't advertise themselves, without the internet it feels that I'm the only person around that suffers from the constant fear of such trivial things like starting a conversation. I'm really jealous of how other people take certain things, such as being able to voice an opinion aloud, for granted. I've just completed college (yay) and now I'm pretty much stuck at home (not so yay), not being able to get a job due to the recession (it's particularly bad here apparently) and of course being too scared to even try in the first place, thanks to my anxiety which is like having a devil on my shoulder telling me that horrible things can AND WILL happen if I perform certain kinds of social interaction. Ringing a doorbell or use a phone? I'll most certainly disturb someone and they'll be angry with me. Starting a conversation in a pub? They'll either think I'm a nutcase or be bored to death. I know it's irrational, but that's how my mind seems to work. Ultimately, I always decide to just play it safe and keep quiet wherever I am, though unfortunately it's pretty difficult to make friends that way, let alone hang on to them, which is why they've dwindled down to zero for me. I don’t want or need a big group of friends like others seem to have – just having a single close friend can make so much difference compared to none. There used to be one or two people I was close to several years ago, but I lost them since I could never open myself up to talk and they got fed up with me.
I had to drop out of my first college since there was far too much emphasis on dreaded 'group work' (ugh), and since the classes were small like in school, everyone else seemed to befriend each other so easily, and I got fed up with sitting on my own all the time amongst chatty crowds. My second college was much easier since the classes were much larger and most people generally didn't know each other – I find it easier to hide (and avoid the paranoia of 'being judged') when I’m anonymous in a large crowd, rather than in a small group where everyone knows each other’s names.
My dream has always been to travel and see as many countries as possible, but having social anxiety is like being chained to my home, since I’m too afraid to take long-term risks, and I’m worried that I’m not independent enough. My life is constantly a choice between being uncomfortable-with-others and being safe-but-lonely, and I'm finding it practically impossible to bridge that gap. I've endured disabling shyness and isolation since I was about six, but oddly enough it was only about two years ago when I was randomly looking up shyness on the internet and first learned that there was such a thing as social phobia; I used to think that my shyness was just some childish phase which I would eventually grow out of (well, I'm still waiting and hoping). I wish I'd known that it was an actual medical condition sooner, so I could have maybe gotten help at an earlier age - anyone else have that same problem?
Anyhoo, nice to meet you all, I’ve actually been intending to join this forum for ages, but my anxiety often discourages me from even virtual interaction (fortunately I’ve managed to tell my brain to “shut up” just long enough to write this intro).
