Angelhawk
Member
Being this way has absolutely made a mess of my life. Since I have zero self-esteem (which is the root of my problems), I have allowed my life to go completely downhill. I was a housewife/mother for 15 years, during which time I didn't work outside the home, didn't have any friends at all, was basically just a maid/cook/chauffeur/doormat/recluse. After being so incredibly depressed and feeling like I was worthless and a detriment to my own family, I decided to leave my husband, who would not allow me to take my son with me (I lived in Europe then). I didn't fight him at all, just allowed it to happen. He threatened to "expose" me for being mentally unstable. So now, I don't have my son anymore, I'm living in a country where I can't work yet (I need to get permanent residence first), in another unsatisfactory relationship, the list goes on and on. I can't stop obsessing over that fact that this wouldn't have happened to me if I were "normal". I can't stop going over and over all the mistakes I've made in my life, what a failure I've turned out to be. If it weren't for my son, I would shoot myself.
Well, this little rant has helped me feel better, if only for just a little while. If anyone bothered to read this, I thank you, and hope you won't judge me too harshly.
Well, this little rant has helped me feel better, if only for just a little while. If anyone bothered to read this, I thank you, and hope you won't judge me too harshly.
