Hello, hello

[afraidofyou]

I haven't been properly diagnosed with anything (other than depression and eating disorder) but I have my suspicions. I'm actually supposed to meet a psychologist tomorrow but I cancelled because just the thought of meeting her scares me. I'm afraid she'll either dismiss me or won't understand, leading to yet another dead end when it comes to getting help.

I'm so bad with changes and mostly keep to myself. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to motivate myself to leave my home. "Normal" social situations often depress me because I find them to be so fake and contrived and I usually end up as background noise anyway.

I don't exactly mind being alone but it's affecting my life and family in a way that I don't like, as I can't get a job and feel like such a burden to everyone.

Don't have any friends except on the Internet and a childhood mate who I don't have much in common with anymore. Feels like I missed the train to adulthood and independence a long time ago (I'm 27).

Yeah, that was my introduction. Sorry if it didn't make much sense.

 

[Satine]

Oh, it made plenty of sense. Don't you worry.

Forgive my presumption, but do you think it might be worth having another go at meeting this psychologist? I mean, if anyone realises that there is such a problem as social anxiety (or whatever you consider yourself to have) it'll be her. And if she does dismiss you (which is unlikely) then that'll be a failing on her part, not yours.

As for social situations being fake and contrived... I think that there's a lot of face value stuff that is contrived. We are all game-players to some degree or other.

If you could have a job, what would it be?

Good to meet you: I'm 27 also!

 

[afraidofyou]

Thanks for your reply!

This is actually the second time I've cancelled with this psychologist, but I still want to see her (or so I keep telling myself). I sent an e-mail asking if I could communicate with her that way before meeting but perhaps that was silly. I just want to get a sense of her before I pour my heart out to her. Last time I met with a doctor at the same unit he completely dismissed me and more or less made fun of me.

I understand that we're all game-players when it comes to social interaction. I've studied some psychology and sociology and have a sense of the underlying processes but I guess that just makes me more cynical about it.

In a way I already have my dream job - writing about music on my blog, but it doesn't pay. Plus I want as little real life communication as possible - talking over the Internet is fine because I'm pretty good with words, but over the phone or in person...no. Some days I can't even bring myself to answer the phone, even if it's just my mom calling.

 

[Satine]

Silly? Not if that's what you need. So you want to approach her gradually, carefully. I can identify with that, and so can many here, I think. Go for it. Why not?

That doctor was an idiot, by the way. I've heard of doctors who are only prepared to look at physical problems and not mental ones, but I don't think they're good doctors for it.

Fair enough on the lack of desire for social interaction. I've heard of a few people who make a living writing a blog - is it worth doing that, do you think? I suspect that there's a certain amount of luck required with that, but... of course, that's up to you if you want to persue that as an avenue.

Anyway, good to see you here!

 

[StonedBob]

Hi, welcome.
Hi think what Satine is right, a psychologist is the best person that can see if you have SA, and try to help you to deal with it. Normaly, she won't dismiss you (except if she's a bad psychologist but then, it's not your fault, you should not feel ashamed of this).

I sent an e-mail asking if I could communicate with her that way before meeting but perhaps that was silly.

Actually, I think it's a great idea for a first meeting, I never thought about that. Did she replied to your e-mail? If she accepts, well I guess it's a good sign for you, that would show that she takes care of her patient. If she doesn't, well maybe she prefers to meet you for real, not behind a screen, because she will have a better "first impression" of you. But anyway, don't be affraid of her , I know it's difficult, but she's there to help you, not judge you.

Last time I met with a doctor at the same unit he completely dismissed me and more or less made fun of me.

To be honest, this doctor sounds like a pr*ck (sorry) for me , that's not a good behaviour, he's not supposed to make fun of patients and dismiss them! Just forget about him, luckely most doctors and psychologists are not like this.

 

[StonedBob]

Oops, Satine was faster than me and give you similar answers to mine, sorry .

 

[afraidofyou]

Thanks for your support, Satine.

I wouldn't say to writing a blog would be my ideal, but it's a start. I love discovering new music and writing about it and have some connections. I like writing in general and have some novels in the making but my low self-esteem often keeps me from properly working on them. Plus making a living on writing feels very far-fetched. My mom has had a low-paying job as a cleaner for over 20 years, and while she admits that she doesn't like it, she says that the social interactions at work make up for it. But since I find socializing difficult I'm afraid I won't even be able to keep the simplest of jobs.

Ok, now I'm babbling, ha ha.

 

[afraidofyou]

Thanks StonedBob, I appreciate it.

I haven't received a reply yet but I hope I will.

And yes, that doctor was a jerk. I sent an e-mail to the reception shortly after I met him, asking if I could make a complaint but oddly they never responded to that...