Having social phobia is like being a balloon...

[Zarrix]

It only takes one prick to ruin your day...

Thursday, April 3, 2008
One Prick

I compare my self to a balloon. Floating with the breeze, only with what is right. I can feel like I am flying sometimes. However, its so sad, it only takes one prick to deflate you. A prick, in more than one way. Could be just one asshole, pushing you around, taking full advantage of your social vulnerabilities, stabbing a knife through every gap in that tattered armour. Could be just one person, trying to correct a wrongdoing. Surely you aren't so stupid, someone else has to help you, oh noes, you're an idiot again!

Could be just one mishap. Tripping over your own shoes, accidentally dribbling, spilling a drink, putting your t-shirt on the wrong way. Arrgh, what a clumsy tard, they all think. The message spreads far beyond your neighbourhood, humanity will never forgive you. Could be just one awkward silence, just hitting another brick wall in the ever dangerous social warfare. You rush off, saying you have to go to the toilet on an empty bladder. They know you are lying, but they think you don't like them, what are they to know about your problems?

It could even be random. You may wake up, feeling like the world is going to collapse, you could wake up after a horrible nightmare, or on the otherside, you could arise from a good dream, wanting its temporary existance to continue, you don't want to face the terrors beyond the bedroom.

I have come to the conclusion that there are a lot of pricks in this world. Most people just let them scratch their mental armory. They have so much resillience, back into the fight the second after being knocked into the ground. Not that its a fight for them anyway. As the fragile balloon, we spend our time avoiding every damn prick that ever existed. I have come to realise that there are too many around to evade. You gain a millimetre in this fight and its back to square one again. Now you can't say that isn't truly deflating stuff now, can you?

discuss...
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[recluse]

I agree with you that there are assholes who take advantage of our phobia, i also feel that everyone is on my back at times because i lack assertiveness.

 

[scorpion]

I started to feel alot more confident wend i started to fight back.
People used me, and I just couldnt say anything because I was to scared, so one day I was so pissed off i blew up, and realize that had work out, so I started to make my stand more times and it felt realy good.
I strongly believe that we have more strengt then we believe, what happens is that most times we dont have the oportunity to use it, or the suport from friends

 

[miss_amy]

I like your balloon analagy. Rather than avoid the pricks, which I think is impossible, they are everywhere and in disguise so you can't see them! I'd like to find someway of strengthening my balloon so it doesn't get damaged. Though I'd like it not so strong that it shuts everyone out.

 

[Zarrix]

Us social phobics don't have the greatest mental resilience. It only takes one bad event and we are down for at least a few hours, maybe a couple of days. Amy I also agree with you regarding your claim you can't see these 'pricks'. Best off to develop resistance rather than try and avoid them. I think avoidance is what most social phobics try and do though, which is why we are so isolated from society.

 

[PhantomPod]

Great analogy. Very interesting. Very true. I was just listening to an emo-type song while reading this, and found myself thinking that this whole idea and analogy would make a really great song. If only I was musically gifted...

 

[sabbath92002]

Would you like to ride in my beautiful balloon
Would you like to ride in my beautiful balloon
We could float among the stars together, you and I
For we can fly we can fly
Up, up and away
My beautiful, my beautiful balloon

The world's a nicer place in my beautiful balloon
It wears a nicer face in my beautiful balloon
We can sing a song and sail along the silver sky
For we can fly we can fly
Up, up and away
My beautiful, my beautiful balloon

Suspended under a twilight canopy
We'll search the clouds for a star to guide us
If by some chance you find yourself loving me
We'll find a cloud to hide us
We'll keep the moon beside us
Love is waiting there in my beautiful balloon
Way up in the air in my beautiful balloon

If you'll hold my hand we'll chase your dream across the sky
For we can fly we can fly
Up, up and away
My beautiful, my beautiful balloon
Balloon...
Up, up, and away.....

 

[polljk]

i'm lost in a body of liquid thoughts.. no ground to stand on and steady myself.. just feverishly fighting the tide.

we are strong in our areas.. strength from fighting alone for so long..
to try and get what we see as acceptance and calm.
with a life and past with only negative thoughts...
i refuse to put myself through any more pain..
i'm going to ignore the world and enjoy my life the way i can.. not the way i should do.

no more worrying days before having to go somewhere. no more shaking and sweating uncontrolably. no more tearing myself up because of my feelings of not being what people want me to be.