peelnstick
Member
I suppose it would be a bit rude if I didn't introduce myself before I posted more, I'm not sure where to either considering there's a sticky for this as well. I'm just presenting my history as having a phobia and probably a tinge of OCD as well.
I'm a high school student in a small town, 16, soon to be a junior. I'm an avid language studier, with Japanese and Spanish relatively high on my priority list. Computers and the world of information technology is where I hopefully belong.
I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor as having a condition, however agoraphobia is certainly what seems to fit my symptoms the best. All this mess has turned me introverted which oddly has gotten better since I started high school. I guess that's because high school sort of forces you to fend for yourself, elementary school is extremely overprotective.
My dad and I also have a strained relationship because of the way I am now. It's not abusive or anything, we just used to be so much closer. Now he says he wants his old son back. That kinda hurts.
I'm extremely concerned about getting over this now, because a couple years ago our family pretty much died out, to put it bluntly. My grandmother on my dad's side died unexpectedly in July 2005. My dad took care of her and he went down there like he did every day, only to find her dead in the living room floor. Two months later, my uncle was found dead by his wife after she got out of the shower; and I just had saw him that very day at school. That same day (I think, this is fuzzy), we found out that my mom's sister had terminal cancer, and she died the day after Christmas, in 2006 I believe. I hope I don't get cancer as well, our family seems to have a history of it and heart problems. I want my life to be worth something, especially now that I see how fragile it is.
My story with fear and phobias:
I've had a history of "mini" panic attacks for a long while. Even back in 3rd grade, I remember getting sweaty palms and my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. I just had to stand up out of my chair. I felt like I had to run away right then or I was dead meat. This happens even now but to a much lesser degree because I don't have time to dwell on it. What happens is I start thinking "I'm really in school right now, this isn't a dream. This is real life and I can't get out of it", and I get so sick it's unreal.
Also, any minor change in schedule or scenery used to freak me out. If the bus had to turn around to pick up somebody else, if we had a fire drill, if I had to stand in the middle of a big open space (the gym, and the elementary school cafeteria especially), I'd get vertigo and get instantly, severely dizzy.
This was a really minor annoyance up until about 2002-2003. My family and I took a vacation, and we stopped at a hotel. Nothing unusual there, at least until that night came. For some unexplainable reason, I got really anxious about sleeping in the hotel. This had never happened before, we had been on thousands of vacations across that area, so it was (and is) unknown what set it off.
Anyway, I hyperventilated. I was up and down in the bathroom and out, trying to throw up and just pretty much trying to breathe. I was awake all night. The only way I could get sleep was by napping in the car. I begged my parents to just let me leave already, but they wouldn't. It's not their fault, it was hotel policy or something that it wasn't checkout time. I only managed about an hour and a half of sleep. Not being able to leave was probably a forefather of my agoraphobia (ie it's a situation I can't get out of)
The trip home was fine. Once I got calmed down I was feeling great. Because my parents were exhausted, they went to sleep pretty much as soon as they walked in the door. I didn't though. I stayed up, I didn't feel sleepy at all. But a couple hours later, they were still sleeping so I figured I'd lie down. Next thing I know I look at the clock and it says 15 til 7. See, I thought it was morning, but it was actually evening. This disoriented me so much I had severe jet-lag for days. I couldn't stay in the house; I constantly had to be on the porch with a washcloth on my head. I always had to be moving. I'd imagine it was hell for my parents.
This lasted for about a week, and then I started to relax a bit more. However this outburst eventually led me to be bedroom-bound for over a year. The only place I would go was the bathroom, which was next door. I wouldn't even come out on Christmas Day to open presents, and I got mad because my parents wouldn't bring them to my room.
Gradually I got better, partly due to the fact that I got a PS2 that year, and it was placed in the den, which forced me out of my room if I wanted to play it. I had a counselor in elementary school, but he didn't help much. I guess it's because I was too stubborn to go to his office outside of school.
Lately though I've plateaued. I can come out of my room now just fine; frankly I'm barely in it during the day anymore. The problem is I don't do any more than that. I'm never outside and most of my time is spent on the computer or waddling between the computer chair and refrigerator. I still don't have a life outside. I don't have a job, I don't have my learner's permit, I'm not looking for colleges, I'm just a lump. This site gives me hope though.
Regarding OCD:
OCD hit a while before this. Once again this is undiagnosed professionally. I'd always have to touch a light switch with both hands - all 10 fingers of both hands, step on a rug with both feet, retouch something, or simply have the bottles in the fridge or in the cupholder align just perfectly. I remember one time my parents and I went to a buffet, and I sat there for 5 minutes after they got up trying to touch my straw with both hands equally so my brain would just shut up. (don't be dirty with that)
But if you read this far, you get a gold star *dingdingding* You deserve it cause that was one heck of a wall of text
Thanks for listening. And thank goodness I have a place to vent.
