Have you ever been over-corrected in social situations?

[ph650]

My family did it consantly. Their intents were good: with suspected aspergers, they saw I was missing a large number of social skills (fundamentals). So they thought they could help me. When I became an adult, I told them how destructive it was and they stopped (with my mom taking a little longer). These two images convey my current intense hostility when being corrected:

The damage remains. In my low self-esteem times, I cannot get through any social situation without recalling all those corrections (whether w/ teenagers or adults). If people try to offer even constructive feedback, I raise those tire spikes. In social situations, I tend to assume I've blown it.

When it comes to flirting and showing interest in women, it's even worse. Then I worry bout coming off like a perv.

 

[CoyoteX]

What specificly was corrected for you in social situations? Just curious, to get a better understanding. Would they do it in front of others, or behind the scenes, as to not embarrass you? Just wondering...

 

[ph650]

- Pacing conversations
+ someone mentions something offhand and I get carried away with it, when everyone else wants to move on
+ talking for too long
+ interjecting at wrong moments
- Dominating conversations
- Saying the wrong thing
- When approaching strangers, my sister told me I was throwing them off (cause I approached with too much hyperness). She tried to explain that I still did good, but I tuned that one out.
- Talking too loud
- extreme and heavy nitpicking
- they tended to focus on my social defects
- "you didn't give them a chance to talk" my dad exclaimed, when I met these girls as a 13 year old.
- there's much more I can't think of

Alot of this may sound reasonable. Unfortunately they did it in a highly shaming way (un-intentionally).

 

[Anubis]

This may seem like a stupid idea, but have you tried watching your favorite show (i.e. The Office, 30 Rock, Grey's Anatomy, etc.) and occasionally pausing the show to see how you would respond to certain situations? And then evaluate your conversation to see how appropriate it really was.

I haven't tried this idea yet myself, but I've heard it's what improv people do (albeit in real-time) to strengthen their responsive acuity. It may get rid of some paralysis from the fear of doing wrong when you realize your quick responses aren't as stupid as you thought they would be.

 

[ph650]

That is ****ing brilliant man! Never thought of that.