Chich15
New member
Hi I just discovered this forum last night. Let me give a backround of myself. I am 20 year old guy who has been told by many people to be pretty good looking. I am also tall (6 5) and athletic. I have a rare talent in the ability to throw a baseball 90 to 93 MPH and I will be taking my talents to a big baseball school next year ( I also have a great chance at playing pro ball). I have a beautiful, great girlfriend who I care for a lot.
I have had social anxiety throughout my whole life. Through highschool it was the worst, especially with girls. I had atleast 8 or 9 girls throughout highschool that wanted to date me but I just avoided every one. I was attracted to them all too, but I always feared id screw up and make an ass out of myself. I got a little better with coping with my irrational feelings towards the end of my freshman year at college until now. What I mean is that while I still had irrational negative thoughts flowing through my head I just shoved my way through them and did what I needed to do. One of the things that was bothering me was I still hadn't even kissed a girl and it was my sophomore year of college. Well I started to go out a little more even though I was EXTREMELY nervous. Well I happened to kiss three girls in the span of 1 month, and I am dating the 3rd one now (who I also lost my virginity too). You may be reading this and think that I am doing great but mentally I think I am worse now.....
Me finally opening up to women has opened up new insecurities. Does she think im a good kisser? Am I ok in bed? Does she still like me? These irrational thoughts flow through my head all day. However, the rational side of my brain knows these thoughts are completely RIDICULOUS and UNWARRANTED yet I still cannot control these irrational thoughts and they still outpower the rational, positive thoughts. I have grown extremely depressed over the last 2 weeks. I am not depressed from the actually thoughts anymore; I now have found ways to just suck it up and do the things im nervous about. However, the thing I am depressed over is that I still believe the negative, irrational thoughts are true. I still can't walk anywhere without thinking im the center of attention. I still think everyone is judging me. I still think if someone in my presence(like my girlfriend) is in a bad mood that it is because of me. After I have a conversation with someone I always think I made a bad impression.
I really can't take this anymore, Its so frustrating because I know for a fact that I have certain gifts that about 1 in a million get. I know I have a lot of things going for me but lately the negative thoughts have just been destroying me inside. I just cannot control them. It feels like im running towards my goals in life with a parachute attached to my back. I have also been acting depressed and really overly dramatic around my girl. I finally had to tell her my problems right now so she knows its not her.
Are there any answers out there? I have seen a psychologist about my problems about 10 sessions but it didn't help me at all. Are there any good books I can read? One thing I forgot to mention( i know the post is long). Is that I have a absolutely shitty diet. I eat an insane amount of sugar and caffeine daily and I read somewhere that its really bad for social anxiety. The first thing on my list is to get on a good diet.
I have had social anxiety throughout my whole life. Through highschool it was the worst, especially with girls. I had atleast 8 or 9 girls throughout highschool that wanted to date me but I just avoided every one. I was attracted to them all too, but I always feared id screw up and make an ass out of myself. I got a little better with coping with my irrational feelings towards the end of my freshman year at college until now. What I mean is that while I still had irrational negative thoughts flowing through my head I just shoved my way through them and did what I needed to do. One of the things that was bothering me was I still hadn't even kissed a girl and it was my sophomore year of college. Well I started to go out a little more even though I was EXTREMELY nervous. Well I happened to kiss three girls in the span of 1 month, and I am dating the 3rd one now (who I also lost my virginity too). You may be reading this and think that I am doing great but mentally I think I am worse now.....
Me finally opening up to women has opened up new insecurities. Does she think im a good kisser? Am I ok in bed? Does she still like me? These irrational thoughts flow through my head all day. However, the rational side of my brain knows these thoughts are completely RIDICULOUS and UNWARRANTED yet I still cannot control these irrational thoughts and they still outpower the rational, positive thoughts. I have grown extremely depressed over the last 2 weeks. I am not depressed from the actually thoughts anymore; I now have found ways to just suck it up and do the things im nervous about. However, the thing I am depressed over is that I still believe the negative, irrational thoughts are true. I still can't walk anywhere without thinking im the center of attention. I still think everyone is judging me. I still think if someone in my presence(like my girlfriend) is in a bad mood that it is because of me. After I have a conversation with someone I always think I made a bad impression.
I really can't take this anymore, Its so frustrating because I know for a fact that I have certain gifts that about 1 in a million get. I know I have a lot of things going for me but lately the negative thoughts have just been destroying me inside. I just cannot control them. It feels like im running towards my goals in life with a parachute attached to my back. I have also been acting depressed and really overly dramatic around my girl. I finally had to tell her my problems right now so she knows its not her.
Are there any answers out there? I have seen a psychologist about my problems about 10 sessions but it didn't help me at all. Are there any good books I can read? One thing I forgot to mention( i know the post is long). Is that I have a absolutely shitty diet. I eat an insane amount of sugar and caffeine daily and I read somewhere that its really bad for social anxiety. The first thing on my list is to get on a good diet.