I'm a high school student in a small town, 16, soon to be a junior. I'm an avid language studier, with Japanese and Spanish relatively high on my priority list. Computers and the world of information technology is where I hopefully belong.
I haven't been diagnosed by a doctor as having a condition, however agoraphobia is certainly what seems to fit my symptoms the best. All this mess has turned me introverted which oddly has gotten better since I started high school. I guess that's because high school sort of forces you to fend for yourself, elementary school is extremely overprotective.
My dad and I also have a strained relationship because of the way I am now. It's not abusive or anything, we just used to be so much closer. Now he says he wants his old son back. That kinda hurts.
I'm extremely concerned about getting over this now, because a couple years ago our family pretty much died out, to put it bluntly. My grandmother on my dad's side died unexpectedly in July 2005. My dad took care of her and he went down there like he did every day, only to find her dead in the living room floor. Two months later, my uncle was found dead by his wife after she got out of the shower; and I just had saw him that very day at school. That same day (I think, this is fuzzy), we found out that my mom's sister had terminal cancer, and she died the day after Christmas, in 2006 I believe. I hope I don't get cancer as well, our family seems to have a history of it and heart problems. I want my life to be worth something, especially now that I see how fragile it is.
My story with fear and phobias:
I've had a history of "mini" panic attacks for a long while. Even back in 3rd grade, I remember getting sweaty palms and my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. I just had to stand up out of my chair. I felt like I had to run away right then or I was dead meat. This happens even now but to a much lesser degree because I don't have time to dwell on it. What happens is I start thinking "I'm really in school right now, this isn't a dream. This is real life and I can't get out of it", and I get so sick it's unreal.
Also, any minor change in schedule or scenery used to freak me out. If the bus had to turn around to pick up somebody else, if we had a fire drill, if I had to stand in the middle of a big open space (the gym, and the elementary school cafeteria especially), I'd get vertigo and get instantly, severely dizzy.
This was a really minor annoyance up until about 2002-2003. My family and I took a vacation, and we stopped at a hotel. Nothing unusual there, at least until that night came. For some unexplainable reason, I got really anxious about sleeping in the hotel. This had never happened before, we had been on thousands of vacations across that area, so it was (and is) unknown what set it off.
Anyway, I hyperventilated. I was up and down in the bathroom and out, trying to throw up and just pretty much trying to breathe. I was awake all night. The only way I could get sleep was by napping in the car. I begged my parents to just let me leave already, but they wouldn't. It's not their fault, it was hotel policy or something that it wasn't checkout time. I only managed about an hour and a half of sleep. Not being able to leave was probably a forefather of my agoraphobia (ie it's a situation I can't get out of)
The trip home was fine. Once I got calmed down I was feeling great. Because my parents were exhausted, they went to sleep pretty much as soon as they walked in the door. I didn't though. I stayed up, I didn't feel sleepy at all. But a couple hours later, they were still sleeping so I figured I'd lie down. Next thing I know I look at the clock and it says 15 til 7. See, I thought it was morning, but it was actually evening. This disoriented me so much I had severe jet-lag for days. I couldn't stay in the house; I constantly had to be on the porch with a washcloth on my head. I always had to be moving. I'd imagine it was hell for my parents.
This lasted for about a week, and then I started to relax a bit more. However this outburst eventually led me to be bedroom-bound for over a year. The only place I would go was the bathroom, which was next door. I wouldn't even come out on Christmas Day to open presents, and I got mad because my parents wouldn't bring them to my room.
Gradually I got better, partly due to the fact that I got a PS2 that year, and it was placed in the den, which forced me out of my room if I wanted to play it. I had a counselor in elementary school, but he didn't help much. I guess it's because I was too stubborn to go to his office outside of school.
Lately though I've plateaued. I can come out of my room now just fine; frankly I'm barely in it during the day anymore. The problem is I don't do any more than that. I'm never outside and most of my time is spent on the computer or waddling between the computer chair and refrigerator. I still don't have a life outside. I don't have a job, I don't have my learner's permit, I'm not looking for colleges, I'm just a lump. This site gives me hope though.
Regarding OCD:
OCD hit a while before this. Once again this is undiagnosed professionally. I'd always have to touch a light switch with both hands - all 10 fingers of both hands, step on a rug with both feet, retouch something, or simply have the bottles in the fridge or in the cupholder align just perfectly. I remember one time my parents and I went to a buffet, and I sat there for 5 minutes after they got up trying to touch my straw with both hands equally so my brain would just shut up. (don't be dirty with that)
But if you read this far, you get a gold star *dingdingding* You deserve it cause that was one heck of a wall of text
Thanks for listening. And thank goodness I have a place to vent.
